Page 23 of Ruin Me Knot
I press my lips together and clench my molars with enough force to crack. It’s not natural what they did. When I’d finished my heat and they’d taken my blood, it had taken the full three weeks to start to recover enough for the next one. And the next. A feral sort of laugh rises, but I bite down harder and force it back.
"None of this was your fault." Ronan’s voice scrapes across my skin, quiet but rough as gravel.
Tension coils through me, nails carving sharp crescents into my palms. My eyes squeeze shut. If I’d never presented as Omega, there’d be no cages. No cold rooms. No endless torture. I’d have lived oblivious, untouched by the rot hidden in people’s hearts.
My parents might still be alive if they hadn’t been driving to Haven to visit me when the accident happened.
The day my designation came in, my world flipped wrong-side out and everything circles back to what I am. If there’s anyone to blame, I’m the common denominator.
Ronan’s grip settles at the back of my neck. "What happened to you wasn’t your fault."
My mind snaps back to Haven’s basement. Hugo or Lars barking orders and doling out punishment when I didn’t move fast enough. I learned which direction to move, which words to say. Agree with the predator. Easier that way. Less pain. "Yes, Alpha."
His grip tightens as he brings his forehead to mine, the heat of his breath crowding in. I try to shrink but can’t move, trapped in the crossfire of his gaze. His Alpha growl vibrates through my skin. "I’m not lying to you, Omega."
I want to say yes, to signal compliance, to make this go easy, but what comes out is a thin, broken whine.
Ronan presses on, his voice iron-sharp. "This. Isn’t. Your. Fault."
My body braces. My mouth moves, automatic as breathing. "Yes, Alpha." The words rasp out, empty, instinct over thought.
His dark gaze drills into me, seeing parts of me I want to keep hidden. "You don’t believe me."
Something buckles inside me, hollow and sick. I freeze, breath caught.
Ronan’s nostrils flare, his scent thickening in the air. It wraps around me, seeps into my bones, arouses greed for something I refuse to name. "My scent doesn’t lie, Omega. If you can’t trust my words, then trust what your instincts tell you about me."
He tips his head back and bares his neck. An invisible cord tugs me toward the scent that’s seeping through every pore in my body. I press my hands to his chest, feel his heart thumping hard under my palms and slowly, slowly, I sink against him until the tip of my nose grazes his scent gland. Pine after rain, loam and storm, unbroken things, wild and honest, punch into me. Underneath is something sharp and fierce but not pointed at me. Never at me. My bones want to melt.
Truth.
He’s telling me thetruth.
A shudder rocks through me. My thighs clamp together, every inch of me burning with longing and shame as slick gushes from me. He’s right. His scent doesn’t lie, and now it’s welded to something deep and dangerous inside me and too late, too late, I recognize this as another tether.
I’m ripped in half. My Omega side, the part of me that’s damaged and aching for the gentle touch and understanding she’s always yearned for reaches for this Alpha who calls to her soul. Meanwhile, my other half recoils in horror and disbelief.
A broken whimper escapes me. Gabriel takes it as his cue to wrap gentle, warm fingers around my ankles and place my feet in his lap, his scent bleeding with honesty. "It’s not just Ronan’s scent that will tell you what you should know, Sweetheart. Every part of me wants you too."
"Omega." A plead and promise tears from Jax’s throat. My gaze snaps to the big Alpha, taking in the yearning on his face. The hurt. The anger. His dark eyes gleam with a thousand apologies and the promise of retribution. Sugared silk billows around me, sharp with fresh cut grass, as he falls to his knees and freely offers me things I know I should be able to take.
But the barrier inside me is a mile thick.
Delectable Alpha notes wind around me, seeping into my soft center. Each inhale thickens the bond between us. I need to surrender. My head fills with aching recognition, some broken, instinctual knowledge taking root in the empty spaces within.
The wanting shreds me. I crave the press of their bodies, the promise in their hands, the peace their voices offer, but the chasm inside me is hard-edged and cold. Every shuddering inch of me leans close to the precipice, desperate to fall in, but I lock my jaw and snatch the feeling back. Can’t. Can’t let go, can’t reach across that last inch.
Inside I’m nothing but broken parts, paper-thin scraps fluttering in a wind I can’t stop. My wants have teeth, chewing through scar tissue but they can’t pullanything whole from me. I ache so bad my chest shakes with the effort to not fling myself at them. I can’t make the choice. I don’t have the edges or the center. Just jagged little pieces wearing the shape of a girl.
Heat creeps in again. A deep ache rolls through my belly, sticky and hot, tightening low between my hips. My breath skips, shallow and sharp. Sweat beads on my forehead, my thighs slide slick. The urge to press myself into them collides with frigid terror, but I have to make a choice because I’m out of time.
A tremor ripples through Ronan, his restraint pulled so tight his fingers vibrate where they’re curled around my nape. He presses his mouth to my temple with a kiss so gentle it twists something deep inside me. His breath is hot in my hair. "You’re in pain and I can’t stand by and watch you hurt like this. Let us help you. Please."
His words get under my skin; scrape against every warning I’ve ever had. My body aches, trapped between defiance and longing. Part of me screams to get away, to hold myself rigid, to never let anyone in again. If there’s one thing I know how to do its ride out an agonizing heat without relief. But the other part of me is starving for closeness, for the promise of comfort that isn’t poisoned. My head spins with anger, panic, yearning, all jumbled until there isn’t any air left to breathe.
I drag in a slow breath, testing their scents as they wrap around me, finding warmth. Fierce, honest need and devotion wound so tight it hurts. I sense nothing but truth and a hunger to protect. He isn’t lying. None of them are. There’s no resisting this type of temptation and I’m falling, falling, falling.
There’s no safety net.
