Page 53 of Ruin Me Knot
"You’re a good Omega, Kitten. Perfect, beautiful, sweet Omega." Ronan’s voice slips through the haze.
His hand strokes my spine, anchoring me to the moment I don’t want to be in.
My tongue is thick as dough, mind cotton-wrapped and skipping tracks but I push through because they have to know. I don’t want to be called good. Don’t want to be Omega. "No. Not right. Not good. I’m stupid. A stupid ruined Omega."
A good Omega is caged. A good Omega is nothing but a hole begging to be fucked. A good Omega does whatever she’s told. She presents, begging for cocks, knots. She exists to be filled. Nothing but a good little cum whore.
Ronan’s purr falters and stops. The world loses its soft, blurred edges; everything sharpens. His eyes lock onto mine and his brows draw tight. "What do you mean, Kitten?"
His words are careful, edged with the same tightness that returns to my chest. I lick my lips, fighting the urge to beg him to kiss me. "She’s making me feel this. She’s killing me from the inside. Want to…cut her out."
Then everything would be better. I could live. I could be free. I wouldn’t have been locked away. My parents would be alive. It’s all her fault.
Her.
Fault.
Gabriel dips his head against mine so we’re cheek to cheek. Tension thrums through his body, and I swallow the bitter tang of orange. "Who isshe? Who do you want to cut out?"
It’s so hard to speak through the hissing in my head. "The Omega…inside me."
Gabriel’s zest hits the depths of my throat. "You’re not separate, Leah. You’re Omega. One and the same."
I barely recognize the broken, keening sound as coming from me. She’s the cause of everything that’s happened to me. She can’t be a part of me. That can’t be true. I need her out of me. I need her gone. I need her…
Ronan bends down to speak in my other ear. "Your trauma’s playing tricks on you, Kitten. Making you think things that aren’t true."
But if that was the case, then my parents would be alive. Dr. Mercer wouldn’t have sent me to the Basement. Senator Hardwick wouldn’t have taken me to the facility. Dr. Wallace wouldn’t have done all those things to me. Things I didn’t want to happen to me. Things Ibeggedhim not to do.
My chest caves under the weight of it. "All. Her. Fault—"
"Noneof it was her fault. None of it was your fault. The blame lies at the feet of everyone who hurt you because that was their failing. Not yours." Ronan grips my cheeks and makes me look up at him. "None of it was your fault, Kitten. None. Of. It."
I clutch Ronan’s wrists, his words sinking into me, planting doubt in my own certainty. I was so sure before. So sure the rot in me was my own, that the blame couldn’t belong to anyone else. Now I’m turned around, spinning inside out, can’t find the seam between what’s real and what they want me to believe.
I’m desperate for air. Their presence swirls around me, thick as mist. If only I could think, but words and thoughts all jumble, slamming into each other in the eternal scream inside my skull. I latch onto the memory of fresh pine forests and clementine peel and… but something’s missing, and I can’t reach for the very thing that could stop this storm.
I bury my face into the hard, warm chest in front of me but that can’t settle what’s restless inside me. I want. Oh Gods, Icrave, and I can’t trust any of it. I want them farther, I want them closer, I want to tear out of my own skin but also dive so deep inside them I’ll disappear forever.
The air changes. The door drags open, and the missing piece slams into me so hard I jolt. Smoked vanilla mixes with pine needles and tinged with spice, and the breath I’ve been holding whooshes out in a shuddering, fractured sound.
Gabriel mutters, half into my hair. "Thank Gods you’re back, brother. She needs all of us."
Jax. Alpha has returned. The relief is visceral, but Ican’twant.Shouldn'twant…
My mind blanks to white static and a heavy storm screams to life inside my brain. Jax crosses to me, his gaze sweeping me up, and something gives inside and there’s nothing except the thick pulse of their scents rooting into my lungs, rewiring me from the inside out. Snarly, knotty words tangle in my head. Words slip from my grasp. I’m hot and aching and the feral hiss growls her desperation. I’m theirs and I’m burning, and I should be terrified, and I am, but I’m not. Arousal boils beneath my skin, radiates from the core of me, sets my nerves alight one by one.
Another cramp hits before I can draw another breath, twisting deep in my belly, wringing a whimper out of me before I can clamp down on it. I hear Ronan’s far-away voice. "She’s burning up. Fuck, she’s burning." His worry is a distant echo. All I know is I needsomething, anything, relief or release or just to disappear.
My mind scrambles, tries to find anchor, but all that’s left is ache and unyielding hunger. I can’t get away from it. The shame is a living thing, crawling under my skin, biting. I don’t want to crave this. I don’t want to be drawn to them, but my body doesn’t care. My hips twitch against Ronan’s hold, seeking, begging. My cheeks flame. I loathe myself but want to be touched all the same.
This is the omega in me. This is her fault.
She’s the rot. Can’t cut her out. Can’t stop her. She is pain and hollow, frantic need.
"We need to cool her down." Gabriel’s words ripple through me.
I’m hot. So hot I’m the flames burning bright inside me.
