Page 89 of A World Without You
“You poor thing,” I say, rubbing the warm fabric over her face as tears begin to fall. “Oh, Josie, it’s okay. It’s not your fault.”
But the giant teardrops continue to stream down her rosy cheeks, so I take her in my arms and rock her gently until Bennett comes back out of the bathroom, looking disheveled and a touch concerned. She turns to him immediately and cries a little harder in the safety of her dad’s arms. He rubs her back. “I’m sorry that happened, Josie,” he coos. “You okay, baby girl?”
She nods with a pouty lip. “My tummy hurts now.”
“Okay. Want to watch a movie, and I’ll make you a grilled cheese and get you some water?”
“Can I watchThe Grinch?” she asks.
“Of course,” he says, grinning.
After getting changed into clean jammies, he carries her into the living room and gets her cozied up with pillows, a spare sanitized bowl, and towels for blankets while I wipe down the counter and stool with disinfectant. Then light a candle on the island.
I can’t help but let a smile drift over my lips as he meets me in the kitchen.
“Don’t you dare laugh,” he scolds and points at me.
“I’m not laughing, Bennett.”
“You were about to laugh,” he argues, and I shake my head.
“I wasn’t. I’m just wildly impressed by you,” I admit. His posture freezes like he expects me to follow it up with a jab. “Seriously, towels for blankets after vomiting? Absolutely genius.”
He lets out a breath through a smile. “Well, I guess you learn a few things when you have kids.” He stares down at the half-full hot chocolate and then at me. “Want something a little stronger?”
I smile and nod. “Yes.”
Bennett pulls out a bottle of cabernet sauvignon and two wine glasses, pouring us each a glass. “Cheers,” he says, handing me one.
I clink my glass against his and take a sip. Bennett does the same and sighs deeply after he takes a sip. For a moment, I relive the chaos of the last thirty minutes.
“All because you made a metaphor about candy canes and Jesus,” I remark and immediately burst out laughing. Bennett laughs too—a real one. Long and hearty and breathy, sending tingles across my flesh.
“Listen, sixty percent of parenting is having the best intentions and getting it wrong,” he reasons.
“What’s the other forty?”
“Well, ten percent is getting it wrong with absolutely zero intention either way. Twenty percent is coasting. And the last ten...well, that’s when you do get it right. And that ten percent is what makes it all worth it.”
I smile at him thoughtfully. I like his answer. “Fatherhood looks really good on you.”
“Are you messing with me?” He cocks an eyebrow.
“No, you’ve truly created such a safe and peaceful environment here.” He rolls his eyes as I speak and I continue so I can explain. “Obviously, it’s chaos. But it’s controlled. It’s cared for. It’s like no matter what storm of chaos ensues, you’ve created this safety net to catch everything that doesn’t land where it should.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t always feel that way.”
“Well, you should. I can see it in Josie. But I can feel it, too. When I’m with you, I’m so present,” I continue, take another sip, and then set down my glass. “When I’m here, I even forget all about Colin, Graham, and the mess I’ve made of my life.”
His lips quirk into a soft smile. “I gather it didn’t go well with Colin yesterday.”
I look up at him. “It went exactly how the logical side of my brain thought it would but...” I shake my head. “I’m screwing up every part of my life, Bennett. You better watch out. I’ll screw you up too.”
He braces the counter. “What’d Colin say?”
I take a long drink of my wine before I come up for air to answer. “He’s engaged.”
Bennett’s chin snaps back in surprise. “He is?” he questions and I nod. “And what did you say?”
