Page 16 of The Note
“Jesus Christ.” I shoved his arm with my palm, hard, then did it again when the first push didn’t relieve my feelings. He didn’t move an inch, obviously, and I only got madder. “Jesus Christ, was it anendearment, all the times you’ve called me that? Was it some kind of declaration of affection? Were you the most socially-stunted man-child at Columbia pre-med? And what the hell were you thinking, keeping quiet all this time?”
“I was thinking I’d let my jealousy of Alex get the better of me, and I provoked you that day. I was thinking you were mad at me, and you had a right to be. I was thinking I wanted to talk to you about it, and I walked in on you kissing my brother,” he said quietly, sadly, like it had hurt him then and hurt him still. “I was thinking you’d taken my advice tobe boldand gone in a totally unintended direction.”
I snorted, though it really wasn’t funny. “I had.”
“And… I don’t know, maybe Iwasstunted somehow, because I just figured the only way I could keep you in my life at all after that was to not say anything.”
I was panting, I realized, breathing in quick gasps of frigid air and staring at Gus like he was this whole different creature. Fuckingpantinglike I’d run a mile, when I hadn’t moved at all. The entire world had movedaroundme, though. Down was up, and up was down. Every single thing had changed…
Except Gus’s eyes. Those patient, beautiful brown eyes.
Gus had beenjealous. Gus hadloved me.
And suddenly, I was crying.
“And now?” I demanded.
“Now, what?” Gus’s eyes were wary again.
“Is this why you never come to visit me? Oh my God, this is why we could never discuss Alex, ever!”
Gus nodded slowly. “I assumed you knew exactly how I felt and didn’t feel the same, so I tried to pretend it didn’t matter. That I was over it. Sound familiar, Man of Honor?”
I gasped.
“Tyler,” he said, taking a step toward me, but I took a step back. I had to.
“I’m… I think… still very drunk,” I said.
That wasn’t a hundred percent true. I had adrenaline coursing through my veins and I felt more clear-headed than I’d been in… well, eight years, if you wanted to get technical.
But I had no idea how Ifelt, other than very, very stupid.
“I need to get back to my hotel.”
Gus nodded and reached for my arm. “Come on. I think the entrance is this way.”
I shook my head. “Nah. I’m not staying here at the inn. I’m at a little bed and breakfast in town. So I can check in with the baker and the florist.” And so I didn’t have the reality of Alex and Marissa staring me in the face, though at this point the idea was almost laughable.
Oh, two-hours-ago-Tyler, you were so naive.
“I’ll take you,” Gus said.
“No. I’ll grab an Uber. You need to stay here with your family.”
“An Uber?” He glanced around at the absolute nothingness. The event tent was hidden behind tall hedges, and from this angle, we couldn’t even see the tent beyond it. “Let me drive you, at least.”
I hesitated.
“It might be nice to be together.Physically.” He gave me a tentative smile I didn’t return because I was angry and annoyed and… stunned.
Gus Fletcher — my gorgeous, patient,rock of a person, Gus Fletcher — had been in love with me. Had thought I was special.
The walk back to the hotel and out the lobby to the parking area was silent. Even after we’d gotten into his rental car, and he’d cranked the heater to help thaw my frozen appendages, I could think of nothing to say. But I did look down at my phone and see that he’d returned my text from earlier.
GUS:I’m sitting right here waiting for you to look at me, dumbass.
I snorted.
