Page 89 of Confessions of a Virgin on a Dating App
My chest fluttered with anticipation. “What is it?”
“I love you, Avie.”
The world seemed to slow down after that, as those four words bounced around my skull like a pinball machine while I tried to process them. Shock was quickly replaced by joy, which then turned into the strongest feeling of adoration I’d ever had for anyone.
“I love you too, Dev.”
There was no hesitation. I didn’t need time to think it over. On the surface, it seemed insane to love someone after only two weeks of dating. But Dev and I went back way longer than that. I’d known him nearly my entire adult life. From our first kiss in the game shop, I knew he was the one. And even though I ran away, holding an unbearable secret that I feared would keep us apart, Devin still fought for me. His insistence on me going to the hospital was what got me my diagnosis. He comforted me when I was sick. He made me laugh when I got scared about my upcoming surgery.
But most importantly, he accepted me completely and wholly as I was. There was no act, no best-version-of-themselves façade that people often wore when they first started dating. After all, we’d made the decision to be together while I was lying in a hospital bed. He’d already seen me at my worst.
Our relationship could only get better from here.
I could feel Devin’s hands shaking as he kissed me, wrapping his arms around my back and squeezing melike I was his whole world. I kissed him back, passionately, ferociously, and I would’ve gladly climbed back on top of him for round two if it weren’t already almost 6 a.m.
“I have to go.” The words hung ugly but true in the warm air as I pulled away from our embrace.
“Five more minutes,” Devin pleaded like a sappy-eyed child, his arms still wrapped firmly around my back.
“Fine,” I chuckled, settling back against his chest. He resumed stroking my curly hair, which I noticed was one of his favorite features of mine.
I wanted them to be the longest five minutes of my life. But I knew they’d pass in an instant.
There would be plenty of time for these moments later.
I just had to get through my surgery first.
Chapter 21
My heart thumped in my chest for the entire hour-and-a-half drive to Lakeland. But once we approached the shiny, menacing hospital building, it was at a full-on gallop like a racehorse.
I had to admit, the inside was pretty. With its huge skylights, cavernous ceilings, and variety of artwork and potted plants, it almost felt like a hotel. At least, it did if I could ignore the weary-eyed patients slumped on benches with IV bandages strapped around their elbows.
Despite being almost twenty-seven years old, I hovered close to my mother for comfort. I realized that much like getting on a rollercoaster for the first time, it was the fact that I’d never had surgery before that made me so scared. Because the worst type of fear was the fear of the unknown.
Check-in was quick, and the holdup in the waiting room was brief. Only one person was allowed in the pre-operative area, so my mother came with me while my father stayed in the waiting room. The first thing thenurses had me do was change out of my comfy clothes and into a scratchy hospital gown that felt like it was made from paper towels. Once that was complete, they had me climb into a hospital bed, which felt much like climbing into a jail cell.
I knew what came next. Just like at the ER, they had to give me an IV.
But this time, having the tube inserted was no big deal. Maybe it was because I’d just had one two weeks earlier. Or maybe my fear of impending anesthesia overshadowed my fear of needles.
My anxiety was somewhat alleviated when my anesthesiologist popped in to say hello. He was a thin, balding, cheery middle-aged man. Almost too cheery for being in a hospital. In fact, I noticed most of the staff were that way - chatting and joking with each other while they worked. To them, it was just another day at the office.
The anesthesiologist explained the basics of how the anesthesia worked, but he also heavily emphasized that it would put me right to sleep and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I wondered if he noticed the fear and anxiety written all over my face, because he gave the back of my hospital bed a reassuring pat and said he’d done thousands of procedures without any issues.
After he left, there was more waiting, which I hated. I’d brought my Kindle for situations like this, but as I attempted to engross myself in my latest fantasy novel, my anxiety made the words seem to melt off the page. It took a tremendous amount of willpower and eyestrain to keep my attention on the novel and not on my surgery. Even with a book to distract me, my hammering heartbeat never slowed.
“Alright, you ready?” The plastic scratching sound of curtains opening made my gaze shoot up from my Kindle.
My breaths sped up, nearly matching my racing heartbeat.
Oh no.
It’s time.
The nurse had a warm, friendly voice, but the fact that she and the two other nurses behind her had their faces shielded by surgical masks made me even more antsy.
“I love you.” My mom reached out and squeezed my hand. I could tell she was anxious too, even if she was desperately trying to hide it. “It’ll all go by in a flash. They’ll put you right to sleep.”
