Page 49 of Winter Nights at the Bay Bookshop
Lily tucked the handset under her chin and tapped her password into the computer. It sounded like it might be a long conversation so I took my coffee through to the children’s section to give her some space. It was my favourite section of the shop, thanks to the happy childhood memories it evoked, especially from being in here with Pia. Looking at the Bookmas tree, I remembered her sitting cross-legged on the floor shortly after her fifth birthday, her hat, coat and scarf abandoned beside her as she carefully studied the cover illustration on a book she’d chosen before turning it over to read the blurb. Nodding her approval, she reached for another and repeated the exercise until she had a pile of maybe a dozen books. Mum appeared at that point and laughed, reminding Pia that she was only meant to be choosing two books to read over the weekend and that, if she wanted the rest, she’d have to see what the Thirteen Lads,Jólabókaflóðand Father Christmas brought for her. Mum asked me to help my sister back into her coat and make sure she was wrapped up warmly while she paid for two of the books.
‘You look lost in thought,’ Lily said, appearing by my side and making me jump. ‘Sorry! I didn’t mean to creep up on you like that.’
‘It was me being miles way. I was looking at the Bookmas tree and had a sudden memory of my sister.’ I explained what had happened, adding, ‘Mum whipped the rest of the books away while she didn’t think we were looking. Pia received a couple of the books forJólabókaflóðand the rest on Christmas Day. That’s how I discovered that Father Christmas didn’t exist and it was really my parents.’
‘Aw, Lars, how old were you?’
‘I’d turned nine just before Christmas so it wasn’t too bad. And it’s not like Mum did it deliberately – I was just too observant for my own good. I never spoiled it for Pia, though. She always believed. She thought Christmas was magical. Any time she was really ill, she’d pretend it was Christmas. She said she could feel the magic in the air and it made her feel better.’
‘That’s a beautiful memory. It sounds like she was an amazing little girl.’
‘She was. The absolute best.’ The words came out croaky and I could feel myself getting emotional.
Lily placed her hand on my arm and gave me a reassuring smile. ‘When we talk away from the shop and all the interruptions, I’d love to hear more about her if it’s not too painful to share your memories with me.’
Gazing into her kind eyes, I realised I wasn’t just falling for Lily Appleton all over again. It was a done deal. But we were at work and it wasn’t the place to do anything about it. I cleared my throat and smiled at her. ‘That would be great. So, what are today’s priorities?’
‘We’ve had a brilliant response already to Granny Blue’s book launch so, after we’ve dealt with the delivery, we’ll get an attendee list started and I’ll tell you more about how it’ll run.’
* * *
Although Monday had been quiet, business really picked up across the week and the times when there wasn’t a customer in the shop were few and far between. We didn’t typically have many customers during the first hour of trading but that – and the hour before it – were always busy dealing with orders placed overnight and sorting out the delivery which usually arrived shortly after nine.
I kept blowing hot and cold as to whether to get it all out on the table with Lily about my crazy obsession with her having the perfect life when clearly she’d had her own challenges with her flaky biological father but, even if I had made my mind up to tell her, there wasn’t the opportunity. It wasn’t the sort of conversation to have in twenty parts between customers.
That wasn’t the only conversation we didn’t revisit. Going out for a drink after work never cropped up again. I’d psyched myself up to asking Lily out for a drink on Tuesday but it seemed she and Cassie were going out after work with Jemma who ran the teddy bear shop. I hadn’t a clue how to raise it after that because I wasn’t sure what Lily wanted – a friendly chat with a colleague or something more – and I didn’t want to mess things up. There’d been no further honest conversations, no moments between us, no more touches. I wondered whether I’d imagined the chemistry and my confidence gave me a mocking salute before running off down the cobbles.
Danika and I arranged to meet up in The Purple Lobster after we both finished work on Friday. Christmas had arrived in the pub with a large tree just inside the door, colourful paper garlands strung across the ceiling and bar, and paper decorations in the shape of Christmas trees, bells, baubles and snowmen hanging from the beams.
It was busy but there was no sign of Danika. She favoured fruit ciders so I ordered one of those for her and a pint for me and had only just found a table and sat down with our drinks when she arrived, sounding breathless.
‘Sorry I’m late,’ she said as she placed her coat over the back of her chair and unwound her scarf.
‘I honestly don’t mind.’
She poured her drink into a branded glass and took several big gulps. ‘I needed that.’
‘Dare I ask?’
Danika sighed heavily. ‘Cat arranged for her latest conquest to pick her up as she finished work, which would have been fine, except she’d forgotten to tell her previous bloke that they were through and they were both sitting in the waiting room. As soon as she walked in, they both stood up, grinning at her, stepped forward to kiss her and realised what had happened. It turns out they already knew each other because one of them had previously had a fling with the other’s now ex-girlfriend, so it all kicked off and we had to call the police to break them up. That was fun.’
I winced. ‘You didn’t get caught up in it, did you?’
‘No. I was the one behind the glass partition making the 999 call. Cat was fine too but one of our cardboard promo stands got a fist through it. The upside is that Dad insisted on Cat going back home with him so he and Mum could have a conversation with her about herlife choices.’ She added air quotes to emphasise the last two words. ‘Hopefully they can get through to her because nothing I say ever does and…’ She paused and scrunched up her face. ‘Please don’t judge me but I took advantage of the situation. I took Dad aside and suggested he might want to encourage Cat to move home while she sorts herself out because the drama’s getting too much for me and I’m on the verge of asking her to leave. Does that make me an awful person?’
I shook my head. ‘I think it makes you human. She was only meant to be staying with you temporarily. It would be different if she had nowhere else to go but you’ve got to be allowed to have your own space.’
‘My owntidyspace,’ she said. ‘Thank you. I needed to hear that. Anyway, enough about me, how’s your week been?’
‘Mixed. I need your advice on something…’
Danika already knew about my parents divorcing and me living with Nanna but I hadn’t told her about my sister dying and how that tragic loss had triggered it all, so I shared that and how hard the months that followed had been.
‘That first day at school when Mum wasn’t there to take my photo, it felt as though a red mist descended on me. I hated Mum for abandoning me, hated Pabbi for returning to Iceland and even hated Pia for leaving me. I hated the whole world and was determined never to let anyone in again because, if I didn’t let them get close, they couldn’t hurt me when they left. Which they would, because that was what people did to me. Sooner or later, they all abandoned me.’
‘Aw, Lars, you must have been in so much pain.’
‘I was and I took it out on Lily…’ I shared what had gone through my mind when I’d seen Lily with her family in Bay Books and how horrible I was to her that first day at school.
