Page 60 of Winter Nights at the Bay Bookshop
Lily’s eyes widened. ‘Perfect. Is that why you called me…’
‘Little Miss Perfect?’ I suggested when she tailed off, wincing at the memory. ‘It is and you have no idea how much I’ve regretted that.’
‘I always wondered about the name. I didn’t get it because I couldn’t see anything perfect about me. I had this bird’s nest of crazy hair and braces so I knew it couldn’t be anything to do with my looks. It couldn’t be about grades either because you did better than me.’
‘It was such a stupid thing to say and it was never really about you – it was about me and my issues and making huge assumptions about something I knew nothing about.’
I searched her face for any signs of contempt but all I saw was empathy.
‘No kid should have to go through what you did,’ she said, her voice gentle. ‘If you hadn’t seen me with my family, do you think you’d have been different with me on our first day at school?’
‘That’s a great question.’ I pondered on it for a moment before shaking my head. ‘You know, I’m not sure I would. Mum leaving that morning without saying goodbye was my breaking point in a horrendous year. Nearly all the people I cared about had let me down and I wanted to be on my own so nobody else could hurt me. And then the only friend I’d ever made appeared with a smile and a book in her hand and the protective walls went up. If I let you in, I thought you’d abandon me too because that’s what the people I cared about did.’
Tears pooled in her eyes as she took my hand in hers. ‘Oh, Lars, I wish I’d known.’
‘I couldn’t have told you at the time because I couldn’t make sense of it myself but, as time went on, I wondered if somehow you did know because why else would you keep trying to be my friend when I didn’t deserve it?’
‘Because I couldn’t help myself. I had no idea what had happened to you or why you’d turned on me but I knew there was something. I could see this vulnerability in you and I wanted to help. I’d see you around school reading a book and I’d ache for the bookish conversations we used to have in this very room.’ She bit her lip and lowered her eyes, shaking her head, then looked up at me with a rueful smile. ‘As we’re confessing things, I should admit that I read all the same books as you so that we could talk about them if you ever changed your mind about me.’
‘You never did!’
‘I did and I’m forever grateful for that because you read such an eclectic mix of books and widened my reading massively.’ She squeezed my hand. ‘I wanted our friendship back and sometimes I’d catch you looking at me across the classroom and get this sense that you wanted that too.’
My heart leapt that she’d noticed and I placed my other hand over hers. ‘So much, but I’d convinced myself there was no way you’d want to be friends after how I’d treated you. And there was definitely no way you’d consider being…’ I gulped and lowered my eyes, staring at our entwined hands, cursing myself for being too chicken to say it.
‘Consider being what?’ Lily asked, her voice soft and encouraging. ‘Look at me, Lars.’
I raised my eyes to hers. There’d never be a better time to admit it. ‘We could have been more than friends. I wanted you to be my girlfriend, but I didn’t know what to do with those feelings so I wrapped them up with my confusion and envy, repeatedly pushing you away instead. Truth is I thought you were the prettiest girl I’d ever seen and the nicest one too. I know nothing I said or did would ever have given you the impression I felt that way but, believe me, I did.’
She kept her eyes on mine but didn’t speak for a moment, and then she added quietly, ‘Did?’
‘Still do.’ My heart was pounding so loudly, I could barely hear the words and wondered if I’d even spoken them but I evidently had because, next moment, Lily’s lips were pressed against mine.
She released my hands and her arms snaked round my neck as she ran her fingers into my hair. I pushed her curls back from her face and, as though of one mind, we rose to our feet, never breaking our kiss. My hands slipped down to her waist and she released a soft moan as my fingers brushed against her skin where her T-shirt had risen. The kiss deepened and I’d never felt anything like it. I had no idea this was how it could feel when you were kissing somebody you cared deeply about. I didn’t want to stop but we had to come up for air eventually. We stood there, holding hands once more, breathless.
‘Well, that was unexpected,’ Lily said, ‘but my mum always saysthe unexpected things in life are often the best.’
I ran my thumb softly across her cheek and lightly brushed my lips against hers. ‘My nanna saysthe best things come to those who wait. That was definitely worth waiting for.’
‘For me too.’
I raised my eyebrows questioningly.
‘You weren’t the only one who wanted more than friendship,’ Lily said, smiling at me. ‘There was something about you that drew me in from the moment I saw you. You were standing right over there looking atHarry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.’ She pointed to the bookshelves on the other side of the room.
‘You remember which book it was?’
She nodded. ‘I remember everything about that day – just like you remembered my odd-coloured bobbles behind the sports hall. You were so careful not to damage the book and your eyes shone as you read the first page and I just knew you were a kindred spirit. After that, the first thing I did every time I came to the shop was look for you. We were too young back then to be thinking of more than friendship but, by my teens, something had changed and I knew I wanted to be with you so I kept trying and you kept pushing me away but it got harder and harder which was why I snapped when we were fifteen, demanding to know why you were so mean to me.’
I grimaced. ‘You really surprised me that day and this voice inside me was yellingtell her how you feel!But I just couldn’t do it.’
‘Protective walls?’ she asked.
I nodded. ‘You had the power to break my heart.’
‘You’d already broken mine.’
I cupped her face and drew her into another gentle kiss.
