Page 9 of On the Run
“But I thought we werebrothers,” I teased. “I thought we were supposed to tell each other everything.”
“Youreverything,” Rafe clarified. “Notmyeverything. Older brother’s privilege.”
“Hmm. That sounds suspiciously like bullshit.”
“I don’t make the rules, Beale,” he said mock-seriously. “The Universe does, and I am merely a pawn at her mercy. Isn’t that what Mom used to say?”
“I’m sure that’s what youheard.” I rolled my eyes again, because I knew he was teasing… mostly. But beneath the bar, I ran my hand over the bracelet of protective stones I’d worn every day since my mom had given it to me four years ago. As always, feeling the cool lapis lazuli, moonstone, and sapphire beads under my fingers centered me.
Despite the fact that we’d all grown up side by side, I was the only one of Mary Goodman’s three sons to understand her view of the Universe—to understand how energy flowed around us and connected all living and nonliving things, to believe that energy could be seen, and felt, and changed, and predicted, to know we were all intended for a higher purpose.
I believed we had to visualize the future we wanted, and trust that the Universe would manifest it for us. My younger brother, Gage, meanwhile, tended to be pretty skeptical of anything he couldn’t logic his way around, and Rafe… well, Rafe thought if you didn’t Hulk-smash your way to happiness, you were cheating somehow.
“You’ll know the right paths when they’re revealed, honey,” Mom had said the day she put the bracelet on my wrist. “The Universe will guide you to the things that are meant for you. You’ll see the signs. Don’t settle for less.” I’d promised her I wouldn’t. And every time I looked down at the bracelet, I reminded myself of that promise.
“And speaking of thinking we’re pawns at the mercy of the Universe—”
“Were we speaking of that?” I shook my head. “’Cause I don’t recall—”
“—when do fall classes at the community college start?”
I blew out a breath. “I don’t know, and I haven’t decided whether I care or not.”
“Uh-huh.”
“It doesn’t feel right,” I insisted. “Not at this moment. Besides, I have plenty to do. I volunteer at the Nature Center and with Fish and Wildlife. I still do boat tours with Dad. I’m not unhappy! And look, I know you and Gage operate differently than I do. You determine the right thing logically, and then it feels right because youdecidedit’s right. But that’s not my way, okay? I wait to see if itfeelsright, and then I know itis, even if it’s not logical. And that’s the way I work, whether you’re talking about me going to college, or buying a house”—one of Rafe’s other favorite things to nag me about—“or dating a guy. I’m not gonna settle for something that’s not right, just because it makesyouantsy.” I nodded once, with a confidence I didn’t feel, and caught sight of the question on the television. “The answer is Vienna, Alex!”
Predictably, Rafe turned to glance at the television to check my accuracy. “Nope, Salzburg.” He turned back to me and wiggled his eyebrows. “No matter howrightVienna might feel.”
I laughed. “You were the one pointing out that everything is changing. I don’t think there’s a damn thing wrong with waiting until the dust clears to make some big life choices.”
“Just don’t wait too long. Remember, there’s only so much you can control, Beale. I know the easiest way to prevent yourself from getting hurt is to not act… but then you’re not really living either.”
I shook my head sadly. “Man, the whole point is that I’mnotcontrolling it. I’m open to the messages I’m getting from the Universe, and I believe there’s a great future out there for me. I wish I could make you believe that. The answer’s ligament,” I told the television.
Rafe turned for half a second. “Tendon,” he corrected.
“Know-it-all,” I muttered, bumping my shoulder into his.
“Notall. Just most.” He gave me a one-sided grin. “I wish I could makeyoubelievethat.”
“Uh-huh.” I sipped water and assessed him—his tired eyes, the strain of his muscles. “And this advice about not missing out on life. You’ve applied this to yourself?”
“Once again, we’re discussing you and not me.” Rafe finished his beer and set his bottle down with a hollow thunk, then motioned to Silvio for a second one.
I whistled. “More big-brother privilege? Shit. Wait until Gage comes home for the weekend and hears about my new rules.”
“Dork.” But after a sip of his fresh beer, he continued relentlessly, “Okay, now just think about this for a second…”
I stifled a sigh.
“You wouldn’t know if pizza was right for you if you never knew it existed, right? So how can you possibly decide that college isn’t for you if you don’t try? How can you decide you weren’t—” Rafe hesitated, then finished like the word caused him physical pain “—destinedfor a career in real estate, if you’ve never explored it?”
“The same way I know I’m gay even though I’ve never had sex with a woman. There’s zero appeal there, Rafe. And I told you, I’m happy—”
“But volunteering at the Nature Center’s not a career, Beale. It’s a hobby.” He swiped at the condensation on the side of his beer bottle. “You know, the life you want isn’t going to break into your house at night, hide under your blankets, and wait for you to find it. At the very least, you have to get out and live a little, try some new things.”
I opened my mouth instinctively to protest, then narrowed my eyes.
