Page 94 of Facing the Enemy
“Is she there now?”
“No, sir. She works Monday through Friday, seven to seven, except Wednesday and weekends. She’ll be here tomorrow morning.”
“I’ll be there.”
“Agent Patterson, I have a meeting in the morning and won’t be here until around ten. If you insist Myra be questioned here or at your office, no one will be available to answer the phone.”
“I’m sure you can make arrangements.”
“Guess I don’t have a choice.”
Ms. Wright huffed, but I ignored her subtle complaint and thanked her. “What do you remember about Elizabeth, the young woman you identified from the photo?”
“She made a few friends. A dear soul. She and Myra formed a bond during her stay with us. She stayed with us but for a few months of her pregnancy. A family member offered her a home.”
“Has she contacted you since?”
“No. Sometimes the birth mothers stop by for me to see their babies but not Elizabeth.”
“I see. Do you remember any of the women she befriended?”
“No, sir.”
“But she and Myra were close?”
“Yes. Extremely. Like mother and daughter.”
51
RISA
I’d asked the psychologist how I could forgive myself, God, and Trenton’s killer. “Too often I feel like I drove the car ending his life.”
“But that’s not how it happened.” Dr. Looney leaned in. “Risa, you didn’t ask your brother to push you out of the car’s path. He chose his actions.”
My head pounded with desperation for her to understand my emotions. “Haven’t you heard me explain what happened?” I’d shared with her my list of what I could have done differently to change the outcome. While I trembled, I longed to show professionalism.
“You said you’re a Christian.” Dr. Looney’s words wafted softly around the room. “You believe in a God who is omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent. Which of those three attributes do you possess?”
I stared into her kind face. “None.”
“Then why blame yourself for actions and behavior out of your control?”
I saw where she was leading me, but I couldn’t accept it. “I need to blame someone.”
“God?”
“Logic says holding Him responsible is wrong. But I’m angry that God let Trenton die.”
“Does judging yourself and God bring Trenton back? Are you taking over God’s role?” Dr. Looney’s voice lowered. “Accepting the choice Trenton made to save you shows how much he loved you. Accepting God’s plan to free Trenton from the chains of addiction doesn’t mean you aren’t to mourn his death or question why. Forgiving the driver of the car will give you peace.” She stopped. “Risa, let’s begin with your guilt. You are not responsible for Trenton’s death. Can you say those words?”
I hesitated. She was right, and the blame game didn’t come from God. I moistened my lips. “I am not responsible for Trenton’s death.”
“Good. Can you add this? I forgive myself for anything I could have done differently.”
I repeated those words.
Dr. Looney tilted her head. “I’m very proud of you. Let’s move a step further. Do you blame yourself for Special Agent Jack Bradford’s attack?”
