Page 75 of On the Run
One time, maybe a year ago, at the same flea market where I bought my variscite, I walked by a woman doing Tarot readings, and she’d offered me a single-card draw for free. I’d learned as a kid that some “fortune tellers” would tell you whatever junk you wanted to hear just to get you to spend more for a full reading, but this lady had a vibe about her, a kind of clarity to her aura, so I’d gamely drawn a card.
“Ace of wands.” The woman had frowned, and her earrings had tinkled as she tilted her head like she was trying to see inside mine. “I see new beginnings for you. Passion beyond passion. But remember that when hot passion collides with a cool and patient spirit…” She’d brought her hands together in a loud clap, like booming thunder, and grinned. “Remember that destruction leads to new beginnings, too.”
I’d politely excused myself after that because the woman clearly didn’t know what she was talking about. Passion? Destructive?Me? Never.
Until now.
Toby’s big brown eyes were fever-shiny, his cheeks were flushed pink, his hair was a violent mess, and his lips were bright red. He wore that wary, vulnerable look that had slayed me the first night we met and—shocker—slayed me even now when I felt like he’d played me for a fool.
Fuck, I wanted him so much. I shouldn’t, but I did. And it might destroy me, but I was going to see it through.
Forgetting all about what might be right or healthy, I was on him again in a second, pushing him against the wall across from the little sofa, kneading his ass with both hands, and moaning when he rubbed his half-hard dick against my thigh. I wanted to get closer to him, to feel that completeness one more time before… before whatever happened next.
“Come on,” I muttered, pulling him toward the bathroom. Just that morning, we’d been careful to hide the lube and condoms in Toby’s toiletry case under the sink for the duration of the party, giggling like a pair of kids who didn’t care very much if they got caught. Now, I grabbed the case and practically threw it on the vanity, rifling through it thoughtlessly.
“Hey,” Toby croaked. “Hey, chill. Beale!” He grabbed the case from my hand and frowned at me severely as he removed the things I wanted. “Look, the stuff’s right here, but before we do this, we need to talk. We need to—”
I kissed him again, hard, pouring all my hurt and anger and fear into the kiss, and Toby clutched at my shoulders for a beautiful half second before pushing me away once more.
“Wait,” he panted. “Wait. Look, angry sex is probably enjoyable, and I’m not opposed to giving it a whirl, but I think it would be advisable for me to know why you’re mad at me beforehand.”
I rubbed both hands over my face and forced out a frustrated growl between clenched teeth. Then I turned on my heel and stalked back to the kitchen where I slammed open the refrigerator door and took out a bottle of water.
“Seriously, Goodman, what the actual fuck?” Toby demanded, tossing the lube and condoms on the counter so he could set his hands on his hips.
I downed half the bottle in one go, then slapped the bottle down on the counter so hard water sprayed out the top.
Shit. I was not a slammy person. I was for sure not a growly person. I didn’t like or want to be either of those things. A person my size couldn’taffordto be either of those things.
I needed to calm down, but I didn’t know how. My insides were throbbing with hurt, and it felt like everything I wanted was slipping away somehow. I wanted to yell at Toby, but I didn’t. I wanted to push him away, but I couldn’t bring myself to.
“For God’s sake, why did you come here, Toby?” The words came out like a whisper even though I wanted to yell.
Toby swallowed. “Well.” He licked his kiss-swollen lips carefully and watched me warily, like I’d asked a trick question. “I recall us discussing this already several times, precious. I came here because of a… a difficult situation.”
I nodded once and told myself this answer was no different than what I’d expected. “With two guys.”
He started to nod but stopped himself. “Actually, three, not including myself. It’s all… complicated.” Then he actually waved a hand, like the whole thing was so much water under the bridge, when he fucking knew it wasn’t.
“Thensimplifyit!” I demanded.
“What for?” Toby’s eyes blazed with sudden anger. “I understand you’re new to this, but if you’re done with me, Beale darling, you just say you’re done. That’s the polite thing to do. We don’t rehash every step of the past week just so you can feel better about choosing to end it, especially when we never made any promises to begin with. We’re both big boys who knew this wasn’t going to last very long. You’ve got arealsoul mate headed your way, and I… well, I’ll find some other way to keep myself occupied, don’t you worry.”
He gave me a teasing smirk, and it was only much, much later that I’d ask myself if that expression ever reached his eyes. In the moment, I was so fuckinginfuriatedhe could say things like that when I could have swornhe cared about me, damn it—and yes, also because I was sojealousof every lucky man who’d take my place and bask in all those teasing smiles that should’ve been mine—that I, Beale glass-half-full Goodman, who prided himself on the way every negative emotion rolled right off my back, lost my ever-loving mind.
“You felt pretty fucking real to me,” I said, in a voice gone all gruff and scratchy, and then I kissed him again, deep and hungry, like this was the last time, because maybe it was.
Shockingly, Toby’s resistance melted away after the first second, and he threw his arms around me with a groan that sounded like a sob.
I stripped his shirt off in a rush and was only dimly aware when mine came off, too, because Toby raked his nails down my back. It was brutal and perfect. I bit down on the side of his neck, and his knees quaked, so of course I lifted him up, held him against me, and did it again.
I laid him out on the countertop like my own personal feast. I held his wrists to the smooth surface and sucked on his nipples, relishing every harsh inhalation and shuddering moan of my name. The skin over his abs was golden and gorgeous as it rippled beneath my lips.
I grabbed the waistband of his shorts with two hands, and without a word, Toby braced a foot on the counter so I could peel them down. They hit the floor with a loudthunkthat said he might need another new cell phone.Oops.
He shivered when the bare skin of his ass hit the cold counter, and I murmured sympathy against the join of his thigh. Then I pushed his legs apart and pulled him toward me.
“Tell me you want this,” I murmured. My hands held his hips, and my thumbs traced circles mere inches from the root of his straining cock, but I wouldn’t go further unless he said for sure that he—
