Page 54 of Confessions of a Virgin on a Dating App
The nurse led me into a small, tiled room that smelled sickeningly of disinfectant and latex gloves. Another nurse, one wearing a surgical mask, awaited me at one of those extra-wide benches with large armrests. It was the samevomit green as the seats outside, and I knew exactly what it was for.
“Alright,” she settled me into the oversized chair as she fiddled with her syringes. I was painfully aware of every heartbeat as they pounded like a gong in my chest.
Devin knelt next to me, once again offering his hand. This time I took it, squeezing tight as the nurse wrapped a tourniquet around my other arm. I winced. The tight rubber was almost as painful as the injection itself.
“Ready?”
I took a deep breath. I felt like I was on a rollercoaster at Disney World, about to take the big plunge.
My whole body jolted as the needle breached my skin. I hated the burning sensation it created, like acid being injected into my veins. I could feel my other hand, the one currently locked with Devin’s, grow damp and clammy with nervous sweat. I was embarassed, but Devin only squeezed my hand tighter. The pressure was reassuring, like a weighted blanket.
I knew I needed to think of something soothing to get through this. So I let my mind flip back to that night, feeling Devin’s lips pressed against mine and his arms gripping my back. I imagined myself embracing him, engulfed by him, like nothing else in the world mattered… and the nerves in my stomach settled.
“There,” the nurse announced as she taped a cotton ball to my arm. “All done. Now, grab your things and I’ll escort you to a room.”
I locked eyes with Devin as I stood up, my arm still sore and stiff from the blood draw.
“You really don’t have to stay,” I insisted.
Devin chewed his bottom lip, his soft, gentle eyes locked on mine. “I know you’re scared, and I don’t want to leave you in a hospital all alone. The shop is fine, really. It’s onlytwo miles up the street, and Jordan can text me if he needs anything.”
I swallowed hard as tears pooled in my eyes. Devin was no longer just a concerned friend. His insistence on staying, his desire to comfort me when I was scared, was his affection welling to the surface.
“Okay.” I took his hand and pulled him upright. He placed a hand on my shoulder as we walked into the main ward of the hospital. It was then I realized how much comfort his presence truly brought me. I was a stubborn person, and I would brave the hospital alone if I had to. But there was no denying that I would be terrified.
I felt guilty for keeping him from the game shop.
But I also felt incredibly grateful.
“Hey Devin?” I asked as we walked down the eerily bright hallway.
“Yes?”
I smiled. A true, genuine, warm smile. “Thank you. For everything.”
He smiled back. His eyes burned with affection, the same way they had last week.
“For you, always.”
Chapter 15
After a few hours of sitting in a stiff bed in a curtained off-room, I was itching to leave. The hospital was starting to feel like a prison.
I was exhausted yet restless at the same time - the thin, scratchy blankets offering little warmth or comfort. But I was still more comfortable than Devin, who was hunched over in a plastic chair next to my hospital bed. He spent most of the time scrolling his phone, as there wasn’t much else to do between tests, but he always kept one hand locked with mine. I laced my fingers through his, feeling the cold metal of his rings pressing against my skin.
I ached to tell him the truth. In one night, he’d carried my unconscious self into the break room, driven me to the hospital despite my protests, and stayed with me in said hospital for hours. On the surface, it was because he was a kind-hearted person, and I was a friend in need of aid. But I knew it went so much deeper than that. Because he wouldn’t be gripping my hand in his, rubbing his thumb along my knuckles, if I was merely a friend to him.
He noticed me staring at him and looked up from his phone. He smiled. It was the same warm, reassuring smile he’d given me all night, and it made me both overjoyed and sick with guilt.
I’d already had multiple tests done. The CT scan was easy, but when it came time for the ultrasound and I realized exactly where that long, thin wand was supposed to go, I panicked. I hated explaining to doctors that vaginal exams were too painful for me to undergo. Thankfully this doctor wasn’t pushy, and he offered an abdominal ultrasound instead.
But that came with limits, he had explained. Without a full internal ultrasound or pelvic exam, they couldn’t guarantee a good look at my reproductive organs. They could miss something that would normally lead to a diagnosis.
Which was why when the doctor finally made it into the room and told me all findings were normal, I nearly cried out in frustration. Even though I’d protested going to the hospital, once we were there, I was desperate for a diagnosis. I wanted there to be something wrong so that they could fix it.
No findings meant that I was stuck without answers.
Maybe my period pain really is just me being dramatic.
