Page 20 of Winter Nights at the Bay Bookshop
‘I spotted you with book one earlier,’ she said. ‘Have you read them all?’
‘Several times.’
‘Me too. My all-time favourite book isAlice’s Adventures in Wonderland, but this series is a close second. I’m Cassie and it would bedazzlingly clever, I think.’
‘Lily, and same here althoughdivinely beautifulwould be nice and…’
The teacher entered the classroom, drawing the conversation to a close, but Cassie gave me the warmest smile and I felt positive for the first time in weeks.
Anne Shirley said she and Diana Barry werekindred spiritsand, over the weeks that followed, I realised I’d found my own kindred spirit in Cassie Hynde. Or, rather, she’d found me thanks to her spotting me sitting all alone on a wall readingAnne of Green Gablesafter Lars Jóhannsson so cruelly rejected my offer of friendship.
I wasn’t in any classes with Jordan or Rhianna but, if we crossed paths during breaks or lunchtime, the pair of them couldn’t resist making snide comments. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt, but I was largely able to brush it off, especially with Cassie by my side. What was harder to brush off was Lars’s rejection, especially when I had so many classes with him. Even though we’d only ever talked about books together, I’d genuinely believed we were friends and it hurt that not only had he not felt the same but that he no longer wanted anything to do with me.
I had to be a glutton for punishment because I tried on several other occasions to connect with Lars. I refused to accept there hadn’t been a bond between us and, having seen him so at ease in Bay Books, I was convinced it was the school environment which was holding him back. I also felt sorry for him. He was half-English, half-Icelandic and sometimes spoke in a mixture of both languages. I never knew whether he did it unconsciously or deliberately but it drew the attention of the bullies and the impatience of several teachers. I couldn’t bear to see anyone being bullied, especially as I knew how it felt to be on the receiving end. Towards the end of the first term, I suggested to Cassie that we sit with Lars at lunchtime and offer our friendship. But he threw it back in our faces, barely acknowledged Cassie and had a go at me for thinking I wasperfect. My appearance at the time was anything but perfect and, while my academic record was good, his was better so I couldn’t make sense of what he was on about. Next thing I knew, he’d christened meLittle Miss Perfect, as though I was a character from a Roger Hargreaves book. Fortunately, he didn’t have the friendships or influence for my nonsense nickname to catch on.
After that, I stopped trying to salvage the friendship I thought we’d had and steered clear of him but that wasn’t always possible as sometimes teachers partnered us up to work together. I hated the tension between us when that happened and, when I was fifteen, I’d had enough. I demanded he tell me what his problem was with me, especially when I’d never behaved unreasonably towards him and was never going to. I’d expected a retort along the lines of,of course not because you’re Little Miss Perfect, but he looked shocked and suggested we get on with our assignment in silence instead. We weren’t partnered up after that so I never found out whether my outburst had any impact.
At sixth form, Lars and I had no A levels in common and, although I spotted him occasionally, we never spoke again and it made me sad because I missed the young boy I knew from the shop and couldn’t help feeling that he was still in there somewhere and perhaps I should have tried harder to find him, but how could I? How does anyone find the courage to keep pushing at a door that’s repeatedly slammed in their face? It was a bit of a theme for me. If someone pushed me away, I didn’t fight for them. I hadn’t done it with Jordan or Lars. I hadn’t done it with Ewan or Wes either. But I had fought for Justin. My biological father had repeatedly pushed me away and let me down and I kept going back for more. It made no sense to me, especially when he was the one who, out of all of them, had added the least to my life.
I glanced back at Lars’s CV. We needed the staff and he was by far the best applicant for the job. And, in all honesty, I was curious. What sort of man had the boy who’d rejected me grown into?
11
LARS
My stomach was in knots as I walked from the car park towards Castle Street for my interview at Bay Books. With setting up My Study Hub at seventeen and being my own boss ever since, I’d never had a formal job interview in my whole life. I’d been an interviewer, of course, while I carefully selected the right people for my team as the business expanded, but it was going to be strange being on the other side of the table. Opposite Lily.
I’d meant it about not applying for the job at Bay Books but Danika had appointed herself as my careers advisor and messaged me each day asking if I’d submitted my CV or even if I needed help putting a CV together – something else I didn’t have because I’d never needed one. After a few days of fobbing her off, she’d FaceTimed me.
‘This job is perfect for you and we both know it. What’s stopping you applying, because I know there’s something you’re not telling me?’
So I told her about how much of an idiot I’d been at school and how there was no way Lily Appleton would have forgotten the cruel way in which I cast aside our friendship.
‘School was a long time ago, Lars,’ she said. ‘Are you still that idiot?’
‘God, no!’
‘Are you sorry for what you did?’
‘Very.’
‘Then apply for the job. Worst-case scenario is she remembers, she’s still hurt and you don’t get an interview. What have you lost?’
‘My dignity,’ I joked.
When Danika raised her eyebrows at me, I shook my head. ‘Okay, I’ll have lost nothing.’
‘So write that CV and get submitting.’
Which is exactly what I did, although admittedly only the evening before the closing date. I’m not sure if I’d have even done that if Danika hadn’t driven round to Fountain Street and stood over me. I genuinely didn’t expect to get shortlisted and had assumed the email which arrived from Bay Books would be a rejection, a thrill running through me when it wasn’t. The email explained that interviews needed to be on an evening after the shop had closed and would be with the co-owners Marcus and Lily.
As soon as he opened the door, I recognised Marcus – tall and slim with a friendly face, the only change being that his dark hair was now greying round the temples – and experienced a momentary flashback to my childhood, handing over the books I’d chosen at the till and having him tell me what great choices I’d made.
‘Thanks for meeting us after hours, Lars,’ he said as he shook my hand. ‘We’re through the back in the children’s section.’
The lights in the main part of the shop were on low and I glanced around me, a feeling of being home consuming me as it always did whenever I was in a bookshop or library. I hadn’t been in here for over twenty years but there was a familiarity about the place which had practically been a second home for me growing up. Until it became a place to avoid because of how I’d treated Lily.
I followed Marcus to the rear of the shop and it was like stepping back in time. The shelves were arranged just as I remembered them and there were still colourful tub chairs dotted around the room. Marcus said something but I didn’t catch it, a memory overwhelming me of crouching in front of the shelves beside my four-year-old sister. Pia had loved coming here and I’d loved being here with her, seeing her eyes sparkle as she scanned the shelves, ran her fingers along the colourful spines and carefully eased out a book which called to her.
