Page 55 of The Fall
I sighed. “I don’t mean I want to forget them, Shane. I could never do that. I just… want to stop remembering their deaths, that’sall.”
“Same difference, if you ask me,” Shane insisted. He cleared his throat. “Uh, any news on the camper, Dare? I was a little late getting out to Frank’s yesterday. I think I missed most ofyou.”
Dare shrugged. “Well, Si found a whole fuckingforestof invasive plants that are gonna be a bitch to remove. So there’sthat.”
“Hey! Itoldyou not to shoot themessenger!”
Dare scratched the back of his head. “Otherwise, though,nothing.”
“That’s good,” Shane said. “Realgood.”
I raised an eyebrow at him. “Why’s that good? I was hoping we’d find something, give the family someclosure.”
“Well, I dunno. Just that if you don’t find anything, maybe he’s still alive, right?” Shane offered. “While there’s stillhope?”
“Maybe,” Dare said skeptically. “Either way, I think his folks would want toknow.”
Shane nodded. “Well, anyway. You let me know if you need help again. I know those woods pretty well. I can help you with your hogweed problem,too.”
“I’ll remember that Shane, thanks,” Dare said. But when Shane walked away, Dare’s eyes followedhim.
“Remind me again about your brother’s car accident,” hesaid.
“What aboutit?”
Dare glanced at me and shook his head. “Nothing,” he said. “Never mind. My memory is failing me, but it doesn’t matter.” He leaned both elbows on the table and turned that interrogative gaze on me again. “Let’s get back to talking aboutEv.”
“Uh, let’snot.” I grabbed Dare’s beer again, and his lips twitched in amusement as he watchedme.
“He’s a widower. Has he been with anyone since his husbanddied?”
I scowled. “How the fuck should I know? It’s none of my business and sure as hell none ofyours.” But I would have bet my house hehadn’t.
Dare nodded. “Fair enough. But if this is his first time with someone else, it’s gonna be hard for him, I’d think. Grief crops up at strange times, even when you think you’re past it. Two steps forward, one step back. Even if you’re attracted enough to kisssomeone.”
Even if you give them a blowjob.
“Yes, thank you, Dr. Phil. Like I just told CalandParker, since you’re all a bunch of gossips, Everett and I are friends.” I ran a hand through my hair infrustration.
Fuck. I’d known this. I’dknownit. A guy who’d avoided me for weeks then freaked out after hooking up like Ev had was clearlynotready to move on, no matter how much I wanted him to be. But hearing it spelled out made my unease multiply until it felt like a thousand tiny bees pricking my chest from the inside. I’d let myself want Ev enough to overwhelm my caution, and I’d gotten so caught up that I’d found myself in a place I’dneverwanted or expected to be. If I didn’t stop this train immediately, step back from the precipice, I was going to find myself losing something I hadn’t even known I wanted until Ev walked into mylife.
And even now, even knowing that? I felt a tug in my gut to turn around, to look for him, because I knew the sight of him would calmme.
Fuck,again.
“Listen, I’m not trying to wet blanket you here.” Dare’s brown eyes were sincere. “God knows, Iloveseeing you actually making an effort for a guy for once, and Ev seems great. I’m just saying maybe slow down and have a discussion, make sure you’re on the samepage.”
I nodded and took another sip of Dare’s beer, but my heart twisted in my chest. Sure. Talk about things. Put my shit out there and risk him saying,Oh, sorry, Silas, you lose. No, thanks. Besides, the answer was obvious, now that the fog of attraction and connection had dissipated. I’d meant it when I said grief wasn’t linear, but if Ev couldn’t bring himself totalkabout his husband, there was no way I was more than step one in his healingprocess.
The rebound. Theregret.
Fuck,a thirdtime.
Here I was, falling for a guy for the first time ever, and if I didn’t figure out a way to stop this immediately, the landing was gonna befatal.
“I appreciate the advice, Dare, honestly. But I meant what I said earlier. There’s nothing between Everett and me.” I forced my lips into agrin.
Dare widened his eyes and shook his head. “Si,stop!”
