Page 49 of A World Without You
He stops so fast I slam into his back.
“Don’t you dare say her name.” He doesn’t yell. His voice is low and cold, and it’s enough to haunt me in the real world, making my blood run cold and my breathing stop entirely.
I have a million questions I know I can’t ask. “I won’t. I’m sorry,” I whisper.
He nods and keeps making his way down the street. The rest of the walk is silent even though I desperately want to talk this out. Apparently, you can get drunk in a dream. And also...
Bennett Holland hates me.
When we reach my apartment door, he says, “There. You’re home. Now go inside, and don’t forget to brush your teeth.”
I can’t help it. I smile a little, but he immediately starts walking away.
“Wait,” I cry out. One last attempt to understand. He stops and looks at me, his expression blank. He is so unlike the Bennett I know, yet, he’s exactly the same. “Make cookies with me?”
He averts his eyes, hesitant and annoyed.
“I won’t ask questions. I won’t say...” I almost sayher namebut think better of it, “...anything.”
He takes a long, agonizing breath through his nose. “What kind?”
I smile. “The only kind worth eating: Chocolate crinkle cookies.”
He rolls his eyes. “Fine.”
I don’t react externally, but on the inside, I’m jumping up and down, stupid with excitement.
Inside the apartment, Colin still isn’t home, and neither of us comment on his absence. I scour the cupboards for the ingredients to make Chocolate crinkle cookies, a recipe I know by heart.
I tell him what to measure and what to mix, and he does so quietly and diligently until the dough is made and we roll it into small balls.
“Can you pour one cup of powdered sugar on the counter?” I ask, sliding him the canister.
“Why one cup?” he asks. It’s the first thing he’s said to me since entering the apartment.
“Because that’s what the recipe calls for,” I answer.
“But just one?” he continues to question, and I don’t know what he’s getting at.
I stare at him blankly. “Yeah, just one.”
“Oh, come on, Liv. Measure with your heart,” he says, dumping at least three cups on the counter.
I shake my head and smile. “You know you have to clean that up, right?”
He scowls at me, pinching some of the sugar in between his fingers and throwing it at me. My mouth drops, and I taste the sweet sugar on my tongue.
I coat my index finger and boop his nose.
He almost looks angry, and then...like magic, he almost smiles.
But he doesn’t.
Whatever happened between us cut deep.
I swallow every word I want to say and keep my hands working on the task at hand.
Soon, the scent of the fluffy and warm cookies fills the entire apartment with the smell of warm chocolate and the sugary feelings of Christmas. As I pull out the first batch from the oven, Bennett says, “I can’t do this.”
