Page 16 of A World Without You
“Well, we’re just about done with the tree. I just love a Christmas tree for Thanksgiving...so festive! Isn’t it?” She’s rambling, and she bites her lip because she knows it.
“Of course it is.” I offer a small smile.
“I’ll get your bag,” Dad offers, taking my keys from my hand and heading out front.
“What do you need?” Mom asks, holding me in front of her like a child.
“I think I just need to be here. To feel at home,” I manage through strangled vocal chords.
She smiles. “Perfect. We’ll put on old movies and I’ll make you a sandwich and you can rest your weary heart, okay?” she tells me, then says, “But I’m going to need help prepping the rolls for tomorrow.”
“I’d be honored,” I answer, meaning it.
“Your sister will be here in the morning. The Hollands too!”
I smile. “Like old times.”
Mom nods. “Yeah, Bennett is coming too. Did I tell you?”
My first thought isThank Godthen a wave of guilt pummels me as I realize how little I’ve spoken to him since I got married. I’ve known their family my whole life. Bennett is seven years older than me, so he was always the cool, older family friend who was forced to help my sister babysit me. But due to proximity during the holidays and how easy it is to bond with someone who knows how weird your family is growing up, we became close friends after college.
Then I met Graham, and I lost so many aspects of my normal self. We rarely visited my family, and when we did, the holidays didn’t align with Bennett’s holiday plans. We blamed it on the busyness of life and understood everyone’s situation until, slowly, it became normal not to see each other as much.
“I’m excited to see his daughter, Josie. Shannon is always posting pictures on the Facebook, and I can’t believe I haven’t seen her since last year,” Mom continues, and my heart aches again.
“I haven’t seen her in so long,” I say, with a continuous churn of guilt and excitement in my gut. “It’s still so crazy to think Bennett has a kid.”
“Yeah, and a crazy ex-wife,” Mom murmurs.
“Don’t say that. It’s a red flag to call exes crazy,” I defend this woman I haven’t seen since my wedding day.
“Yeah, well, this one...” Mom pulls a face, and I laugh.
“Mom, I’m the crazy ex-wife now. I hope you know that.”
Mom laughs. “At least you’re honest with yourself.”
I let out a sigh of laughter, then say, “I haven’t seen any of them in forever. That’ll be so nice.”
Nice doesn’t do my feelings justice. The Hollands were my second family growing up. They are in every highlight reel of my life—holidays, graduations, baptisms, and the annual camping trip. And even though our friendship was forced and he’s older, I always considered him one of my most trusted friends. I half expected him to be the one dragging me home from Roslyn when I moved there because it was unreasonable, and Bennett is not unreasonable in any way.
As it turns out, his own life and marriage were unraveling, and we just didn’t stay in touch like we should have. Now I can’t wait for tomorrow to arrive so I can start to make up for lost time and begin my full-blown apology parade.
“It’ll be nice to do the holidays like old times, won’t it?” Mom smiles and pats my knee. “Clint is bringing a brisket. Shannon said she got him a smoker for Christmas last year, and he’s gotten quite good at perfecting his meat.” Mom laughs, and I scrunch my nose at the unintentional joke.
“I don’t want to hear about Clint’s meat,” I mutter.
“No, but we’ll get to eat it!” Mom adds, still laughing, and I swallow a gag.
“Please stop making sex jokes about Clint. It’s making me uncomfortable.”
She still hasn’t stopped laughing, and I just watch her until, finally, my sad façade cracks, and I laugh, shaking my head.
She wraps her arms around me and sighs. “I’ve missed the sound of your laugh.”
I return her embrace.
Me too.
