Page 84 of Goodbye Again
Me:Well, start planning my funeral now. I love you guys. RIP me.
“READY TO HEAD TO MOM’S?” Emily asks, interrupting my text session with Claire and Lena.
I jump with a clean baby in my arms. Mustard poo is a whole feat, and I think I just completed every prerequisite for motherhood.
“You okay?” she asks.
“Fine. Why?”
She eyes me suspiciously. “You seem off.”
I breathe out. “It’s nothing. I would just rather deal with mustard poo-mageddon but sure.”
Emily rolls her eyes and I grab her elbow, whispering, “Why didn’t you tell me ahead of time that”—I hesitate over saying his name—“Austin’s friends were going to be here?”
She shrugs and grabs her purse and diaper bag. “Is it a problem?”
I press my eyes closed. “No,” I breathe. Then recover. “No, of course not. I just feel like I’m imposing on, you know, friend time.”
My sister makes a face. “Shut up, weirdo. We love you,” she says with Alyson on her hip, then turns to Austin. “Babe, can you grab the car seat for me?”
Austin does as he’s told and JP magically appears downstairs in a black hoodie with a flannel over it and dark blue jeans. “Wait. I haven’t held the baby yet.”
“Come with us,” Emily suggests.
“For real?” he asks Emily, glancing at me. I try to make my rigid muscles relax, and focus on putting Anjali in her car seat.
“For real. This trip is so short. I know Austin wants to spend as much time with you as he can.”
He nods. “Okay. Will we all fit in your SUV?”
WE DON’T ALL FIT INa way that makes my heart stop pounding in his presence. But we make it work. Austin and Emily are in the front. The two car seats in the middle row of captain chairs. The three adults sit in the back row with JP in the middle. It’s a midsize SUV so he looks like a giant in the backseat with his knees practically curled into his chest. Under any other circumstance, I would tease him, but these aren’t normal circumstances. These are the kind of circumstances thatmake me want to smack him across the face and shout, “Why did you stop texting me?”
My gut burns with humiliation because I’m quite certain the reason is the beautiful redhead sitting next to him.
Engaged.My stomach feels like a brick being thrown out in the middle of the ocean, and my throat tightens. It’s stupid that I feel like crying. But it’s even more stupid that JP has fucked both girls next to him. He probably thinks this is hysterical. A real-life fantasy unfolding before his eyes, orchestrated by my sister and Austin.
I avoid all eye contact, but I don’t miss the nervous way he taps his thumb against his thigh. He did the same thing when I was in the hospital.
“Guess it’s time to look at minivans,” Emily teases, placing a hand on Austin’s arm.
He laughs, flicking on his left blinker. “You said you’d never.”
“That version of me said that childless... diaper bag-less, stroller-less.” She runs a hand through her hair. “I swear, I have two small humans and a million things. I feel crazy most of the time. Packing for the grocery store is like packing for a weekend away and I still forget something!”
I smile at my sister, staying quiet with Anjali sleeping in front of me, buckled snuggly in her car seat. Alyson is banging her sippy cup against the window, babbling like she’s a part of the conversation.
“You’re nursing, though, right? At least you always have your boobs!” Audrey says, and we all laugh. Including me. And JP—God, I missed that sound.
She’s lovely. Dammit.
“You’re already out and about?” JP asks.
“Yes. I’m back to work in less than four weeks.” Emily tilts her head back against the headrest. There’s a groan buried inher voice—a pang of sadness. Austin reaches over and takes her hand, kissing her wrist gently, clearly having sensed it too.
“That’s crazy. I feel like I’d still be bedridden,” Audrey says. I glance over at them just as JP squeezes her knee and it feels like a vice is around my ribcage.
“Did you know the US is one the most developed countries but has the shortest maternity leave?”
