Page 46 of Confessions of a Virgin on a Dating App
“You’re one to talk,” she hissed.
“What?”
“Don’t pretend like you don’t know. We’ve all seen you two flirting at the shop every weekend foryears. AndI’mthe cowardly one?”
My stomach dropped.No. Please don’t bring him up.
“I’m not interested in him,” I replied flatly.
“Bullshit.”
“What do you mean bullshit? We’re always bickering!”
“Yeah, like an old married couple. I’ve seen the way you two stare at each other when you think no one is looking. He spent almost the entire PvP event at your table, watchingyou. He’s completely in love with you.”
“He isnot!” I scream, hot tears threatening to burn my cheeks once again. “Besides, even if he was interested in me, I’m not interested in him. He’s a smug, cocky asshole and way too old for me.”
Cassidy glowered at me, clearly not believing a word out of my mouth. I could feel the blood pounding in my temples as my hands balled up into fists. I couldn’t do this right now. Not after the night I’d had.
“Forget it,” I scowled, marching toward my front door. “We’re not discussing my love life if you refuse to discuss yours.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
I slammed my door so loud the hinges rattled and flopped face-first onto my bed. Once I was certain Cassidy couldn’t hear me, I wrapped my arms around a pillow and buried my face in it to keep from sobbing.
Thirty minutes ago, Devin and I were nearly tearing each other’s clothes off in the storage room. And now I’d just called him an asshole, pretending that none of it ever happened.
I truly was a monster, and Devin deserved better. He’d poured his heart out to me, and I stomped all over it without so much as an explanation. I needed to figure out my sexual issues before I could ever be with someone, and that meant unpacking decades of trauma. It could takeyearsfor me to figure all this out and be ready for a relationship.
No more online dating.
No more dating, period.
I was done.
Chapter 13
The rest of the week was an absolute slog.
Back when I was still fretting about Tristan, I’d been distracted, barely able to focus on my manuscripts without him drifting into my mind. But now, I threw myself into my work, immersing my brain in covers and typesets, completing projects in record time.
It kept me distracted. Because as soon as I clocked out every evening at 5 p.m., I had to face the fact that I was alone in a silent bedroom, with only the lazy whorls of the ceiling fan for company. And that’s when it all came back to haunt me.
The worst of it was when I went to bed. Lying wide-eyed in the darkness, I still felt Devin’s hands pressed against my back. I remembered his lips on my neck, his hips pressed against mine, and the way he breathed my name in my ear. It was so intoxicating, so euphoric, but those thoughts always left me a sobbing mess. I needed him, desperately, but our tryst was doomed to never happen again.
I wondered if he was still upset. If he hated me. If he also spent his nights lying alone in bed, paralyzed by his thoughts. Or maybe he was over it, and he’d forgotten about that night completely. Maybe he’d already tossed me out of his mind, while mine was still consumed with thoughts of him.
Five years. Five long, oblivious years, where I’d never thought of Devin as anything more than a snarky, annoying older brother figure.
How did my mind flip so quickly?
But I knew it hadn’t. My feelings had been lurking beneath the surface for years, veiled with banter and snarky comments that now meant so much to me.
No matter who I met on my dating app, no matter how hard I fell for them, they would never compare.
It was always Devin.
