Page 40 of Cherry Picked
Webb chuckled, refusing to be baited. “Okay, you’re right. I didn’t know I was waiting forLuke-Luke. A flatlander all the way from North Carolina and a man to boot? I definitely didn’t see that coming. What I meant was I waited a long time for a… a true partner. Someone who’d be all in on a relationship like I am. Someone who feels as intensely for me as I do for him. Deep down, I think I always wanted that. Tried to convince myself I had it with Amanda, and when that didn’t work out, I told myself it didn’t exist—”
“Yeah,” I grudgingly admitted. “I hated that for you.”
“So when Luke came along…” He traced his finger along the quilted seam of the sleeping bag. “It wasn’t like anything I’d ever expected, so I didn’t believe it was real. We can joke around about it, but it wasn’t just sunshine and rainbows and drunken bugle blowing, you know? Falling in love with Luke made me question everything—who I was and what was important to me. It scared the shit out of me. You know how much I love chaos, right?”
I chuckled lightly because Webb’s control freak tendencies were well-known.
“I fought it hard,” he went on, his voice thick with remorse. “Ithurt. And I ended up hurting Luke in the process.”
I nodded. “But you got through it.”
“We did. And thank fuck, because what was on the other side of all that chaos…” Webb shook his head wonderingly. “Shit, Hawk. I have a guy who believes in me. Who looks at me and seesme.All my faults, and my fears, and my annoying habits…” He darted a look at me. “Not that I have many, of course. Maybe one or two—”
“—dozen,” I snickered.
Webb grinned. “At least. But Luke embraces all of it. I don’t have to hide parts of myself or change myself in order for him to love me because he loves me just as I am, the same way I love him. But it’s like… I also want to be the best version of myself for his sake.” He bit his lip. “I dunno. I’m not great at putting this stuff into words. Maybe I’m not making sense.”
“No, you are,” I assured him. “That’s… beautiful. I’m really glad for you. And a little envious. And I really hope you’ve told Luke all this, too. I bet he’d like to hear it.”
“Well, of course. I tell him every single day.” Webb frowned, like this should be obvious. “That’s what we mean when we sayI love you.”
Oh.
Unlike Webb, I’d always believed in true love, which was a blessing and a curse. Where Webb had decided it couldn’t be real and refused to acknowledge it when it was right in front of him, I’d gone looking for it in every person I met, and I’d found it with Jack… all but the kissing.
Or at least I thought I had.
But this thing Webb was describing, where he and Luke knew each other to the core and embraced it all… suddenly, I wasn’t so sure I’d ever fully experienced that. Jack and I were incredibly close—closer than I’d ever been with anyone—but there were still things I held back, like how I really felt about him, because I hadn’t wanted to scare him off. And I sensed there were things he held back from me, too, for whatever reason.
“Anyway, my point in telling you all this,” Webb continued, “is to say you don’t need to rush the cherry-popping thing. Having sex when you feel ready, because you want it, because you’ve found a partner who will respect and appreciate you for who you are, is just… smart. Sex is fun, but it’s nothing like the feeling that comes when you’re having sex with someone you love and respect and all that. It’s okay to hold out for the real deal if you want to.”
Thisseemed more like the overprotective Webb I knew. “So you’re telling me you hiked up the side of a mountain and initiated a deep conversation about feelings all so you could tell me not to toss my virginity away?” I demanded, torn between annoyance and affection. “My outburst at the diner wasn’t an open invitation to the men of the Hollow, you know.”
“I know!” Webb sat up straight, his eyes unable to meet mine. “Jeez, Hawk. I just wanted to encourage you that whatever you’re, you know, going through right now that led to that outburst, I have every faith you’ll get through it, and you don’t have to compromise what you want to get there. You’ve always been smarter than I am about emotional stuff, even when we were kids. You’re so brave and strong—”
I snorted. “Yeah, right.”
“I’m serious.” And sure enough, when Webb looked at me with those green eyes so like our dad’s, there wasn’t a trace of humor there. “You remind me of that little oak tree that grows out over the side of Mettle Falls. You know the one I mean? There’s all this crashing water, like,inchesaway from it, that you look at it and can’t help but think, holy shit, how could something so delicate have sprouted right there out of that craggy ground? How can it possibly flourish the way it does with all this craziness going on around it? You… you maybe even wish you could build a wall around it so nothing disturbs it. So it can be safe.” He shot me a wry look. “Not because you think it’s not strong or fully grown orcompetent at being a tree, but because it’s special and precious and you very much don’t want it to stop being exactly what it is.”
“Webb,” I whispered, shaking my head.
“But it turns out that while you’re busy watching the water and worrying over the tree losing a few branches, the tree is just chilling there, doing its tree thing. Growing leaves. Turning colors. Holding strong, no matter how much ice gets dumped on it. Soaking up all that water and sunshine, swaying in the breeze. Making everything a little more beautiful in its own way and never doubting where it belongs. No fear of the water.” He pushed at my knee. “That’s you, Hawk.”
I shook my head again. “Nope. No. That’s sweet, Webb, and I don’t want to ruin this beautiful moment, but you’re, like,superwrong. I’m scared a lot. I’m scared of so many things every single day.” Of disappointing people. Of losing what mattered most, like Fogg Peak and my family and Jack. Of being a burden. Of missing out.
“Well then, I’m even more impressed. Because if you’re scared and you manage to be as loving and giving and open as you are anyway, you’re even stronger than I thought. And if I’ve ever made you doubt that I saw you that way, I’m sorry. That’s not on you—it’smewanting to control shit, as usual.” Webb bumped his shoulder into mine. “I’ll work on it, I promise.”
I let my head fall on his shoulder. “Thanks, Webb. For hiking up here. For saying all that.”
“Anytime. Here’s what I know, Hawk: as sad or as envious or as doubtful or angry as you might feel, it’s all going to come right in the end. There reallyisa happy ending out there for every single one of us. Sometimes getting there is hard fucking work. Sometimes it takes a long time. Sometimes you have to rethink things you thought you knew. But… it’ll happen. Just keep doing your tree thing and trust the process. It’ll come when it’s meant to come. Okay?”
He squeezed my shoulder before putting his hands back in his lap and sitting quietly with me, soaking in the sounds of the trees moving in the late-day breeze.
“Want me to stay?” he asked after a while. “There’s two sleeping bags now. I can try to text Luke…”
I shook my head. “Nah. Go back to your husband. I want to spend some time on my own. Think things through.”
He stood up and brushed dirt and pine needles off his legs. “Okay. But you packed the radio, right?”
