Page 101 of A World Without You
I shake my head, thinking of how hard it is to think of that version and how much I absolutely repulsed him. I don’t want to return to that. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to know.
“Please. Just so I can know what Josie and Krista are up to,” he adds.
I narrow my eyes slightly as he speaks.
Don’t you dare say her name!The memory of the tone makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention.
“Sometimes I wonder if, in a different world, Krista is okay and gets to be a mom to Josie.”
I frown, emotion flooding my chest without permission. “Do you miss her?”
“Not in the way people expect me to,” he says, not meeting my eye. He keeps his gaze buried in the snow, then finally says, “It’s less ofI miss herand more ofshe’s missing this.”
His hand splays before him, and I turn to watch Josie, full of life and joy, glide down the hill screaming at the top of her lungs and loving every second of life because her dad is the one providing it for her.
Emotion strangles my throat as I hear exactly what he’s saying. I reach out and take his hand in mine. I sniff and wipe my nose, realizing I’m crying.
“You’re the best dad, Bennett.”
He nods in my peripheral, and he’s a bit emotional too. “The best. And she’s the best girl.” I squeeze his hand as tight as I can. “No matter where her mom is, you are doing everything that matters. And I’m so proud of you.”
He leans into me then, and I squeeze him tight. It’s a simple embrace, padded with oversized winter coats and snow pants, but I know we’re both exploding with emotion.
Because when you’re doing your very best, and no one sees it—when everyone else thinks it’s the bare minimum while you’re holding on by a thin, breakable thread, the tiniest words can either make you fall apart or pull you back together.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he murmurs into my hair. “Even if you hate your circumstances.”
I wave him off, “My circumstances aren’t so bad,” I say, staring directly up into his almost green eyes. His hand curls over my leg, and my heart palpitates and my mind screams,I’ve always wondered about you.
“You’re going through a lot,” Bennett says. “And maybe someday, when the ink dries on your divorce papers, when you’ve healed a little more, and it hurts a little less...maybe you’ll see yourself how I see you.”
I swallow the aching lump in my throat, wishing he wasn’t speaking in code. “The ink is pretty dry, Bennett.”
He reaches out and brushes a finger over my cheek and my heart lurches at the contact. “You’re going to make someone very happy one day.”
I let out a breath through a forced smile, “How can you be so sure?”
“Because you’re already making me pretty damn happy.”
Time stands still. The way his light brown eyes are now magically green, and the winter sun is glistening against the snow dusted on his coat. The curve of his lips as he smiles at me and the way I wish he’d kiss me. I wish I could say,but I think I want that. I think I want you. I don’t say it, though, because I don’t want to rush through any newfound feelings. I’d much rather go to bed tonight and overanalyze every word and second-guess them.
Still, I can’t help but think of how whole my heart feels when I’m with him. I can’t help but think of how his lips felt when he accidentally kissed me under the mistletoe on Thanksgiving. I can’t help but think of how the more time we spend together, the more I get to hear the sound of his laugh—like a special song reserved only for me.
Then Josie clambers down the hill, disrupting the moment. Her nose and cheeks are bright red and her teeth are chattering. I smile at her, and Bennett says, “Movie time?”
