Page 39 of Ruin Me Knot
Iwake tangled in warmth so soft it could be a dream. I’m snug in layers of towels, throw rugs, cushions, bathed in gentle sunlight. For a wild moment I think I must be floating in a cloud. But clouds don’t breathe slow and steady beneath you. Clouds don’t radiate comfort, or pulse with smoked melted sugar and fresh-cut grass that clings to my skin. Clouds don’t have solid muscle circling my waist.
I jolt fully awake and find Jax beneath me. His arm is heavy around my waist, and I’m sprawled naked on top of his body. His unblinking gaze locks on me. Intense. Too much and not enough but I’m greedyfor more.
He feels so right in my nest, but…that can’t be possible. A mental slap jolts me out of softness. My heart kicks. I jerk away, flinging from his grasp, knees knocking cushions to the floor. Blankets tangle and drag at my legs as I scuttle across the couch, sinking into the deepest corner.
Memory unspools through my haze. The feverish comfort of building a nest that really isn't one at all, just a pile of towels on a couch. The hush of three Alphas watching me as though there was nothing else in the world that could hold their focus. Then the urge to let Jax in. To want, to choose, to allow. I gave into the instinctual tug in my belly, and my Omega purred when he lowered himself into my nest. And then…
And then…
I snatch a pillow, hold my pathetic armor to my chest and fight the urge to rebuild what I scattered. Cold creeps over my skin where his body was a second ago and I want to lay back over him, fill my nose with his scent and my pussy with his cock. The same cock that’s tenting the front of his sweats, obscenely huge and… oh Gods.
Oh God’s, my mouth is starting to water because I did have a cock in my mouth. My first blowjob. Gabriel’s flavor ghosts my tongue, and I raise a shaky hand to my lips.
I want that warmth again. No, I want to run. My body throbs at the distance and I ache to close it. Jax rises, his chest on full display, abdomen muscles popping. I want to lick a path down his chest to that part of him I’m trying so hard not to stare at. I want to suck. Feast. Fill my mouth with his flavor so I don’t know where he ends and I start, but I clench the cushion in a death grip and huddle in the corner as though my life depends on it because it does.It does.
"Leah. Please don’t be afraid." His voice is a deep, velvet rumble that strokes me in all the right ways. I could stretch out and languish in that sound. A delicious thrill races through me, dangerous and tempting. That. Voice. Dangerous. So fucking dangerous.
"I’m not afraid of you." My voice is nothing but a squeak. And a lie because I’mterrified.
Afraid that these Alphas are worming their way into parts of me I’m not ready to give. They're seeping into every pore, breaking down walls that I built one painful brick at a time. And suddenly everything is too cloying, too close. The room is too open, and my safe place is nothing but a couch because I’m too scared to use the proper nesting room, and now an Alpha is seeping under my skin, becoming part of me, making me want things I should never have and…
"It’s all right, Omega. I’ll get out." Jax unfolds his massive body off the couch. His scent wafts over me. I try to stifle a full body shiver, but I can’t because it feels too good. Then he’s walking backwards, taking that scent with him and I whine. I fuckingwhinebecause I need that comfort too. I need it and I don’t want it, and then he stops and the tension in my chest eases enough to let me breathe.
I cling to the cushion, fingers digging into the stuffing hard enough to split the silk. "What are you doing to me?"
Jax squats, and I’m mesmerized by the interplay of muscles on display. His full lips lift in a way I don’t expect, light sparking in his dark eyes. "Hopefully the right thing."
The way I ache for them can only mean one thing. I scramble a hand up to my neck, searching for bonding marks, while my mind was fogged, but there’s nothing. The skin is intact, and I stifle the whine that crawls up my throat because a large part of me wants to wear their bites.
I’m also in a beautifully soft, thick robe. My skin is clean, scrubbed free of sweat and slick. They must have dressed me, washed me, made sure I was comfortable. I clutch the robe at my collar, knuckles white, eyes flicking up to Jax and wonderwhy.
"This is what scent-matched Alphas do, Leah. It’s how it’s supposed to be. You feel that pull, that longing, even if it scares you. There’s nothing wrong about it. Nothing to be afraid of. It’s natural to want safety and closeness when the bond is real," Jax says.
I squeeze the pillow tighter, voice bitter as it cracks out. "But I don’t know you. Any of you."
His lips press together before he speaks. "You don’t know us yet, but scent-matches operate on another level. A soul level. We’ll learn everything about each other as we go, but that extra-level awareness you have of us is real. We feel you that same way that you feel us. If you don’t trust us yet, then trust yourself to feel this truth."
Ronan said the same thing last night, and I remember the certainty, that quiet vow. I test the air, inhaling Jax. His essence is clean, untouched by the bitterness that clung to every other Alpha who ever put hands on me. There’s nothing hiding in it. No threat or promise of retribution. My heartbeat stutters as awareness settles in my core. No dread coils in my stomach, only a mess of confusion and hunger and a tug just shy of surrender. It’s temptation and terror of losing control tangled together.
Gabriel pads into the living area, bare feet silent on the carpet. When he catches sight of me upright in my nest, his eyes shine with a golden light. He grins wide like someone just handed him back a lost part of his soul. His gaze flicks between Jax and me, a twitch of surprise crossing his face as he takes in the space between us.
His smile softens when his gaze rests back on me. "Well, look who’s awake. I thought I heard voices. And you’re lucid, too."
He’s right. I am lucid again. My skin is still feverish, arousal licking deep in my core, but it’s manageable and my head is clear from the haze. I wonder how long I’ve got until it drags me under again. What demands it’s going to make me ask of them.
Something must flicker across my face, because Gabriel changes tack without missing a beat. "You like pancakes, Leah?" His voice is warm, teasing, but the question roots itself in me and I can’t look away.
My stomach gives a traitorous growl, loud in the quiet room. Jax hand fed me the last thing I ate. I sense a soft pulse of pride, as if Jax’s satisfaction hums just under my skin. When I glance at him, the tightness in his jaw fades. The buzz of a purr vibrates in the air. I sink back against the nest, warmth spreading somewherenear my ribs. I’m not imagining this. Not when Jax’s eyes light with heat and that satisfied feeling blooms.
Gabriel grins, the sharp tang of citrus filling my senses, sweet and unmistakable. Happiness. Gabriel ishappy.
Words spill out because I’m so damn shocked. "I haven’t had pancakes in forever."
The memory swells, the thought of light, golden pancakes drowned in syrup, just like Mom used to make for me those rare Sunday mornings she had time to spare. My longing sharpens, painful, and for a second all I want is to chase the memory down with every bite.
Gabriel’s smile stretches wider. "Perfect. You’re in luck, I make the best pancakes in the city."
"That’s a bold claim, brother. If you talk the talk, you should walk the walk," Jax says.
