Page 66 of A World Without You
“Right.” I close my eyes for a moment, willing myself not to back out of confessing to this wildly outlandish scenario that happens to me randomly at night. I let go of a deep breath and brace my hands on the countertop. “Ever since the night I left Roslyn, I’ve been having these dreams. It feels exactly like what life would be like if I hadn’t left Colin five years ago, like some weird alternate universe—”
“Parallel,” he corrects, crossing his arms over his bare chest.
I let the word rattle in my head for a moment and then continue, “Anyway, at first, I thought they were just dreams that felt real because I’m lonely and regretful and yadda yadda. Until...” I pause for effect and lean forward. Bennett drops his arms and mimics my posture from the other side of the island. “It snowed on Thanksgiving in my dream, and then it snowed in real life on Thanksgiving.”
“Coincidence. It’s wintertime,” he suggests.
“Then Colin told me I have celiac in my dream, and it turns out I actually do have celiac.”
“I thought you didn’t have health insurance right now.”
“You’re deflecting.”
He shrugs.
“Then two nights ago, the water line burst in downtown Seattle, causing crazy road closures and traffic, and the entire city lost their holiday cheer.”
Bennett lets out a soft laugh. I lean closer.
“And when I left work yesterday, the water line had burst, and the road was closed,” I say this last sentence with slow, dramatic emphasis. “I’m living the same day in another universe before I get to live it in this one, only in that world, I’m still with Colin.”
Bennett stares at me with disbelief in his eyes and a twisted brow.
“You think I’m crazy,” I say.
“Straight delusional, but go on.” He rainbow-hands my permission to continue.
“Everything is pointing at Colin,” I say.
I think of my dreams and how good we are together. I think of how I’m leaving anyway and how Mel said maybe the timing is off. Then I remember seeing him in the office in this world. The way he smiled like it was painful to see me and how he told me he wishes he never had to see me again. The hurt in his eyes is forever seared into my brain.
“I can’t stop thinking about him.”
“Maybe you can’t stop thinking about him because you regret a choice you made, and the shitty situation you’re in right now is because of what that did to him five years ago. You’re crazy if you think he’s the answer to your problems.”
I hold up a hand. “Whoa. A man will not solve my problems, I know that. But he could be the person for me and we just had to go through this terrible stage to find each other again.”
Bennett scoffs. “You don’t know him anymore.”
“But I did once. I knew himsowell. And a part of me still does.”
“People change,” he says, unconvinced.
“Five years isn’t that long,” I say, my voice strangled.
“It’s not that short either.” His gaze snaps to mine, and I hold my breath.
There’s a lot of pain in his eyes, and I’m a fool not to acknowledge his life’s drastic changes in the last five years. He went from being married and expecting his first child to a single dad with no idea where his daughter’s mother is.
The pause is filled with the quietness only an early morning can provide.
“Do you want him back?” he asks.
“Yes,” I say, then choke on my own throat. “I think. Maybe. I don’t know. I just don’t want it to be what it is.”
Bennett nods.
“I can’t stand that he hates me.”
