Page 39 of Confessions of a Virgin on a Dating App
“Coward.”
“Focus on your own character,you imp.”
Cameron huffed as he plopped his Infernal miniature into the center of the map. Everyone wore tense expressions on their faces, their eyes glued to the map as they wracked their brains for a strategy. My nostrils flared. Strategy only mattered so much. Ultimately, it was simple: kill or be killed.
“Alright, once again, you have one hour,” Devin announced. He tapped a button on his computer, and a timer appeared on the television behind us. “You may begin!”
My heart soared as my die clattered across the table, displaying a triumphant number 18. But unfortunately, Cameron rolled a 21, which meant I was second in the turn order.
And he decided his first target was me. But he started with a low-level spell, dealing a mere 8 damage with aPoison Splash. I huffed. Like the rest of us, he was saving his big spells for the end, but being the first one to take damage made my stomach clench.
But on my turn, I knew better than to play into the taunt. I castHoly Weapon, plopping a spectral sword right next to Cameron while he was still thirty feet away from me. I grinned. He was now locked in combat with the floating weapon, which meant he was unlikely to come after me. In addition, I could make an immediate attack with it, and I slashed the Infernal for 9 damage. Across the table, I saw Cameron’s teeth clench.
We continued around the board. On Cameron’s next turn, he managed to deal 10 damage to me with a ranged spell, but on my turn, he took another 7 damage from the sword. I also used my turn to re-castGuardian Fighters. It caused my spectral weapon to dissipate as I broke concentration, but it would set up my defenses against the other two players on the board.
Josh was a fighter and Robbie was a druid, making them formidable opponents with high health and damage capacity. But Josh didn’t have many ranged attacks and couldn’t breach my defenses, and Robbie chose to go for the low-hanging fruit and attack Cameron. Now cornered by Robbie’s dire wolf, Cameron’s hit points were draining fast.
But during that time, Cameron also hit me with aFire Sphere. I succeeded on my saving throw, but still took a whopping 14 damage. I panicked, spending the next turn shrouded in the ruins, healing myself while everyone else engaged in a bloody brawl.
Josh was knocked out at the thirty-minute mark. Cameron used his last third-level spell slot to hurl anotherFire Sphere, and Josh wasn’t so lucky with his saving throw. I gulped. Cameron was still blocked by Robbie’s druid, although Robbie was now out of nature-shapes and forced to fight in his elf form.
My eyes flicked frantically between the board and my character sheet. I had to incentivize Cameron to knock Robbie out first. Robbie was more vulnerable, but he also had more hit points, while Cameron was struggling to stay alive. He’d taken a lot of damage, and since he’d already downed the one health potion we were allotted per game, I knew he was only one or two hits away from being knocked out.
It was my turn. Cameron and Robbie’s characters were about thirty feet away, still locked in combat and unable to disengage without using up an action. I had one third-level spell slot left, and I had to use it wisely.
My fingers traced over myPlayer’s Guide, pausing just below a spell that readStriking Bolt.
I knew how I was going to win.
“Alright,” I announced after a few moments of silence. Cameron and Robbie had their gazes locked on me,anticipation dancing in their eyes like fire. “I’m going to castStriking Boltas a third-level spell, targeting Robbie.”
They both gave a nervous nod, unsure where I was going with this.
“I make a ranged spell attack…” My die clattered out of my palm and onto the table.
17. Perfect.
Druids didn’t wear metal armor, so it was an easy hit. Robbie didn’t seem too concerned, until I revealed that he would be taking a whopping 22 damage. He reeled backward, a palm over his forehead, as if I’d just stuck him in the chest with a real spell and not an imaginary one.
A wicked grin crept across my face at his reaction.
“I’m dead.” Robbie huffed in defeat.
A raucous mixture of applause and jeers echoed through the crowd. Many of the players knocked out in the first round had left, but we still had a handful of onlookers eager to watch the final round. My eyes flicked up to Devin, who was on the opposite side of the table. He was silent, his arms folded across the front of his black sweatshirt, but his pierced lips held the same smug smile that mine did.
“Uh, alright.” Cameron looked visibly uncomfortable. “Well for my turn, I—”
“I’m not done.”
Everyone’s heads swiveled in my direction. I raised my eyebrows at Cameron.
Let’s end this.
“The thing is, I can castHoly Weaponas a bonus action,” I remarked, my fingers trailing my character sheet. “So I will choose to re-cast it, and when I do, I can make an immediate attack with it.”
All emotion drained from Cameron’s face.
I rolled a d20, and an explosion of jeers echoed from the crowd as I rolled a measly 8. Cameron sneered, a nasty grin across his face.
