Page 107 of Goodbye Again
“Thank you,” I breathe.
“Don’t be weird. He might get mad I gave it to you,” Emily says. I can hear the refrigerator open and close in the background.
“He won’t care.”
There’s a brief pause, and I can’t tell if it’s because Emily is distracted by her daughter or simply in the middle of a task, but I wait. “Thank you, Julia. I wish we could fix this.”
I nod, though she can’t see. I wish I could too. I just want to be there for JP. His expression in the car two months ago, the dark circles under his eyes, the set of his jaw when we mentioned her name. All of it made me feel empathy like I’ve never known.
“Everything will be okay.”
“I hope so,” she says. “It’s so strange. I don’t feel like we’re old enough to be experiencing something like this.”
“Unfortunately, tragedy knows no age.”
“Right,” she says softly. “Listen, I’m sorry, I have to go. Alyson has gymnastics.”
As soon as we hang up, I call JP.
It rings and rings and rings...
“Hello?”
“JP...” I say—more of a breath. I’m shocked. No one answers their phone these days if it’s an unknown number.
“Jesus, Jules,” he says, clearly knowing my voice right away—which is as eerie as it is expected. I still hear him whisper my name—nothing about him has faded. The memory of his touch, his laugh, his smile, his voice—all of it is woven into the very fabric of my mind.
“I’m sorry, I stole your number from Emily. I just... well, I’m just trying to be a friend and I wanted to check on Audrey and I wanted to hear it from you and not Emily or Austin and I—”
“We’ve been waiting to hear from a doctor from the Chicago area code—” He exhales so loud I have to pull the phone from my ear. “I thought... fuck.”
Realization washes over me. “Oh. Oh, no. I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize I was...” I swallow—well, more like choke down the emotions rushing up my throat with my saliva. “I don’t know what to say.”
He laughs, albeit humorless and tired, but it’s enough to miss him again. “It’s good to hear your voice.”
I smile through my breath. “You too.”
There’s a deep pause, though it doesn’t necessarily feel awkward. It almost feels like relief.
“How’s Audrey?” I ask.
JP breathes over the line and I can tell he’s starting to cry. “It’s awful,” he says. “I just...” he’s choking now, hiccupping over words and emotions while all of mine rise to my eyes until tears spill over. “I’m sorry, Jules... I don’t want you to hear me like this. I can usually keep it together but I—”
“You don’t have to keep it together, JP. I would hate for someone to call me while I’m in your position and expect me to keep together. I’d also hate if they expected me to fall apart. I’d hate if they expected anything out of me at all, so I guess I’m just calling to say you can do whatever you need to do, okay?”
He laughs a little then sniffs. “Yeah,” is his only response.
“Can I help?”
“I don’t...” his voice trails and it feels like rejection. It feels like I need to back off and go back to offering get-well wishes and sending flowers. But then he says, “Maybe you could just come.”
I swallow, nodding profusely. “Yeah, sure. Where? When?” I rattle off the questions.
He gives me the address and we agree on tomorrow.
“You sure?” I ask before we say goodbye.
“I’m sure. There’s no point in saying no. Plus, Audrey would love to see you,” he answers.
