Page 69 of Winter Nights at the Bay Bookshop
‘No.’
‘But you did mean it?’
‘Yes. I mean, I was young and…’ She shook her head. ‘Yes. Even though you didn’t even want to be my friend, teenage me kept hoping you’d change your mind.’
I cupped her chin and lightly kissed her. ‘Teenage me loved you too and regretted my Gilbert Blythe-styleCarrotsmoment every single day.’ She smiled at me and the smile widened as I added, ‘And I don’t think I ever stopped.’
Her eyes searched mine, unshed tears sparkling in them. ‘Neither did I.’ And next moment she was in my arms, her lips on mine, and being a little bit late for our meal didn’t matter.
35
LILY
I was on cloud nine all day Tuesday, floating around in a bubble of happiness, although I wished Lars was with me. It was his day off and it felt strange not having him around. I wouldn’t see him tonight either. As planned, Hendrix had arrived early yesterday morning to look after Dad and, although I’d nipped in to say ‘hello’ when I got home, I’d only managed ten minutes before I needed to get ready for my date with Lars. I’d promised to have a proper catch-up with my brother tonight. I could have arranged to see Lars afterwards but I didn’t want to seem like I was rushing Hendrix because I had other plans and, if I’d invited Lars to join us, the evening would have become all about my family getting to know Lars better. I saw my brother so rarely that I wanted to focus just on him for now so I’d have to wait until tomorrow to get my Lars fix.
When my lunch break arrived, I returned from the staff room in my coat and scarf and my heart leapt at the sight of Lars waiting for me. It transpired that he couldn’t bear to be away from me for that long either and had messaged Cassie to find out what time I’d be taking my break.
It was a chilly day, although not as bitter as it had been the previous week, and the wind had dropped so we took a right outside the shop and wandered round Castle Street in an anti-clockwise loop, peering in the shop windows. The traders had all now fully embraced Christmas and, with just over five weeks to go until the big day, I could feel the excitement of Christmas in the air.
We sat down in Castle Park – a small park with benches overlooking the sea at the end of Castle Street – and I snuggled up to Lars. Pointing to the Christmas tree, I told him about the special traders’ event in the park while the general public gathered around the main tree outside the shopping centre.
‘The lights switch-on is always the first Saturday of the month, so it’ll be a fortnight on Saturday on the 6th.’
‘Is it just for the business owners?’ he asked.
‘No. It’s for staff and their families too. It’s one of my favourite events and it feels like the magic of Christmas fully arrives at that point.’
Lars squeezed my shoulder. ‘You sounded a bit melancholy then. Everything all right?’
‘Did I? I didn’t mean to. It’s just…’ I sighed. ‘I told you about my two really crap Christmases but there’ve been other disappointing ones more recently which have taken their toll and knocked the sparkle out of Christmas for me, which is so frustrating when I love this time of year.’
He adjusted his position on the bench so he could see me better. ‘Tell me about the recent disappointments.’
It was a small thing but it really touched me that he cared enough to want to understand my melancholy when he could so easily have said something like,I’m sure Christmas will be great this year.Which would have been fine, but it wouldn’t have demonstrated the deep connection I’d felt between us since our first kiss.
‘Wes and I had four Christmases as a couple and never spent a single one together.’
Lars’s eyes widened. ‘Four Christmases apart? How come?’
‘The year we started dating, he’d already promised to spend Christmas with his family, so that was fair enough. The year after, there was a huge extended family holiday abroad to celebrate his grandma’s eightieth birthday. I was invited but I told Wes I couldn’t go with it being the busiest time of the year in the shop. That wasn’t strictly the truth. As a one-off, we could have covered my shifts, but I chose not to go because I got the impression he’d prefer me not to be there.You’ll probably be bored. There’ll be loads of people you don’t know. I haven’t seen some of them for years so I can’t wait to catch up.In other words, he didn’t want to babysit me. The following year he was in Dubai. He’d only been there for a few months and said it didn’t make sense to fly back so soon. Then last year he came back to the UK in October for Donna and Joey’s wedding so he skipped Christmas with me again, saying it was too soon to fly back for it.’
I shook my head, laughing. ‘I’m hearing me say that about Wes and wondering why I thought I was happy with someone who clearly didn’t want to spend much time with me.’
‘So why were you with him? Do you know?’
I mulled it over. ‘I met him when I was out for my thirtieth birthday. He was on a stag do and the groups ended up combining. He asked me out but I was on the rebound from Ewan so I said no. That would probably have been the end of it but Donna and Joey got together so Wes became part of our friendship group and I ran out of reasons to keep saying no. He was fun to be around and he was safe too because he swore that Whitsborough Bay was the only place in the world he’d ever want to settle.’
‘So you thought there was no chance of him disappearing on you like Ewan had?’
‘Exactly. Also, I’d hit thirty and all my friends seemed to be paired up and getting serious. Cassie and Jared had bought a house together and had two kids, Donna and Joey got engaged after six months or so and I think I got scared of being left behind. I thought I loved Wes but I’ve realised that what I really loved was the idea of who I wanted him to be. I wanted to believe the fantasy so I ignored all the signs that told me that he was all about the fun and not necessarily settling-down material, no matter how much he made out he was.’
‘Fear of being left behind has a lot to answer for. Everyone I worked with seemed to be paired off except me so I signed up to a dating app. The only person I dated was Cat and, like I said before, I knew we were wrong for each other from the start. Nanna talked me into it – told me I was too fussy by always trying to find the perfect match – but the thing is, I knew perfection existed because a high bar had already been set by a nine-year-old girl whose dad owned a bookshop.’
The tender look he gave me made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and, as we kissed, I sent a thank you up to the universe for helping us find a way back to each other.
Feeling the cold a little later, we set off back up Castle Street, pausing to admire the rest of the window displays. Winter had arrived at The Wedding Emporium with two bridal mannequins – one wearing a slinky ivory lace-covered dress with a fur-lined cape and the other in a midnight-blue gown which was so beautiful that it sent a tingle down my spine. It had a fitted bodice and full skirt under which there appeared to be several layers of net and it was covered in sparkling gold embellishments. I’d never have imagined choosing a colour like that for my wedding day but, just like the red dress I’d worn last night, I felt it calling to me and I couldn’t help but release a wistful sigh.
‘You like that one?’ Lars asked.
