Page 52 of Nearly Roadkill
Please enter your name in the highlighted spaces.
Budge manages to land his mouse in the little glowing box, where he enters his name.
Thank you, now enter your age.
Grumbling, Budge enters 43.
What is your sex?
(M) or (F)
Budge laughs ruefully, trying to think back to the last time he got laid. He types “None,” receiving a disapproving beep.
Very funny.
What is your sex?
(M) or (F)
Budge laughs again, peers over his shoulder to make sure no one is looking, and types “Hopefully.”
Very funny.
What is your sex?
(M) or (F)
“Screw this,” he mutters under his breath, positioning his mouse to move on.
I’m sorry. Your sign-up sequence will fail to complete unless you fill out the form.
“What the hell do you need to know all this for, anyway?” says Budge aloud as he tries to maneuver his mouse to get the cursor back into the “Sex” box. Just as he lands in place, though, a roach peeks its armored head over the edge of the sleek, new dove-gray monitor.
His left hand moves slowly toward the roach, while his right hand fills in the sign-up motions indiscriminately. Left hand and right hand continue crazily until the dialogue box opens on his screen.
You have completed the sign-up process.
To use your new account right away, please click OK.
Budge’s index finger clicks OK at the same time his left hand crashes down, missing the roach by less than an inch.
“Dammit!”
Thank you, Ms. Budge, and welcome to your Online World.
Would you like to take the guided tour?
“Huh?”
The message repeats itself.
“Ms. Budge?” Sure enough, when he clicks his profile, “Female” is entered firmly in the “Sex” box.
“Damned roach,” he mutters, and makes to change the designation.
I’m sorry, Ms. Budge, you may not change any information in your master account. Would you like to set up a secondary account?
“Huh?”
