Page 54 of Cherry Picked
I tickled his ribs, right in the spot I knew would make him scream with laughter, and he squirmed as he grabbed my hand in both of his.
“Kidding! I’m kidding. If you’re terrible in bed or your advanced age means your stamina is lacking—”
“Hawkins,” I growled.
He giggled and kissed the edge of my mouth. “Then we’ll have to watch tutorial videos online together. Lots of them. I’m willing to let you experiment on me until you can perfect your technique.”
Our lips came together gently this time, less awkward and hungry but still just as intense. I pulled him into my lap and wrapped my arms around him, pulling his sleeping bag over his back to keep him warm.
“You drove me crazy last night,” I finally admitted in the small space between us.
“Really?” Hawk’s face burned red. “I kinda can’t believe I actually went through with it.”
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you in here touching yourself. The sounds you made, Bird…Jesus.”
He held on to my shoulders. “I was so mad at you for not joining me when it was clear you decided to do the same.”
I shook my head and held him tighter. “I didn’t want it to happen like that. Because it wouldn’t just be fucking. Not for me. Not with you.”
“Because you wantmore than sexwith me,” he said slowly, repeating my earlier words. “Because you decided to try having a relationship?”
I let out a half laugh. “I don’t know that it was a decision, exactly. Relationships are complicated. I’ve never been in one that went beyond sex, but I’ve seen enough to know they’re not all sunshine and rainbows, even when they last. But last night, I realized… we kind of alreadyarein one.” I counted out the evidence on my fingers. “You’re the most important person in my life, aside from my mom. I want you with me constantly, whether I’m at home or at work or hiking a damn mountain. And ever since you mentioned sex the first time, I’m like a horny teenager again because you…” I cupped his face and dragged my thumb over his kiss-swollen mouth. “You’re the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”
Hawk’s blush, which had barely subsided since our conversation began, came back with intensity. “And you never noticed that—me—before?”
“I noticed,” I admitted. “More often than I’d like to admit. But it’s one thing to acknowledge that you’re objectively gorgeous and sexy. It’s a whole other thing to think of you being sexywith me. I tried not to let myself think that way until you put your offer on the table, and then… I dunno. It’s kinda like one of those hidden-image pictures, where it’s all dots and squiggles until you step back and shift your focus, and suddenly, you don’t know how you could have missed it.” I dragged my thumb over his mouth again, tugging at his bottom lip. His eyes went unfocused, and my gut cramped with need so hard I forced myself to pull away from him.
I was not fucking this man in a cave, damn it.
Not today, anyway.
“Too bad I didn’t figure this out sooner. Would have saved us weeks of turmoil.” I shook my head. “But now I need to know… What doyouwant, Hawk? You offered me friendship and sex, and I don’t want to presume too much. I know you’ve got a lot of stuff going on right now.” I waved a hand to encompass the tent, the mountain, his protest. “I know you’re processing a lot of emotion. A lot of anger. If this isn’t the right time for you to be thinking about more… okay.” I shrugged. “Basically, I’m done telling you how you should feel about this. Tell me what you want from me.”
Hawk hesitated. He put his hand on my chest, stroking me through my T-shirt like he needed the contact. “I want a relationship with you.Definitely. I just… I wish you weren’t so hesitant about it, I guess. Does this make you happy?”
“Baby, there’s no part of me that’snothappy. Being with you like this? Having all the things that I adore about you and getting to kiss you, too? Christ, I’m fucking ecstatic. It’s just… I guess I’m processing through some stuff, too.”
“Like…?”
I blew out a breath. Was I really going to talk about this shit? I darted a glance at Hawk, who looked hopeful but wary, and realized that for him, there wasn’t much I wouldn’t do.
“You know, ah… you know my dad died when I was a kid, obviously.”
He frowned. “Yeah. Of course. We’ve talked about that.”
“We’ve talked about some of it,” I corrected. “About what it was like growing up without a father.”
He nodded.
“But there are some parts of that I haven’t really talked about much. Not that it’s a secret, just… I don’t like to dwell on it, you know? To really sit with those memories.”
“Okay,” he agreed cautiously. “I can see that.”
I cleared my throat. “Like… I don’t know if I ever told you that my parents were high school sweethearts? Mom played clarinet in the marching band, and Dad played—”
“Tuba,” Hawk supplied softly. “It was fate.”
I laughed. “Kinda, I guess. Mom got pregnant with me senior year, and my grandparents werenotokay with that. My parents ended up getting married immediately and… instant family. No college, no youthful adventures. But my mom says neither of them regretted it.” I shrugged. “My dad didn’t have much family of his own—only his mom—and my mom’s family kinda disowned her after the surprise wedding, so they were both excited to have a little family of their own. To build something better, you know?”
