Page 18 of Confessions of a Virgin on a Dating App
I had made it back just in time for them to enter the boss’s lair, where we all assumed the halfling was being imprisoned.
“But to make it through the door,” Devin proclaimed in an exaggerated, malevolent voice, “you must solve the riddle that lines the sealed-off entrance.”
“Okay,” Cassidy remarked, studying her character sheet. “What language is it in?”
“Roll to investigate.”
There was a hard plasticthunkas the die clattered onto the table. “Seventeen.”
“Well, the good news is, you passed,” Devin grinned. “Bad news is, it isn’t a language that you understand. But you’re pretty sure it’s written in Underling.”
“Uh,” Aaron frowned, looking down at his character sheet. “I can’t read that language either.”
“None of you can.” Devon raised an eyebrow. “But using your collective knowledge of the Underworld and their alphabet, I bet you can all work together to decipher this.”
Oh boy.I smiled and shook my head.Here comes another of Devin’s inane riddles.
Devin pulled a sheet of paper from behind his Crypt Master screen and placed it in the middle of the table. On it was a short sentence written in a scratchy alphabet, similar to Nordic runes.
“For every successful arcane check you make, I’ll tell you what one of the letters means,” Devin announced, clapping his hands together. “Now, begin!”
While the other players huddled together, rolling a cacophony of dice while studying their character sheets, I stared intently at the riddle.
A twisted grin crept across my face. I recognized those symbols.
“It says, ‘Observe the Observer’s lair’.”
Everyone immediately stopped talking and swiveled their head in my direction. Devin’s mouth hung open, his snakebite piercings jutting from his lower lip.
“H-how did you know that?!” he stammered.
“It’s a popular fantasy font calledDragonmark.”
“Once again,” Devin repeated, his face even more bewildered, “how did you know that?”
“I’ve used it for work.”
“Work?”
“Yeah. I work for a publishing company, dude. I’m the master of fonts.”
Devin was speechless. He took a few moments to blink his way out of his disbelief, looking utterly defeated since his riddle was ruined.
“And anObserver, Devin?!” I continued. “We’re leveleight! Are you trying to get us all killed?”
He slumped behind his Crypt Master screen, his face buried in his fists. At first, regret burned through my stomach like acid.I may have taken it too far…
But as Devin began to shake, I realized he wasn’t upset. He was laughing. He raised his head, cackling like a hyena as he slapped a palm on the table. Suddenly, everyone at the table, even the preteen boys, was full of giggles. It was a scene that bordered on near hysterics, everyone’s faces red and eyes watering by the time we regained composure.
“Goddamnit, Avery,” Devin wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. “Always the master at foiling my plans. And you know what?” His eyes narrowed. “I’m going to say that Sorcha spoke that aloud. Roll initiative.”
I gulped.
“You’re seriously having us face an Observer right now?”
Devin winked. “Better roll high.”
My die fumbled onto the countertop, displaying a disappointing number five.
