Page 26 of Nearly Roadkill
To:Jabbathehut
From:Toobe
Subj:Ah, I see
Gee, thanks. No, seriously, does this mean I can go anywhere?
To:Toobe
From:Jabbathehut
Subj:Indeed
Yes, but do Register anyway. You won’t be bothered again by cheap govt suits. They haven’t been thorough and refuse to see the inevitability of the mess soon to be on their hands.
So I’ve just handed out Jabba’s bypass codes like candy. Can’t believe how many people don’t want them, they’re worried about breaking the law. The majority of people actually said no. Scary. Everybody’s having Reg parties like it’s some goddamn gift they’ve been given, and not the equivalent of willingly signing up for all the junk mail you’ve ever received, and your neighbor’s too.
But the government’s working with Bizness on this one. People are all stirred up. Here’s a good one: If you don’t have a computer, the govt will give you one when you Register. Who could resist?
I got a hysterical note from a law freak who found Lexis (a deep law library). He’s racked up hundreds of dollars looking through tits and torts, and he claims he didn’t know he’d be charged for all that time. Poor doodehad to pay anyway. On top of that, the phone company charges BY THE MINUTE, which costs you ON TOP of the gateway fee.
I bet if I wait a bit, Jabba’s little toyz will look a lot better to these folks. But here’s another twist: When you fill out all the profile crap, you’ll start getting advertisements and product samples just for you! How exciting. This one friend of mine went on as a girl in the lesbian room (he’s a guy—they always figure him out, but he keeps trying), and he got tampon ads. His mail’s flooded with them. If he tries to stop them, they change to menopause stuff. Cracks me up. But if you Register right, you’ll get just what you “need.” It’s seductive.
Of course, I could be flooded with crap about computer toys and skateboard gear if I’m not careful. There’s hope: some people are figuring things out.
ZINE EXCERPT
PISSED OFF, NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE
Some of us have noticed that we’re not all getting the same information since Registering. Nothing obvious, just this or that product isn’t offered to everyone. I almost missed a concert because I wasn’t in the right demographic to receive the invitation. I went anyway. Next thing you know you won’t be allowed into a concert if you weren’t prescreened.
This all started cuz the businesses cooperated for once (I think a phone company’s behind it), and people are believing anything and panicking. They’re really freaked about missing out. There’s just enough differences in what Registered people get, and what you miss if you don’t Register. It’s like cable TV, people without it miss all the cool movies, so after a while everyone thinks they should have cable. Here’s what came out today:
REGISTRATIONWILLCURBCRIMINALACTIVITY
by Thomas Fulton
The Internet, and the so-called 500-channel television, have become out-of-control monsters. So said spokespersons for Allied Consumer Industries at a press conference yesterday. No one can find what they want on the Net anymore; consumers complain that they can’t buy the brands they want because they can’t find them; indeed, the choices are too many to justify the exhaustive hunt-and-peck a simple “shopping trip” has become.
Although the government’s Registration plan will ultimately make the process smoother, at present there are several million more users of a highly sophisticated information system with no clear way to navigate. Veteran users are skeptical that an interface can be created to accommodate the average computer user, but plans move forward to organize.
Add to this mix the goals of Internet Intelligence, and the need to organize the system becomes crucial.
“The criminal element has made inroads into most of the major electronic bulletin boards,” says Federal Bureau of Census and Statistics Undersecretary Margaret LaBouchere. “They are distributing illegal information, false advertising campaigns, and worst of all, porn, all over the Internet system.” Once everyone is Registered, says LaBouchere, only criminals will be unregistered. It will be virtually impossible to conduct illegal activity, “because all the users can be traced back to their Registration numbers.”
While it is doubtful all criminals will be forced offline, the effort so far is working and has met no real resistance. New Registrants agree their Net sessions are easier to manage. As consumers indicate their preferences, they are saved into a profile, so an algorithm based on the user’s demographics (age, sex, income, location, etc.) can find and offer points of interest.
What’s more, buying and browsing preferences are noted so that the range of services offered to them will grow narrower, thereby thinning out the traffic on the Internet.
Matching the consumer with his or her interest will become a quick and easy process for the new, streamlined, and technically savvy marketing departments of the private sector, with little interaction needed by the consumer at all, says ACI. Users will simply point and click to their interest icon, and the information will appear.
Yeah, right. But if you want to go outside the lines, you have to wait forever. So most people just stick with what they’ve got and don’t explore. Which I think is the point. Old Net users are furious, the ones who started it some time in the ’70s, when it was an exclusive Pentagon and MIT system. But they seem to agree that at least the traffic won’t be as bad in the areas they’re in, cuz nobody knows how to get there.
Oh, got some email this morning. Scratch thinks too much.
To:Toobe
From:Scratch
