Page 35 of The Secret
“I know,” I said. “Iknow, and I hatethat you’ve had to do that, Mama. Which is why—”
“Do you really think there’s a huge pile of income I’m sitting on that I just haven’t tapped?” She sat up straight and her eyes blazed with hurt and anger. “That I’m an idiot?”
“Of course not! That’s not what I’m sayingat all,” I told her. “I just think—”
“I just thinkyou need to mind your business, young man. You might be an adult, but you are stillmy son, and it is not your job to run this company. I know what I’m doing. I’ve been robbing Peter to pay Paul ever since—” She broke off and shook her head in frustration. “I’ll figure out a way to come up with the money this time too, alright? This is not for you to worry about.”
I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat and closed my eyes.
Ever since…I’d been a little punk who’d tried to get revenge against Trent Gaynor. Ever since I’d ruined her life.
“You know, sweetie, I think I might try to head back to bed. My head’s killing me.” She pushed to her feet. “Don’t forget the Aaronsons.”
“Jesus fucking Christ. I said I’d remember,”I snapped.
I wasn’t sure which of us was more shocked by my outburst.
Positivity was a powerful drug, but always pushing away your problems had a dirty little side effect calledresentment. There were moments when I could actually feel it, pulsing hot and angry in my gut, reminding me of everything that was holding me back from having what I wanted. This was one of those moments.
And my angry, tired, frustrated self could not back down.
“Don’t youdareuse that language with me! And don’t you take that tone, either. You can be forgetful.”
But I really wasn’t. At all. Hadn’t been foryears. And Micah had been right—deep down, Iwastired of people believing I was irresponsible and dumb. I was tired of lettingmyselfbelieve those things.
Because if Micah Bloom could give me the benefit of the doubt, why couldn’t my own mother?
As calmly as I could, I asked, “Mama, when have I forgotten a job?”
Her eyelid twitched as she tried—and failed—to think of an example. “Well, I don’t know. But you were late just the other day.”
Oh my God.
“That was once. And it was actually more than a month ago, if you think back.” I sighed. “And I was only late because Bessie’s transmission died.”
Her forehead wrinkled. “Your car? You said it was with a friend!”
“Joe Crossisa friend. And I didn’t want you to worry, because I’m taking care of it. I’m not thefuckupI was at fourteen.”
“Language, Constantine.”
“Really?” I pushed to my feet. “That’s what you’re hearing here? Me swearing? Not any of the parts about me being trustworthy? Not any of the parts where I’m asking you to trust me or the part where I’m begging to be more involved in the business?”
“I donotunderstand where all this anger is coming from.” She shook her head. “You’realreadyinvolved. You’re an integral part of Ross Landscaping. And maybe I don’t thank you often enough—”
“This isn’t about me needing a pat on the back! It’s about me wanting to have a say in what we do and how we handle problems.” I hesitated for a second, then said, “I have a few thousand dollars saved from working overtime. I can give it to you for the sprinkler.”
“You earnedthousandsworking at the station? That’s not in the town budget. Where’d they get the money to pay you?” She squinted at me, trying to read my mind. She wasn’t nearly as good at it as Micah.
“Irrelevant!” I felt my resentment flare hot again. “I’mofferingyou money, and all I want in exchange is to have a voice in this business.”
She set her lips and I knew what her answer would be before she said it.
“No. Absolutely not. I’m not taking your money, Constantine, though I appreciate the offer. I truly do.” She sighed so deeply the sound seemed to come from her toes. “And as far as the business goes, you don’t need tobuya voice, for goodness’ sake. It’s ourfamilycompany. Of course you have a say in it! If you ever want to bring me an idea—areasonableidea,” she added with a grin, like this was in any way funny, “I’d be more than happy to listen.I love you.”She stepped forward and patted my cheek. “Stay cool today, you hear me? Hydration is key.”
My stomach churned with frustration and disappointment andangerso vast and caustic, it made my fists clench. I had no idea where to put it, I had no clue how to getridof it.
This was the kind of helpless anger that had gotten me in trouble time and time and time again, until finally I’d learned the secret to dealing with it was to never get angry.
