Page 138 of Goodbye Again
“This is it though,” he breathes into my neck. “We can’t do this again.”
“We’ve said that before,” I laugh out the response.
He freezes, gaze burning as it sweeps over my face. “We have to mean it this time.”
I swallow against his hand as it caresses my neck. “Okay,” I whisper.
He waits one moment, then two. It reminds me of our first kiss and how it seemed like he was contemplating all the ways he could kiss me for the first time. Only this time, he’s contemplating all the ways he could kiss me for the last.
A slow hand wraps around my waist, pulling me against him, and his other slides into my hair at the base of my neck. He pulls gently, making my face tilt up toward his, releasing the tension and hesitation in my mind while his other hand roams, making something pull tighter in the depth of my belly. He moves closer until he’s millimeters from my lips, entangling each breath, slow whispers of want traveling between us until finally his soft lips land on mine. At first, he’s so gentle, careful, and meticulous in how he kisses me. Then the slow wave of tension crashes between us and the kiss turns reckless—lips between teeth, nails against skin. Every memory of us centering in this one single moment of gravity.
It’s just a kiss, and yet, I’m completely swept away.
“Wait,” he breathes against my lips.
I draw back, not at all wanting to stop. My ego feels slightly punctured until I see him reach for the lamp and turn it on.
“I want to see you,” he says.
I unleash a slow smile, my chest rising and falling with each heavy breath. I step closer to him, curling my fingers into his belt, unlatching it, and sliding it out in one swift movement. The crack of the leather makes me smile, and he bites down on his lip. My fingers work on his zipper as his hand glides up my blouse. I grip his shirt as his finger hooks inside my panties. I know what he’s going to find, and he knows what he’s going to find, but his eyes still light up when he feels how wet I am against his fingertips. I shudder and grip the fabric of his jeans to pull them off, but the way his fingers are moving against me makes my movements cease. Overcome with sensation, I bite down on his shoulder and moan. His free hand becomes intertwined with my hair and he tilts my head back, kissing me with the same wavelike movement as his fingers.
“Oh, God. JP...” I pull at his shirt and pull down his jeans. “There are still too many clothes.”
He smiles against my mouth and I remove his shirt and immediately reach inside his boxers, finally getting my hands on him. He bites his lip and tightens his grip on the nape of my neck as he walks me backward until I’m pressed against the wall. He grips my panties and tugs until they fall to my ankles and I kick them off. He slows down again, unzipping the back of my satin skirt until it slinks down my body and lands on the floor with my panties.
“We can leave that here,” he says, his voice deep and smooth.
I swallow hard as he takes half a step back, his gaze drifting over every inch of my skin. Then he grips my waist, his thumb pressing into my hip bone as he pulls me against him. I can feel him hard against my stomach and the pressure alone makes me moan.
His hand curves around me until he lifts me off the ground, moving me up the stairs to the bedroom and laying me down gently on the bed. When he goes down on me, I climb to my peak within moments, tugging at his hair, arching my back, and levitating off the mattress.
“JP...” My chest heaves. I can’t catch my breath enough to speak.
“You good?” His eyes are a darker shade of green as he gazes up at me and runs his hand over my stomach until he reaches the curve of my breast.
“So good,” I breathe. “I need more.”
He smiles, slow and confident, before pulling a condom out of his wallet. I take it from him and roll it on with two strokes as he bends over me and kisses me gently.
But what he does after is everything but gentle. It’s savage. It’s starving. It’s rough. He pulls my hair and pushes into me, claiming my body and making me cry out.
“Goddamn, you feel so good.” His voice vibrates over my skin, and liquid heat pools inside me as he moves. Fast then slow. Rough then gentle. The perfect ache builds inside me until I bite his shoulder and my nails drag down his back. I hope I leave a mark. I hope when he wakes up tomorrow, he sees my teeth marks on his shoulder and the scratches from my nails on his back and remembers me. I hope he remembers that over and over he’s gotten me to fall in love with him, even when I said I wouldn’t.
It’s wrong and beautiful. Painful and perfect. It’s like it’s the last day on Earth, because in this weird world we’ve created with each other, it probably is.
forty
HE KISSES MY SHOULDER, running a languid finger up and down my arm. “You’re really moving.”
I nod. “I really am.”
“I don’t know if I can do this again,” he says, without meeting my eyes.
A feverish chill prickles up my spine. “Do what?”
“Let my heart see your heart, and love you with the expectation of never.” His lips twist.
A somber feeling cloaks my entire being. “Yeah, I know what you mean.” I swallow hard, afraid of what I’m about to ask. The emotions in my throat are strangling my voice so I can barely whisper. “Do you think we’re just not good for each other?”
