Page 9 of Winter Nights at the Bay Bookshop
‘Why didn’t you or Mum say anything?’
‘You seemed happy and, as I said before, we liked them both so it wasn’t our place to plant doubts. I hope I haven’t upset you by saying anything now.’
‘Definitely not. I’m glad you brought it up. Lots to think about.’
‘You know where we are if you want to talk about it.’
‘Thanks, Dad.’
As I got ready for bed later that evening, I ran my fingers along the spines of myAnne of Green Gablescollection on my bookshelves in the lounge, thinking about the second concern Dad had raised. In the series, Anne and Gilbert had both been passionate about reading but for different reasons. Anne loved poetry and romantic novels which sparked her immense imagination and Gilbert had a hunger for learning with books stimulating his intellect and, yes, I did long for that connection and shared passion with my perfect partner. Which meant that both Ewan and Wes had been far from perfect for me.
So why had I been in long-term relationships with each of them? Why had I bought a house with Ewan? Why had I believed that I wanted to marry him and have his children? And why had I thought the same about Wes several years later? Neither of them had been my best friend and neither of them had shown any interest in my greatest passion.Aren’t you bored with reading yet? Why do you have so many copies of that Green Gables book? How can a book make you cry?
I raised my gaze to the framed Anne Shirley quote on the shelf above my collection; another gift from Cassie. ‘I love a book that makes me cry,’ I whispered. And at that moment, I made myself a promise. If I felt ready to let a man back into my life, there’d be no compromise. He had to be my Gilbert Blythe – a best friend with a passion for books – because I wasn’t going to waste any more tears over men who didn’t compare yet still managed to break my heart. From now on, only books were allowed to reduce me to tears.
The decision felt empowering but, as I settled under my duvet a little later, I realised it didn’t give me any answers. If Ewan and Wes had both been far from perfect for me, why had I stayed with them? I was going to have to do some serious soul searching.
6
LARS
I was usually a good sleeper but my first two nights without Nanna had been restless. I’d spent many nights in the house on my own while she went on holiday with Hilary and Geraldine but knowing she wouldn’t be back this time hit differently. The house was too quiet and the thoughts swirling round my head were too loud.
So far I’d managed to fill my days, but the evenings had been tough and the rest of the week stretched out ahead of me, woefully empty. I stirred my second coffee of the morning a little too aggressively, angry with myself for not pre-empting this and lining up a job to walk straight into. But what sort of job, and when would I have had time to search for one? As my business responsibilities eased off, any spare time had been swallowed by volunteering at the library, helping Nanna pack and what felt like a million decisions on the refurbishment of The Lodge. And the decisions still weren’t at an end as the builders had asked me to drop by after two this afternoon, which meant I had five hours to kill.
I took my drink into the lounge and picked up the latest novel in a Viking series I was loving, but I couldn’t focus on the story and gave up after reading the same page several times. I swapped it for a non-fiction book about Norse mythology but that was worse as I kept staring at the pictures, my thoughts drifting. I closed the book with a sigh.
‘Mum’s room it is,’ I muttered.
In the dining room, I opened a pack of cardboard boxes and taped up the base on six of them while I finished my coffee but, standing in the middle of Mum’s bedroom a little later, I felt like the walls were closing in on me. Today wasn’t the day for packing up Mum’s belongings. I needed to get out of the house instead. I’d go for a drive and maybe a walk somewhere.
My car needed fuel so I stopped off at the nearest petrol station. When I stepped out of the pay kiosk I was in a world of my own, trying to decide where to go for a walk, and almost collided with a blonde-haired woman coming in. I looked up to apologise and did a double-take at my ex-girlfriend, Catryn, who I hadn’t seen since our three-month relationship ended amicably two months ago.
‘Cat? What are you doing here?’
‘Why aren’t I at work, you mean?’ She gave me a mischievous wink. ‘I slept in.’
‘Danika didn’t wake you?’
Cat lived with her older sister and they both worked for their dad’s dental practice, Danika as the practice manager and Cat as a dental nurse.
‘I stayed at Miles’s house last night.’
‘No, Cat! Not Miles again.’
Miles had been Cat’s ex when I started seeing her. They’d had an on-off relationship for years which had ended, supposedly for good, after she moved in with him and caught him cheating on her. It was at that point she’d temporarily moved into her sister’s house.
‘You know he’s no good for you,’ I added.
‘I know, but that’s the appeal. If nice boys did it for me, you and I would still be together.’
I chose not to correct her on that. ‘Still at Danika’s?’
‘Yes, and still she’s nagging me about the mess and demanding to know when I’ll be moving out. Honestly, she’s such an old woman!’ Cat’s phone rang from her handbag and she rolled her eyes at me. ‘Speak of the devil! That’ll be her now, chasing me again. I’d better go. Lovely to see you again, Lars.’ She kissed me lightly on the cheek and dashed inside the kiosk.
I returned to my car and headed out of town, reflecting on Cat’s comment about us still being together ifnice boyshad been her thing. There was no chance of that. I’d known that Cat wasn’t right for me from our very first date, but Nanna’s voice was in my head. She’d caught me scrolling through the dating app I’d been on for months without actually going on any dates.
‘What’s wrong with her?’ she’d said, peering over my shoulder as I was reading Cat’s profile. ‘She’s stunning.’
