Page 49 of Ruin Me Knot
I stare into the mirror, studying the sleep-mussed hair, the pink cheeks that have nothing to do with fever. There’s a line between my brows that says I’m waiting for something to go wrong. The old burn of arousal simmers low. It hasn’t roared back to life, but sits in the background as though biding its time.
Whatever Hardwick pumped into me, it didn’t do what she promised. Maybe she bled enough out of me that the worst of it drained right along with my blood. I’ve never had a heat that flickers and fades like this. In the past, they’ve alwayswiped me out after a period of fog I’m grateful falls over me. It usually ignites and burns itself out in a fireball. This one feels like it’s choosing the right moment to pounce. That unsettles me more than I want to admit, but there’s nothing I can do about that now.
I use the toilet, then wash my hands and face. I find a brush in the drawer and drag it through my tangled hair, scrubbing away the last tears and fixing my ponytail with shaking fingers. I brush my teeth, breathe around the memory of Ronan’s mouth on mine, focus on these simple things.
I pull the sleeves of my pink sweatshirt down and smooth wrinkles that aren’t there. I can’t stay hidden forever. The truth is, if I lock myself away, they’ll only come looking, and I’d rather walk out on my own than have three Alphas crowding me in the doorway.
I steel myself, drawing a breath, and slip back into the living area. The aroma of lasagna, sweet herbs, garlic and butter hits me so hard my stomach clenches.
"Hey there, Sweetheart. You’re just in time." Gabriel’s bright smile trips my pulse and unleashes another round of butterflies in my stomach.
Ronan juggles steaming slices of garlic bread while Jax pours fresh orange juice into glasses and sets them with each plate on the table. It’s all so comforting. So…normal. I could almost believe the past years of my life were just a nightmare. That the hell I endured is bookended by the love of my parents, and now I’ve fallen into another picture-perfect life. A reward, perhaps, for enduring that hell.
I don’t think fate would be that kind.
The urge to give into this softness is beyond tempting. This is a place where I could truly belong. Where I really could believe I’m a part of their chosen family. Longing flickers up but then scrapes raw because this could all be a projection. Maybe I’m only seeing what I want to see.
Jax pulls out a chair near the center. "Come and sit down, Leah."
They catalogue my every micro gesture and something sharp burrows into my mind. What if this really is the test I thought it was? Only this one is more subtle. Bigger. Badder. The kind meant to destroy and control. Mom used to say you can catch more flies with honey. Now I fully understand the meaning. Only whatI’m facing has less to do with flies and more to do with the idea of killing with kindness.
Good Omega. Perfect Omega. Perfect soul.
Pretty words that will control me better than any cage.
A leash disguised as affection.
They also said instincts don’t lie. I try to find comfort in the clean layers of Alpha presence drifting around the kitchen. I try to trust my gut the way they’ve suggested, but what if I’m just believing what I want to believe? Fooling myself into thinking I’m safe when only the cage is different. They’ve tapped into my greatest desire and I’ve been so easy to read.
I want to believe their words. Their patience. Their care. I want to believe it so fiercely I almost reach for it, but I’ve been bought with cushions, and cookies, and pink sweatpants. A sick lump forms in my stomach when I see how easy I was taken in. Any Alpha knows how to control an Omega.
The only difference is that they’ve chosen sugar over pain.
I am so stupid. So utterly, abysmally, monumentally stupid. Bamboozled by scents and orgasms. Bought so cheap.
"Are you all right, Leah?" Gabriel asks, his brows creased. His nostrils flare and I know he’s scenting me, trying to work out what his next move will be to control me.
I school my features because they see too much. They’ve told me they rescue Omega victims from bad places. They’ve told me how they understand trauma. They’ve laid it out for me, and I was too taken in by them to see their true motives.
"I’m fine." I’m far from fine, but now I know what they’re up to, I can reinforce my walls. I can fight back and make sure I don’t fall farther than I already have.
Because I know I have. The stupid Omega part of me is attracted to them. She’s hissing in the back of my mind, keening for them. I’m not going to listen to her anymore, She’s nothing but a mindless bitch who will do anything for cock. Hugo’s words cycle through my mind. I thought it was torture. I thought it was punishment, when all along it was the truth. If I could cut her out, I’d do it.
She’s the cause of everything. If not for her, then Mom and Dad would still be alive. I’d be free. So many things would be better if she wasn’t part of me.
She screams louder. I clench my eyes, drowning her out with Hugo and Lars’ words. I’m not a good Omega. I’m a stupid Omega. I’m not perfect. I’m ruined.
Stupid ruined little Omega.
Cock chaser.
Alpha cum whore.
Good for nothing but the holes in my body.
I hate her. I hate her so much. She nearly made me give in to them. Nearly made me bind forever to Alphas who would turn on me once they had me to use, and if we bonded, there would be no more freedom.
My mind blurs one cage for another. Always her fault.
