Page 40 of Winter Nights at the Bay Bookshop
‘Of course! Why wouldn’t I be? It’s amazing news.’
‘It is, but I know it can’t be easy for you.’
She didn’t need to explain what she meant. If things had worked out as expected with Ewan, I’d have walked up the aisle before Kadence and we’d have had children first. But it wasn’t to be. And if things had worked out with Wes, a pretty village home, marriage and kids would have been imminent but that wasn’t to be either and, strangely, it didn’t bother me nearly as much as it would have a few weeks ago.
I walked over to the fridge and topped up my glass of wine. ‘I really am okay. Being thirty-four, single, childless and living at home aren’t what I expected butthe unexpected things in life are often the best.’
Mum smiled. ‘They certainly are. Come here, you!’ She pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head. ‘You mightn’t be able to see yet why the hurt those two caused you is for the best, but I’m confident you will do soon.’
‘I’m already starting to. Dad told me about you both thinking that neither of them were my Gilbert Blythe and I can see that now. Amazing what a bit of time and space can do.’
‘I’m so glad you feel that way. He’s out there and I’m sure you’ll meet him soon. Maybe you already have.’
Lars immediately came to mind and my heart began racing.
‘We’ll have to wait and see,’ I said, smiling at Mum. ‘As Anne Shirley says, I don’t know what lies around the bend, but I am going to believe the best does.’
Couldthe bestbe Lars? Everything about him had turned out to be unexpected and I had to admit that offering him the job was the best thing I could possibly have done. He’d already proved himself to be an asset as an employee in a very short space of time. He’d fitted seamlessly into the team and I felt as though the friendship we’d forged when we were nine but lost at school was developing nicely. I’d hoped in my teens for more than friendship and those feelings had returned and intensified with the passing weeks. I had no idea what Lars thought of me but if by some miracle he was attracted to me too, could I even consider going there? For a moment, I really thought I could and it warmed and thrilled me.
But then the what ifs set in and my heart sank. What if it all went horribly wrong? We wouldn’t be able to keep working together and, without the cover for Dad, I’d be stuffed. As would my heart. I wasn’t strong enough to cope with someone breaking it yet again. I couldn’t pick myself up, brush myself off and start over again. I just couldn’t. After being rejected by Jordan, Lars, Ewan, Wes and repeatedly by Justin, Lars rejecting me once more would be one rejection too many for me and I’d probably never recover.
The idea of a future with Lars was pretty amazing but it needed to stay just that – an idea, a dream, a fantasy. Because the reality of it going wrong was far too scary.
22
LILY
I’d only got as far as switching on the system at Bay Books the following morning when there was a knock on the front door. I looked up, surprised to see Lars peering through the glass. Last night, I’d resolved not to allow my feelings towards him develop any further, but my heart betrayed me now by racing and setting off the butterflies in my stomach. There was no denying that I’d missed him immensely in the two days we’d been apart.
‘You’re keen,’ I said, ushering him in out of the cold. ‘You do realise it’s only half seven?’
‘I woke up crazily early for some reason and, as you’d mentioned you were coming in half an hour early to ramp up Christmas, I thought I’d be more use here than wandering aimlessly around an unfurnished house.’
He paused and I was about to ask why his house was unfurnished but he spoke again before I had the chance.
‘Is it a tea or coffee morning?’
I smiled. ‘Always a coffee on a Monday. I need the kickstart.’
‘Two strong coffees coming up.’
‘Jeeves has already brought up some Christmas decorations,’ I said, pointing to a pile of crates in the stationery section. ‘I’ve piled some more up in the staff room. Can you send them up? It’ll probably take two trips.’
‘Will do.’
Lars slipped his coat off as he walked down the stairs, flexing a bicep as he flung it over his shoulder, which sent my butterflies soaring. He hadn’t justgrown into his face, he’d grown into his body too and in a seriously impressive way. And I needed to stop staring at him. But before I could tear my eyes away, he looked back and held my gaze for a moment and the warm smile he gave me sent the butterflies into chaos. Clearly my resolve was extremely weak!
‘Was that everything you wanted?’ Lars asked when he joined me a bit later. ‘No tree?’
‘Not just yet. Last week we did a flavour of Christmas, this week is a bit of bling with lights and garlands but next week will be full-on Christmas, putting the tree up and doing a big window display.’ I nodded towards the boxes. ‘We should be able to get this lot up today but a key priority is getting some posters done and a newsletter out. We’ve had an author event confirmed for the end of the month.’
‘The end ofthismonth?’ Lars asked, raising an eyebrow.
I nodded. ‘Normally it would be an absolute no at this late stage but she’s a regular and she always packs the room out. It’s my granny, Josephine Forrest.’
Lars’s eyes widened. ‘Your grandma is Josephine Forrest?’
‘Yes.’
