Page 125 of A World Without You
EPILOGUE
Christmas Eve
One Year Later
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IT’S EASY TO WONDERwhat if.
What if I had said something? What if I had said nothing? What if I had loved him longer? What if I had ended things sooner? What if I had loved him more? What if he had loved me less?
What if... what if... what if...
But the reality is that what-ifs only suspended me in a timeline that will never be. A world I’ll never really get to visit. An ending that will never come true. It creates an alternate reality of choices that isn’t happily ever after, but simply a wonderland of what never will be.
For me, at times, it was painful. Other times, it was a relief.
After that Christmas, I stopped dreaming of what-ifs and started dreaming of what is: Bennett, Josie, me, and a dog named, Gizmo.
Gizmo becauseGremlinsis the best Christmas movie ever and anyone who says otherwise shall prepare to wage war. But also, there are few things funnier than watching a corgi named Gizmo do zoomies in the living room because his hoomans just arrived home—namely Bennett even though he’s technically my dog. Bennett didn’t really want to get one—he’s a flawed man, but I love him anyway—and no one would know he didn’t want a dog, because he always melts into a puddle and starts speaking in his baby voice to Gizmo, but then pretends he wasn’t whenever he gets caught.
I’ve remained at Wellingtons, slowly getting my foothold on the position, and have kept doing photography on the side—mostly urban shots I take on my lunch breaks that I sell online. I’m not traveling the world and no one knows my name, but I have peace. That’s probably what I was searching for all along.
“What do you think Santa’s favorite cookie is?” Josie asks while Bennett helps her pour a glass of milk that’s far too full. I’ve never known a Santa that actually drinks it.
“Crinkle cookies—” I answer just as Bennett says, “Chocolate chip.”
Exasperated, Josie says, “You two are no help!”
“I know, better leave both,” Bennett responds.
“And carrots for the reindeer,” I add.
Bennett smirks at me and I shrug. “I’ve got a thing for magic reindeer, Bennett.”
“Oh, right. That’s why you have those magic antlers on the mantle, right?” Josie says, placing an assortment of gluten-free cookies on a ceramic plate shaped like a Christmas tree.
I laugh. “Yes, and they remind me of all the things I love about my life,” I say, but I meanthis life.
She giggles. “That’s silly. Dad, do you know where Santa is right now?”
He pulls out his phone and checks the app. He pretends to be shocked and says, “Oh, no! He’s already in Chicago. Hurry, we have to get you to bed!”
Josie all but runs out of the kitchen, shouting, “What if I can’t fall asleep?”
A half hour later, her teeth are brushed, Josie is tucked under blankets yawning, and Bennett is turning the last page of the book, saying, “...and to all a good night.”
Josie nestles down in her bed until her brown curls and her sweet little face are all we can see. “Do you think Santa is going to bring me what I asked him for?” Josie asks, curled in between us on the couch.
I smile at Bennett, and he says, “Josie, I told you he can’t bring you a baby brother.”
“I wasn’t talking about that. I was talking about the Imagination Lucy doll with the ice cream shop that includes forty-two flavors of ice cream, sixteen different toppings, and twenty-six accessories.” Josie saying the details of the doll set is both adorable, impressive, and a little scary that the advertising gurus are able to plant such specific information into these precious little brains.
Bennett looks at me, making sure that’s the one he ordered. I smile and nod, giving him the reassurance he needs, then he turns back to Josie and says, “I’m sure he’s going to bring you everything you ever wished for.”
