Page 7 of Cherry Picked
“Since I’m busy contemplating how your family will come for me in the dead of night and do things to me all because of yoursimpleproposition that I tread on sacred ground!” I yelled, gesturing wildly at him. I huffed out a breath and added quietly, “And don’t tell me I’m being dramatic because we both know better. When Webb tried to set me up with Knox, he all but invited himself along on the date to play chaperone, and Knox is older than Webb! With you…”
I didn’t finish my sentence because I didn’t have to. We both knew Webb was protective of his family by nature but could be stiflingly overprotective where Hawk was concerned. If he believed Hawk was in danger, he’d raze entire cities to the ground. It wouldn’t matter that Hawk had consented to the danger. It wouldn’t even matter that he had gone out in the damn woods andpropositionedthe danger.
“Well. Yes.” Hawk sighed and deflated a little. “That is a consideration. I’d sort of hoped that you’d want this with me more than you’d care about that stuff,” he said quietly.
Ugh. I ran a frustrated hand through my sweaty hair. I hated when he got quiet. Quiet meant sad and hurt when I’d rather die than hurt him.
“Hawk.Bird. I do care about you—”
“And it’s kinda funny when you think about it,” Hawk went on with a little shrug. “If Webb and the others really want me to be safe, they should be proud of me for choosing someone trustworthy to have sex with. I could just find some rando on a hookup app, I guess, but—”
My brain exploded into a heap of toxic sludge until I was afraid I was about to have a medical event.
“You will not lose your virginity to a random stranger from an app,” I informed him. There was something dark and rough in my voice I’d never heard before. My heart continued to thunder in my neck, and I was lightheaded at the thought of this man—my precious Hawk—in the clutches of an unknown player. “Promise me, Bird. Promise me you will not do something as stupid as—”
Hawk threw up his hands in an uncharacteristic display of temper. “Whoaaa. Hold on, buddy. Did you or did you not meet Smug Peter on Hinge?”
I opened my mouth and shut it again. “Not the point.”
“And everyone knows Knox and Gage werebothon Grindr before they got their shit together and admitted they were in love. And Porter has GROWLr installed on his phone because he’s got a thing for bears—”
“No.” I shook my head. “Too much information.Waytoo much information—”
“So why is it okay for everyone else to have sex with strangers but not me?”
Because you are special. You are precious. You aremine…
That last one brought me up short.
Mineto protectwas what I meant, obviously. Mine to care for until a person came along who deserved him.
Without waiting for a response—which was good, because responding was beyond my capabilities at that moment—Hawk began pacing the ground, ranting about double standards and overly protective brothers, jabbing his trekking pole into the ground at intervals to punctuate his points. Meanwhile, I slumped down on a fallen tree trunk and stared at Hawkins Sunday through brand-new eyes.
It was hard to remember a time in my life when I hadn’t known Hawk Sunday, and since the first day we’d met, back when he was a geeky, passionate kid, he’d occupied a special place in my heart. We worked together. Hung out together. Remodeled together. Over the years, I’d shared more of my thoughts and fears and dreams with him than with anyone, even Webb. And though I called Webb my best friend, that was only because Hawk and I were closer than friends. More than brothers. He was my… myHawk. The one and only.
And… okay, it wasn’t that I’d never noticed the man was gorgeous, because I definitely had. He was beautiful like all the Sundays, but on a less-enormous scale, and with big, honey-brown eyes that gleamed like warm, liquid gold whenever he was particularly happy or sad, and silky curls that felt soft against my face when he fell asleep with his head on my shoulder while watching a movie.
And… yes, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that, once upon a time, I’d noticed his half-naked body at the lake and had a… a completely natural biological reaction to his beauty. Or that, one time this spring when Hawk had thrown back his head in laughter, a bolt of…something… had hit me with the force of a freight train, and I’d jerked off later at the memory of his smile.
But the idea of actually acting on that feeling?WithHawk? That Hawk and I would ever…
No. Nope. I had never allowed myself to contemplate that. Because… Jesus, why would I?
Finding guys to hook up with was literally the work of seconds. But if Hawk and I fucked up our friendship by turning it into a—I shuddered—full-blownrelationship, things would go from “easy” to “complicated” in a heartbeat and could then slide right into “devastatingly, life-alteringly terrible” without any advanced warning. I’d seen it happen over and over again. That was why I limited my dating life to guys who were in it for casual fun and sex and kept those far away from my friendships.
So I was a little resentful that, now that Hawk had brought this up, suddenly I was staring at myfriend’slips and not simply adding those lips to a mental catalog of hot images to jerk off to but actively imagining how those lips would taste. Knowing that if I kissed him right then, he’d welcome it. Wondering what he sounded like when he came.
Hawk had, without my consent, made our friendshipweird.
It wasn’t his fault, obviously. Since he’d never had sex, he didn’t understand how it would change things. And he didn’t have the same experiences I’d had, so he didn’t understand how freaking perilous relationships could be.
It was therefore up to me to make sure things got un-weird. And stayed that way.
“…which is why I decided to ask you,” Hawk continued, losing steam. He stretched his neck by leaning his head from side to side nervously. “So… please?”
I stood and faced him squarely. “No, we will not be having sex with each other. I’m more than ten years older than you. I’m your boss. Webb calls me yourhonorary brother. And… you don’t understand how risky it would be. I care about you too much to complicate things unnecessarily.”
Hawk’s chin firmed, and his nostrils flared. My eyes went to the nose ring again. For some reason, I wanted to tweak it gently, brush the smooth skin of his nose and cheeks to see how soft it was.
