Page 62 of A World Without You
Like the magic that is Christmas, our server returns with our glasses of wine.
“So, how are the kids?” I ask after I take a drink.
Melanie sips her wine and furrows her brow. “Whose kids?” she asks, setting her glass down in front of her.
“Yours,” I answer with a laugh.
“Are you messing with me?” she asks. Her expression is completely skeptical, with a dash of confusion and a pinch of concern.
I completely stop breathing for three seconds before waving a hand and say, “Yes, I’m messing with you. Duh. You? With kids? Yeah, right.” I press the wine glass to my lips and take a drink big enough to burn the back of my throat and make me wince as I swallow.
She forces an uncomfortable smile and slowly releases her response. “Right.”
Shock hits me. “Wait. Are you still married to Brian?”
“Is this a sick joke?” She pulls out her phone. “I need to call Colin. You’re acting so weird.”
“No!” I shout loud enough that the table next to us turns all five of their heads. I lower my voice. “No, I just... You haven’t mentioned him in a while, I just...”
I know this sounds certifiably insane no matter what. Five years ago, they were married and happy as far as I knew. If they’re still married, asking why she hasn’t mentioned him in a while just sounds plain stupid. And if they aren’t, well, it sounds insensitive at best and like phishing for drama at worst.
“Brian’s fine,” her voice is so clipped it would seem he is not, in fact, fine. “He’s still...” she sighs. “Brian.”
I don’t know what to make of this answer. Melanie and Brian have been together for so long. They’ve never had any real issues aside from the typical leave the toilet seat up and doesn’t put his clothes in the hamper drama. And maybe a few arguments over finances and parenting responsibilities. But overall, normal stuff.
“Spill the tea. What did he do?” I ask.
Melanie cracks her neck and sighs. “Nothing. He just wants a baby. He said he’s ready.” She twists her lips in thought. “Which, come to think of it, is that what this is about? Did you talk to Brian? Is he trying to get you to convince me it’s time to have kids? Is that why you asked how the kids are like a sadistic weirdo?” She leans over the table.
“What? No, I just...” I shake my head, unsure of how to make what I said make sense in this scenario. “Well, why are you hesitating? Five years ago you were thinking about getting pregnant and now the idea of a baby scares you.”
“Scare isn’t the right word,” she says. She pauses to collect her thoughts and I wait patiently, my mind creating a million scenarios of what could have possibly happened to make her change her mind. “You know when you put me in touch with Laura Spencer over at Sascha?”
“Yes,” I lie. I have no recollection of it but I’m sure it happened.
“Well, I remember thinking if I land an interview with her, I’ll get the job, and babies can wait.” She pauses for effect, letting her statement settle in my mind. It isn’t hard to piece it all together. Mel was bouncing around different admin positions to pay the bills when all she wanted was to be an art dealer. I know she must be talking about the Sascha Maurice Gallery in Belltown. Somehow, I met Laura Spencer, put her in touch with my sister, and...
“You got the job.” I smile at my sister. This version of her is beautiful. Edgy, sophisticated. She’s a little paler and her hair is longer. Her face still has that fresh glow but the way her eyebrows wiggle tell me it has less to do with Botox and more to do with years of full nights of sleep.
“And I love my job. It’s a dream. But the hours are hard for having a family—weekends, evenings.” She shrugs. “Would I even be a good mom?”
I swallow the thick, sticky emotion in my throat. Matty and Mason cross my mind. Their rambunctious nature. Their bright smiles and kissable dimples. It’s hard to imagine a world without my nephews. I love every part of them in a way I never knew I could.
My sister loved them—she cried to me over the phone after they were born because Matty wouldn’t latch on to breastfeed, and she didn’t know what to do. I remember how patient Brian was as he gave Matty a bottle and told Mel it was going to be okay. She was so nervous when they discovered his tongue tie and she face-timed me from the hallway of the doctor’s office, tears in her eyes with baby Mason wrapped like a bean in her arms.
She sent me videos of their first steps, her with a messy bun and tired eyes and the brightest smile I’ve ever seen on her face.
“Oh, Mel,” I say, blinking as many tears away as possible. “Iknowyou’re going to be the best mom.”
She nods. “Thank you. I’m still terrified.”
I reach a hand across the table and squeeze her hand. “It will be more beautiful than you know, though.”
She smiles at me with tears in her eyes. “So will Paris. Though, Mom still wants to murder you for not making it to Christmas.”
I try to laugh but it more or less comes out like an uncomfortable scoff. “Do you think I’m doing the right thing? Traveling for a year and leaving...” I choke on my spit before swallowing and saying his name. “Colin.”
Mel’s expression freezes. I sense her hesitation as she sighs and then starts to speak. “Do you remember what you said to me when you called the engagement off?”
