Page 86 of A World Without You
NINETEEN
Sunday, December 17th
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REALIZATION HITS MElike a brick to the face.
Colin came for me there. He didn’t come for me here.
And it changed everything.
At a loss for what to make of my psychotic circumstances, I decide to be a useful human being. I go for a run, bake gluten-free banana bread, and vacuum all the tinsel and faux pine needles that have accumulated on the living room floor. I send over my picture files from Thanksgiving for printing and hope they’ll arrive by Christmas morning for gifts.
But in case they don’t, I go to the actual mall to shop for Christmas gifts. I bought gifts for Melanie and Brian and the boys months ago but still have a few to buy to complete my list. An Angora sweater and a pair of rain boots for my mother, a yard-sized Jenga game and an air fryer for my dad, the extended version of Exploding Kittens for the Hollands, which includes a cone of shame and I threw in a Kraken sweatshirt for Clint andChristmas With The Krankson DVD for Shannon. Josie is a little too easy to shop for. As I wander the aisles filled with dolls, accessories, and houses, I realize it would be easier to decide whatnotto get her. I settle on a doll-sized camper and two dolls.
Pleased with my choices, I head back to my parent’s house and notice the Holland’s car in the driveway, so I leave the gifts in the trunk. I shiver as I make my way through the front door, the sadness boiling my gut that has been simmering since my conversation with Colin seems to settle when I hear the sounds of Clint and Shannon laughing with my parents.
“Olivia!” Josie appears around the corner wearing a red dress and white tights.
“Hey, you! I didn’t know you were going to be here.”
“I had a cital,” she says, and I glance up at the parents for clarification.
“A recital,” Shannon clarifies. “The kindergarteners put on a little holiday concert and we stole her from Bennett after so we could bake cookies, and he could...get some shopping done.” She whispers the last bit and winks.
“Ah,” I raise my eyebrows then dip down to Josie’s level. “What was your favorite song you sang?”
“Jingle Bells!” she answers. “You should come to the next one!”
“I would love that and I’ll bring my camera to take pictures of the grand performance,” I say, enthusiasm dripping in my tone. “You know what else I’d love?”
“What?” she smiles her toothless grin.
“To eat some of those cookies.”
She shakes her head and crosses her arms over the satin bow of her dress. “Can’t. I’m saving them for Daddy.”
“Speaking of, we need to get you back to him. I promised him I’d have you home by four,” Shannon says, glancing at Clint and my dad watching the Seahawks game on the sofa. It’s the third quarter. Shannon looks at her watch and adjusts the gold band.
I can tell Clint and my dad have no desire to stop watching the game and I’m sure Shannon would love to continue chatting with my mom. “I can take her over there,” I say.
Shannon’s eyes brighten. “Are you sure?”
“I don’t mind.” I shrug. “I could use the distraction.”
Which is true. I don’t want to think of Colin. I don’t want to think about the state of my life, how I nearly drained my bank account on Christmas gifts to ease the pain of my conversation with Colin yesterday, and quite honestly, I don’t want to be in my childhood bedroom contemplating how I wound up thirty, divorced, and sleeping on a twin bed.
