Page 18 of The Note
Chapter Four
~Gus~
I turnedmy head to look at Tyler, then looked back at the road. I had no idea where his mind was.Jesus, I had no idea wheremymind was.
And yet I knew that this was another one of those crucial moments, like the one eight years ago, where I’d taken a chance, but hadn’t fully committed.
Be bold,I’d told him in that note.
In the note he’d kept, in the note he claimed hadchanged his life.
“Notjustbecause I was busy,” I admitted. I sat up straighter in the seat, and rubbed a hand over my mouth. I could feel Tyler’s attention focused on me, even though his eyes were on the buildings as we passed through the town.
“This is the place,” Tyler said, pointing out the window, and I swung into the narrow driveway next to a huge Victorian house, set back just a little from the sidewalk. The headlights danced off the pink crepe streamers and cartoon cupids hanging in the windows as I made the turn.
When I parked the car, Tyler turned toward me. “Come up,” he said slowly. “We can talk.”
I was pretty sure I couldn’t deny the mananything, so I nodded and followed him through the cold to the front door, and then up the stairs to his room.
He threw his keys on the dark wood dresser as soon as we got inside, kicked off his shoes, then threw himself on the red-and-white-checkered bedspread with a groan, lifting his forearm to cover his eyes. “The lightburns.”
I stood in the doorway and smiled at the sight. Tyler, laid out in his suit, tie askew and hair rumpled but still glinting in the low light from the bedside lamp.
“My keen insight and advanced medical training suggest this might be the Chardonnay getting its revenge, Tyler D-is-for-Drama-Queen Turnbull.”
He peeked at me from beneath his arm. “I thought the D was for dumbass.”
“You’re not a dumbass.” I kicked off my shoes and laid down on the bed beside him, so both of us were looking up at the ceiling. There was something about being beside the man like this that made me feel more alive than I’d been in years, like a battery being recharged, and I couldn’t think why I’d ever thought it was a good idea to stay away. I was aware of every cell in my body, andhyperaware of him. I moved my arm just a little until it was touching his and I swear I could feel sparks. This potential had been there for a decade, and neither of us had known. “Or maybe you are a dumbass. Maybe webothare.”
Both of us were fully clothed, both of us were probably exhausted, and I knew for a fact that Tyler was still too drunk to be in his right mind, so even if he jumped me right this minute, it wouldn’t lead to anything. Didn’t matter. I felt wired.
Tyler snorted. “Again with the endearments. Why haven’t you dated anyone seriously, Gus?”
I shook my head and smiled, just a little, moving my arm a bit more until my fingers grazed his hip. “You know why, Tyler.”
“Nuh-uh,” he said. “No. If we have learned nothing else here, it’s to never make assumptions. Tell me. Give me the words.”
The air in the room washeavy,saturated with expectation and possibility. I held my breath and dove in.
“I haven’t dated anyone seriously, because I figured if I had to move across the country because I couldn’t stand to see you pining for my brother, it wasn’t fair to get involved with anyone else.”
Tyler’s breathing picked up, and the cotton rustled beneath his hair as he turned his head toward me, but I kept staring at the ceiling. There was bold and then there wasstupid.
“Didn’t you hear a word I said earlier?” Tyler demanded. I could feel his gaze on my face. “I’m not in love with Alex. I never have been. I fell in love with a note. With an idea. And foryears, I have been trying to jam puzzle pieces together, wondering why nothing fit, wondering what was wrong with me, wondering why everything gotworsefrom that day on.”
I did turn my head toward him then. “But you’re not in love with me, either, Tyler,” I whispered, almost wishing he’d lie to me.
But Tyler was honest. “No,” he said. “I’m not. But you’re my best friend. You’re my rock. You’re the first person I want to tell good news to, and the only person who can make my bad days better. And I still think you have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.” He rolled toward me, lifting his hand to trace a finger over each of my eyebrows. His own gray-blue eyes were wide and bright in the dim light.
It felt a little like he was looking at me for the first time. It felt a little like we were trading secrets.
“So…I think I could be, Gus.” Tyler grinned, then swallowed, like he was elated and terrified, and I knew it because that was exactly howIfelt too. “I really think I could be. And I… would really like the opportunity to see.”
I couldn’t think of a single word to say to that, so I lifted up on my elbow and kissed him. And when our mouths touched, Tyler inhaled and exhaled, a happy sigh.
I have to admit, right here, that I always had kind of a thing for Tyler’s mouth, and not just the funny shit that came out of it. His lips were a perfect cupid’s bow, with a tiny divot in the bottom of his top lip, so that even at rest, his lips never seemed to close fully.
It was a strange thing to focus on, maybe, but I’d spent weeks sitting across from the guy at my parents’ kitchen table, alternately pissed off and turned on by his antics. I’d cataloged every freckle, every crinkle by his eye. I could have calculated the angle of the arch of his eyebrows and picked the exact shade of his eye color from a paint chip. But that mouth was something else entirely. He’d bite it and twist it and tap it with his pencil, until I was so aroused I barely remembered what calculus was, myself. Until I’d been obsessed with knowing the texture of those lips, tasting the flavor, tracing that little divot with my tongue.
