Page 106 of The Secret
“Nope. No touching.”
Micah heaved a breath and scrubbed at his hair like he wasn’t sure what else to do with his hands. “Iam the investor, Con. I’m selling the house in Baxter.”
“Of course you are.” I nodded. “Just to be clear, you didn’t tell me about this because…?”
He shook his head, just once. “Because I wanted you to have it. And I knew you wouldn’t agree otherwise.”
My mother gasped.
“So you were going to wait to tell me until… when? When I’d already signed the paperwork and it was too late to change my mind?”
“No. My name would have been on the paperwork as the investor before you signed it. It was just until…”
“Until I made a fool of myself, giving this business plan to my mother. Until I got myself in so deep, I wouldn’t want to back out. Got it.”
“Fuck. Constantine, please listen.”
“I’m listening!” I insisted. “See me? Right here? Listening. She’s listening too.” I pointed at my mother, who was watching Micah unblinkingly.
Micah cast an angry glance at my mother then looked back at me. “This was not part of some devious plot, Con. Come on! Youknowbetter. You knowme. You know I…”
“I don’t know shit!” I yelled, throwing my hands in the air. “Clearly, that’s the theme of this day! IthoughtI knew things. I thought I knew all kinds of things, Micah. Like about who you were, and how you felt about me, and what we were…building.”
On the last word my voice cracked—fuckingcracked, like I’d regressed into adolescent-Constantine, all pissed off because the world had taken away someone I hadn’t realized was precious until he was gone. Or maybe he’d been inside me all along, just waiting for the next loss.
“You know,” Micah insisted. “Youdoknow.”
“You lied,” I said simply. “That’s what I know.You,who told me that not volunteering information was basically the same as lying.”
“I wanted you to have what you wanted. I wanted you to have… options. Choices.”
“So you took my choiceawayby not telling me the truth.” I ran a hand over my chin. “Yep. Sounds legit.” Then I laughed because, you know, it was either that or bawl. “God, this has been the longest night ever, huh? I need to sleep for, like eighty-seven years.” I turned to my mother. “I’m leaving. If you’d like to stay and yell at my… atMicah, feel free.”
I walked out of the office. Mama followed silently behind.
“Constantine, don’t leave!” Micah begged. “Yell at me, instead. Fuckinghitme.”
“Right.” I snorted. “That’s apparently your thing.”
“Stop fuckingdeflecting!”
I turned around to find him standing in the doorway of the office. His eyes were wild with panic. He cared about me; I knew he did. But that didn’t magically make things better. Not even marginally better.
“Walking away isn’t deflecting. I’m not pretending I don’t care. I carea lot. But you hurt me, Micah. I trusted you and youlied, and now I feel stupid and shitty.”
“I know. I’msosorry,” he said, and I could tell he meant it, too, but that didn’t change my feelings. “I didn’t get it. But I do now.”
“That’s good. I’m glad you get it. But… I don’t care.” I could feel my heart doing its porcupine-thing, curling in on itself, needing protection from the thing it wanted most. “I can’t get more honest than that, Micah. So if you want to show that you respect me, even a little tiny bit, let me go.” I turned to my mother, also. “Just leave me be.”
Then I walked out to the alley and called Julian.
Chapter Fifteen
Constantine
February
“Knock, knock.You busy?”
