Page 33 of Confessions of a Virgin on a Dating App
It felt amazing. It was the most amazing thing I’d ever experienced in my entire life.
Tristan sat up, positioning himself between my legs. As he fumbled with a condom, I took a moment to admire him. He was bigger than Tyler, and a lot girthier. I knew girls normally preferred them larger, but it only made me more nervous.
If Tyler’s couldn’t fit, how could his?
“It’s okay,” Tristan whispered in a soothing tone, pressing my body against the soft comforter. “Deep breaths. I’ll go slow.”
He steadied his hands on my thighs, slowly pulling his hips closer to mine.
It was time.
I’m not afraid.
I refused to be afraid.
I refus—
I screamed. As soon as Tristan realized it wasn’t one of pleasure, he scrambled backward as if I’d just kicked him in the genitals.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, his face twisted in bewilderment.
I paused to catch my breath, forcing the tension out of my legs as my thigh muscles softened. “Sorry, sorry. I panicked. Can we try again?”
Tristan nodded. He crawled back into bed, reassuring me with a few hungry kisses placed on my collarbone and breasts.It felt so good.Hefelt so good.
I wanted this more than anything. Why did my body always act otherwise?
As Tristan entered me, he placed his hands on my vulva, attempting to spread my lips to make more room. This resulted in another scream, as pain burned through my vagina like it was on fire.
Tristan fumbled backward, now more concerned than confused. This was no longer just anxiety from being a virgin. He knew something was wrong.
“It’s that painful?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.
I nodded, tears threatening to spill from my eyes as my breath caught in my throat. “I’m so sorry…I thought this time it wouldn’t hurt as much, and…”
“Wait. This isn’t your first time?”
My mouth snapped shut. I realized that by not telling Tristan the whole truth, I’d made him think I’d never been with a guy before.
“My ex, back in college. We tried a few times.”
“And it was always this painful?”
I nodded. My limbs began to shake.
His brows narrowed. “And you didn’t think to tell me this beforehand?”
It was as if a bomb had gone off in my stomach. I sat upright, my mouth hanging open but unable to utter a single word.
I was an idiot. It had never occurred to me that concealing my issues would make him upset. Maybe this wasn’t just about sex. It was about honesty. Trust. Hiding the truth from someone I was forming a relationship with wasn’t my best idea.
Even when it was the most painful truth of my life.
Tristan sighed. “Look, I’m sorry. I get it. I imagine that’s tough to talk about. It’s just…I sort of feel betrayed. If we’re going to be in a relationship, I need you to trust me enough to tell me these things.”
“But is it a dealbreaker?”
“What?”
