Page 73 of Play Dirty
I feel my phone buzz in my pocket, pulling it out, I look down at the message. A picture of June fills the screen, naked and covering her face.
Anonymous
Not as innocent as you might think. Can you trust the person who lied the most?
What the fuck does that mean?
I look down at the phone, confused, debating if I should tell Shiloh, but then I stop myself. The need to protect her stifles the words in my throat. I pocket my phone, climbing off the bike. “I used to come here when I needed to think, and after Fernanda, this became a second home.”
“Did she die?” She asks quietly, her eyes still focused on the water.
“She did.”
“How?”
“I don’t know.”
She turns to look at me, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, the moon reflecting the light of her pale skin. “Do you miss her?”
The question is double-edged. Did I miss my sister, or do I miss June? “I do.”
She smiles, content with my answer, as a single tear runs down her cheek and over her lip. “I miss her so much and being close to you,” She inhalesdeeply. “And wanting you feels like a punishment more than a reward.”
“I know.”
“Do you?”
I take a deep breath in and look into the horizon and not her eyes. Not the hurt that those icy orbs reflect. “I was going to end things with her after we returned to campus. I carry that guilt, just like I carry the shame of what I feel for you.”
She lets out a shaky breath beside me, our fingers gently brushing against each other. “I told you that you shouldn’t trust me, and I meant it. There’s so much that you don’t know, and I will probably never tell.”
“Like–” she begins, but the words die in her throat, only allowing a small sniffle to come out of her. I know what she’s going to ask, and I don't put her through the pain of asking me flat out about what happens with Mr. J.
“Yes, like that. I’m broken, Shiloh. Everything in me is fucked. I can’t give you anything good. Just this feeling that eats me alive every time I see you. Obsession. That’s all it is. One look… that’s all it took for you to flip everything inside me. Fuck.” I run a hand down my face before moving down my chest. “Pushing you away that night after the hunt was the best thing I could have done for you. A mercy.”
She scoffs as her body turns towards me. “Do you see him? When you look at me?”
“Yes.” She flinches as if my words punched her. “Nico, oh god.” She sobs into her hands. I wrap my arms around her, holding her. I console her as she breaks down in my arms. Shiloh isn’t as strong as I am emotionally, but it’s okay because I bear the weight for both of us. I run my hand down her back.
“Fuck, Shi…. I don’t want to make you cry. I think… fuck. I think I’ve been in love with you this whole time. And I hated myself for it. For being weak, for not being enough. For being broken.” My eyes blur as I pull away, cupping her wet hand in my face.
“I’m sorry about June. I’m sorry that I was a coward. I’m sorry about your—” My words are cut short by the soft press of her lips. Saltiness and Shiloh mingle in my taste buds as my lips open to allow her in. She fists my shirt, her tongue softly brushing against mine. My body relaxes into hers. The sound of the ocean plays the perfect melody, making me feel like I’m floating. She pulls away slightly to allow us to breathe, and we pant into each other’s mouths. The sound is ragged and desperate. “Stop being sorry, Nico. And start looking at me.” She kisses me softly, her voice quivering. “Not him.”
Each brush of her tongue against mine tells me everything that’s left unsaid between us. I’m sorry. I’m in love with you. I’m scared.
Chapter Twenty - Nine
Shiloh
Iwake up to the sound of birds chirping outside the window, rubbing the sleep from my eyes before turning over to my side. My gaze falls on the kept and empty bed sitting on the opposite end of the room. Sometimes I picture that she’s just not home, that she’s just in class or somewhere else. Yet the smell of her no longer lingers within these walls, my body still buzzes with a wide range of emotions.
Guilt, shame, desire, and joy blend into one torturous feeling… One I wish I could put behind me. My phone pings, but I ignore the sound, sulking in the warm sun as it peeks through the curtains. I got home late, and I still don’t know what to think of all of this.
Nico and I.
What I do know is that whatever my father is doing, it ends. He can no longer hurt him, that much I’ll make sure of. That much I know I can do. Fix. I lie back on the pillow, Sundays no longer feel the same, and I hate it. No more burnt chocolate pancakes that we will eat without a care as we watch our romance anime before I head to my Sunday duties at the sorority house. I close my eyes, sorting through the many memories June and I shared.
“Are you in love with Nico?” I ask as I bite into the piece of burnt pancake, June stops mid chew. Her eyes shift to the window. She’s contemplating? Is she not in love with him? So many questions run through my mind as I wait for her reply.
