Page 116 of Kept in the Dark
That’s why I haven’t opened the big envelope yet. I’m kind of afraid of what I’ll find, but I’m more afraid of what it signifies—the end. The last piece of them. Final. Finite.
“Thanks for driving me to the bus station, Eleanor.” I look out the window, noting the signs as we pass them on the highway.
She hmmphs and rolls her eyes. “Fine, point taken—I’ll drop it. I’m happy to drive you… happy for the distraction, anyway. I’m usually a mess when Mac goes to work.”
Even though it hurts to think about him, I can’t help wanting to know if Dimitri will be okay. Of course she’s worried about James, but… from what I understand, Dimitri’s the one taking the most risk, out on the front lines, as it were. He’s the one in more danger.
“He’s—they’re going to be fine, right?” I ask, gauging the faraway look in her eye.
“Yeah.Yeah,” she says, the first time for me, the second time softer, a private reassurance. “They’re careful, and they have each other's backs.”
“But you’re still afraid for them. For Mac,” I confirm.
Her eyes dart over to my side. “I don’t think I ever won’t be afraid for him. In fact… want to know something awful?” she asks, signaling to get off at the next exit.
Not really, but I nod, grateful for any and every distraction. I want to soak up these final moments with this woman I’ve become so attached to.
“I joined an online support group for the partners of people in the armed forces. This feeling I get—the helplessness, the worry, all that—it’s similar in some ways to how a lot of people feel when their partner is deployed. It’s been… really helpful to get other people's insight.”
I sit back in my seat. “I don’t think that’s awful. Knowing you’re not alone is a comfort, I’m sure.”
“It is. And it’s been really nice having you around. I know the circumstances weren’t ideal, but it’s been nice to have someone to talk to who knows what it’s likeandthe truth about what they do.”
It’s hard not to be warmed by her gratitude and vulnerability. It’s not just endearing, it’s admirable—she talks about her feelings so freely… like she’s not even afraid that talking about them will make it hurt worse. “I have your number. Once this is all settled, maybe I can reach out. You could… visit me when it’s safe.”
“I’d like that. You probably can’t come to me,” she hedges. “Can I ask one thing? Just one.”
“Sure.”
“Do I need to start spitting in Dimitri’s food?”
It startles a laugh from me that’s hard to stop once I get going. It feels like an outpouring of every emotion. I wipe the corner of my eye. “No. It’s definitely not his fault.”
“Fine. But text me if you change your mind, because I totally will.” She sounds a bit relieved now that she’s made me laugh. “What’s in that envelope, anyway?”
“Stuff to help me leave and start over, I think.”
“Might as well open it and see. We’re here.”
As she pulls into a parking spot in the small lot, I turn the mailer over in my hands a few times, feeling at the bulk in the center, and rip open the seal at the top. When I reach in, there are a few loose pieces of paper that come out easily. I unfold and scan the first one.
Sorry for the rush job—not my best work, I swear. When you’re settled, drop me a line and I’ll send you a better one. Good luck, Nicole. - W
There’s more underneath it.
Eleanor tilts her head, trying to read over my shoulder. “That’s Mac’s handwriting,” she points to the cramped scrawl at the bottom. “What did he say?”
“Um… ‘Nice knowing you. Stay safe,’” I read.
She rolls her eyes. “Nice knowing you?That’s the best he can do? Ugh. You know, he talked about how good Dimitri’s stitches looked nonstop for days. He said, and I quote, ‘It’ll be real nice having a medical professional around here,’ more than once. He told me you had a calming, grounding effect on everyone. He liked having you around, Nicole. He’s going to miss you.” She sniffles. “Me too.”
There’s an uncomfortable burning sensation in the center of my chest, like emotional indigestion. I reach across the center console to squeeze her hand. “I’ll call you.”
Her answering smile is watery and perfunctory. “Yeah, sure.”
So, Wesley and James both said their goodbyes after all, and they were short and sweet. That leaves the longer note on the second page with big, round handwriting. Dimitri. It must be from him. Immediately, I have to fight a smile at how his script fits him.
But I can’t read it yet. I’m not ready.
