Page 95 of A World Without You
“What?” He turns toward me.
“I don’t think I stopped having a crush on you, really. You just left and went to college. Then you were this big grownup in the city, and I was still finishing high school. Then I just stopped seeing you very often. So I guess I forgot to have a crush on you. Or maybe I forgot I still do.”
Bennett laughs, and it sounds just like it did when we were kids.
“But,” I add, leaning forward. “I do remember a specific moment where I knew you would never have a crush on me.”
He leans forward, encouraging me to continue.
“I forgot to lock the door, and you walked in on me using the bathroom, and I was mortified. I remember thinking, ‘well, he will never marry me now!’” I laugh, and so does he. I haven’t heard him laugh this much since we were kids. “I was eleven.”
“Wow! Thinking of marriage at only eleven,” he snarks, and I nod.
“I knew exactly what I wanted,” I tease back.
We stare at each other for a long moment. Charlie is in full-blown runaway mode with the elves in the movie but I don’t even glance toward the television. I find myself hyperaware of all of him. His manicured beard covering his dimples. His throat as he swallows. The flames from the fire reflected in his green-brown eyes as they dance over my face. The way his lips twitch before he says, “We should get some sleep.”
I shake myself out of the moment. “Yes, I’m sure we’ll have a day of playing in the snow with Josie and we need to rest up.”
He laughs and reaches for my hand to help me up from the couch. “Thanks for coming,” he says. “You know, with everything you’re going through, I know the holidays can magnify all of it, and it’s nice not to be alone.”
It isn’t a profound or even elegant statement, yet it feels like he reached inside my chest, took hold of my heart, and squeezed. “It’s probably good for both of us, huh?”
He presses his lips together, and a quiver of emotion arrives and passes in the blink of an eye. “It’s a good distraction.” He offers a sympathetic smile and pulls me in for a deep hug. “You’ll be all right, kid.”
I breathe in his scent, my head pressed against his heartbeat. “I will...we both will.”
TWENTY-ONE
DREAM 8
Monday, December 18th
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WHEN I OPEN MY EYESin Colin’s and my apartment, my first thought is: I don’t want to be here. I want to get back to Bennett.
