Page 10 of Barn Burner
Brayden
The next day, I sleep in until noon, and I’m mentally kicking myself as I roll out of bed and pad barefoot into the small kitchen area. I can’t believe I slept in so late. I’ve missed out on hours to explore this incredible place. But at the same time, I’m not surprised. It’s the first time I’ve felt relaxed in weeks. Sleep and I haven’t been friends since that fateful night. I’d get a couple of hours here and there, but I often found myself doomscrolling on my phone.
Reading the articles. Watching the video clips on social media. Reading the comments.
Hearing how much you suck from journalists is one thing, but reading it coming from the fans? It’s brutal. Zero stars. Do not recommend.
I ended up getting sucked into a vortex of negativity, and I kept dragging myself deeper and deeper, torturing myself because I didn’t know how else to deal with the disappointment that came with the biggest loss of my career. I’ve never had my heart broken by a lover, but I’ve had my heart broken twice by the sport I’ve loved more than life since I was a kid. My mumtried to console me and tried to get me to see the positives, but unless you’re living and breathing it, nobody really understands.
It’s not just a game. It’s the reason I eat the diet I do. The reason I train the way I do. It’s on my mind from the moment I wake up to my last thought at night.
It’s my purpose, and no matter how thick your skin is, nothing can prepare you for having others tear you apart over it.
But today is the day I’m going to put it behind me. There’s nothing I can do now. I can’t change the result, and I can’t change the way I played. The only thing I can do is draw a line in the sand and make sure I put in the work to prepare for the upcoming season.
Train hard. Work on my mental game. Be the best version of myself for my team and the people of Calgary.
I make a coffee and a slice of toast with the loaf of bread Sara, Jesse’s mum, brought over yesterday, then head into the bathroom. Flicking on the shower, I strip out of my boxers and step under the spray. There’s a small square window that looks out onto the rolling foothills. I’ve been at Huxley Creek Ranch for over twenty-four hours now, and I’m still not over how fucking stunning this place is. Imagine waking up to this every day? It’s surreal.
I end up standing there, letting the water cascade over me as I stare out of the window until the water starts to turn cool.
“Ah, shit,” I curse, shuddering as it turns cooler by the second. I quickly clean myself up and wash my hair before getting out and brushing my teeth.
Back in the bedroom, I pull on a loose-fit T-shirt and step into some running shorts. I try to make my hair look less unruly, then slip on some white socks and my well-loved Converse.
Picking up my phone from where I left it on charge, I head outside onto the small decking area. A few more texts came in from Jude yesterday and this morning, but aside from a quicktext letting him know I’m alright, I haven’t responded. I need to try and take a break from my phone. A digital detox, if you will. If I’m going to get myself out of this funk, then I need to cut off from the rest of the world and just be in the… outside. But I know he’ll worry if I don’t check in at least every few days.
So, with the view of the mountains behind me, I hold my phone up to take a picture in selfie mode. I can barely see the screen due to the bright sun, so I don’t know whether the shot is in focus, but I throw up the peace sign with my other hand and grin so wide my cheeks begin to ache.
Because how can I be sad when I can see this with my eyes? In real life?
Checking the photo isn’t a heap of shit, I send it to Jude, along with the message:
Proof of life. This place is like heaven. Is it weird to get hard over a landscape?
Despite the patchy signal, his text comes through almost instantly.
Jude
You’re fucking strange but I’m glad you’re okay. Have fun. Stay safe.
Heading back inside the wood-panelled lodge, I toss my phone on the countertop, then grab my sunglasses and a bottle of water from the fridge before making the walk down toward the barn and main house. It’s about a half a mile down an unmarked gravel road, flanked by two fields and an endless stretch of green grass, but I don’t mind it. When I reach the barn, I find Jesse roughly chopping up some carrots and apples, tossing them into two buckets.
“Hey,” I say with a smile.
He spares me a glance from beneath his brown hat, then grumbles, “How nice of you to join us.”
I laugh, scrunching my nose up slightly as I cringe. “I know. That bed was so comfortable. I probably could’ve spent all day in there if I had the company.”
He makes a choked noise, and the carrots land in the bucket with a loudthunk.
I’m unable to tear my eyes away from him as he finishes up with the carrots and apples, then starts peeling bananas and snapping them in half. His worn work shirt is stretched across his wide shoulders, showing the ripple of his muscles as he moves. The sleeves are rolled up to show off his strong forearms. Denim hugs his ass like a dream, but it’s the dusty black chaps that have my cock swelling.
Fuck me.
I twist the bottle of water in my hands, the urge to touch him becoming all too much. I clear my throat, my tongue suddenly feeling too big for my mouth.
“What have you been doing this morning?” I ask.
