Page 78 of Goodbye Again
He holds me tighter, a prolonged squeeze that makes me feel like he’s trying to take me with him. But finally, he releases me. He kisses my forehead and he walks through the sliding doors into the airport.
And just like that, he’s gone even when he feels so presently here in the space between my heart and mind.
I’m proud of him and all the life he’s going to experience. I let him go in all the ways I know how to.
Even still, we text for a month. Morning and night for weeks until a day passes without hearing from him. Then two. Then three. Then, an entire week. As the texting becomes less sincere and more sporadic, I feel triumphant that I knew this would happen despite my feelings.
Then, before I know it, an entire month has been eaten by time without a single word from him. And just like that, he becomes a complete memory. Not of what once was, but what could have been.
fourth chance
JULY
8 MONTHS LATER
twenty
“JULIA?”
I turn away from the red curry at Trader Joe’s and see JP’s sister, Bianca, standing in the aisle with a baby bump, a huge smile, and a box of popsicles in her hand.
“Oh my gosh! Hi!” I can’t say who initiates the hug because we both go in at the same time.
“I thought that was you! I love the new hair!” she exclaims.
A mindlessly touch my shorter locks. “Well, new clinic, new hair, I guess.” I let out a stupid laugh that doesn’t land as awkward because Bianca is a delight.
“New clinic? That’s amazing! How has it all been?” she asks.
“Good. It’s a lot of work and we just opened last month so I’ve been drowning, and trying to keep up, but it’s been so good.”
She smiles softly, and my eyes fall to her belly.
“And you?” I ask, leaving it open-ended. I don’t care how obvious. I will never assume pregnancy. I’d rather ask if they’ve been abducted by aliens recently before assuming there’s a baby in their belly.
She sweeps her hand over her sundress covering her stomach. “Due next month. So I feel pretty disgusting but also very happy.”
“That’s so exciting! Tell Joe I said congratulations.”
“I will. Have you seen JP yet?”
I inhale sharply. “No, I haven’t. I didn’t know he was home,” I keep my tone light and friendly. JP and I haven’t texted formonths. He was gone. I opened my clinic. Life goes on with or without communicating until all of a sudden, it’s been months since we spoke.
“Yeah, he got back three weeks ago. He’s back at his apartment. Gosh, this year has flown by. I’ve spent half of the days at doctor’s appointments and the other half toting Maxine to and from dance.” She laughs and tucks her hair behind her ear.
“I get it,” I politely commiserate with her.
“Anyway, it was good to see you. You look beautiful.”
“You too. Congratulations again. Please tell JP hi for me.”
She waves a hand in the air. “You should tell him yourself.”
twenty-one
STILL CLUTCHING MYbrown paper bag from Trader Joe’s, I make the rash decision to hop on the L and head to his place instead of going home to mine.
Is it a terribly stupid idea? Yes.
