Page 69 of Ruin Me Knot
I take stock of my body. I can draw in a deep breath.
"You did so well, Leah." Jax touches his forehead to mine, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment before opening again. I’m swimming in their dark depths. "That’s a simple calming technique. One of many we can teach you. Healing takes time, but you can learn to guide your reactions. I won’t lie and say it will be easy. Your brain will try to protect you in ways that don't always help, but you can work with it instead of against it. The important thing is you’re not alone. We’ll be with you every step of the way, catching you when you fall and helping you back up again."
My throat tightens. "Why?" My voice is a whisper, thin as the line I’m walking. "Why do you want me? There are better Omegas. Whole ones. Ones who aren’t…" I can’t finish. The word tastes like old soap and concrete, scraped raw against my tongue.
Ronan’s hand finds my jaw, calloused thumb tracing slow assurance up my cheekbone. "Because you’re worth every second, Leah. Every. Second. Of being with you. I’d count the cost a thousand times just to see your eyes light up when something makes you happy. I’d crawl over broken glass to be the one you run to when you’re scared, when you’re tired, when you’re just... you. They wronged you.Theyare the problem. Not you. Not everyou."
His words seep in, drop by drop, gathering in the cracks.Scent him. Test Alpha.The voice pops up in the back of my mind, and I listen. I drag in a shaky breath, and all I can smell is Ronan. Crisp pine and green things after rain, sharp and pure as mountain air, anchoring me to the here and now. There’s nothing rotten, no falsehood or pity. Just truth, solid and clean, clearing the heaviness in my chest.
He leans his forehead to mine, grounding me. "We want you, Leah. Not some fantasy version. Not the perfect Omega you think you must be. You. Bruised,fierce-hearted, clever, stubborn, surviving. Let us want you. Let us be here for however long it takes. Healing is worth it, Kitten. And so are you."
My chest splits open, the tremor deepening until it becomes a shudder. But it’s not the old terror. It’s something else: relief, dizzy and terrifying in its own right. Theywantme to heal. They wantme, even with all the sharp edges and shattered pieces. Under Ronan’s touch and his clear, honest scent, I finally, finally start to believe it might be true.
"How about I take care of you, while Ronan and Gabriel clean up the nest?" Jax says.
My mind blanks, then flutters as I really take in the mess around us. Pastry flakes, coffee stains, cushions askew, evidence of my storm. My muscles tighten but then Gabriel chuckles. "You’re not going to stress about a few flakes of pastry are you, Sweetheart? Not when we told you we don’t care." My gaze swings to him, who truly looks like he doesn’t care a whit about the upturned box of pastries. "They can be salvaged, and the rest can feed the birds when we take you to the park. And when I get you more tomorrow, I’ll make sure to add half a dozenkouign-amanns to the box now I know you like them." Gabriel smiles and my mind stills, caught up in his devastating beauty. "Prepare to be spoiled, Omega."
My perfume blooms around us. Fresh, sweet roses. That’s really my fragrance?
Ronan chuckles, his deep forest shade blending perfectly into the rose garden. "Our Omega likes both of those ideas."
Jax’s breath ghosts over my cheek. "What do you think, Leah? Me, you, and a bath? Let Ronan and Gabriel fuss over the mess in here. Let me take care of you for a while."
My body tingles all over, anticipation sparking down my limbs. A shaky breath escapes me. Real, because that sounds like heaven. I manage to nod.
Jax’s face lights up, pride and softness tangling in his expression as if he’s won some rare prize. "Let’s go make you feel good, Sunshine."
Chapter Thirty-Two
Leah
When I step back into the living room, the air is golden with morning and the distant, lazy thrum of the city fully awake. My skin still holds the warmth of the bath, Jax’s large frame settling behind me in the tub, the world narrowing to the heat of his thighs around my hips as gentle hands lathered shampoo through my hair. The water was warm and sweet but it was his presence that soaked deepest into me.
After he washed my hair, he soaped my body with gentle unhurried movements that unraveled knots in my shoulders and soothed aches I hadn’t letmyself notice. Every brush of muscle, every nudge of his thigh or hand, sent bright flares through my belly and up my spine.
And his scent. Gods, his scent. I filled my lungs with it. Held my breath so I could taste it on my tongue. So good. My skin prickled, nipples tightening, a hot ache pooling low and sweet between my thighs as a soft desire buzzed under my skin.
I wanted him to ease the sweet ache in my breasts and between my legs but all he did was kiss my temple with a gentle brush of his lips.
"Such a good Omega," he rumbled, warm breath ghosting over my skin before I rested my head on his shoulder and fell asleep.
He let me sleep until the water cooled, then he helped me from the bath and dried me gently. He helped me dress in buttery jeans and a soft shirt and then dried and combed my hair until it flowed in soft strands around my shoulders.
Ronan and Gabriel give me their full focus the moment I step out of the bathroom. Both look freshly showered, dressed in casual clothes. The fabric is cruel to my eyes after so much bare skin, and I can’t stop the whimper that slips from me. I clench my fists to stop from ripping the offending clothes off their bodies so I can sink into my nest with them.
Gabriel’s bright smile blazes with joy undimmed by my hesitation. Ronan, though—Ronan’s looking at me like he would burn a hole through the world for me and never blink. His eyes smolder, hungry and intent. When he steps toward me, his essence washes over me in a wave. Pine and clean earth wraps around my chest like the softest, strongest rope. I breathe him in, and my whole body softens. The nerves in my belly shiver with desire, but I’m cocooned in safety too, both wanting and protected.
A neat, artful pile of fresh throw rugs and pillows are stacked on the arm rest of the couches that are still pushed together. "Where did you get all these?" I murmur, fingers trailing over the edge of the topmost blanket, fighting not to crinkle my nose at their clean state when they should smell like all of us.
A chuckle bubbles out of Gabriel. "We got extra. Just in case you didn’t like the throws we bought."
They got extra.
For me.
Jax returns from where he disappeared down the hall, fully dressed. Covering his acres of bare skin seems like a sin and he flashes me a quick grin as though he knows what I’m thinking. He turns his attention to Gabriel. "Is the food ready?"
Gabriel picks up a picnic basket. “It’s ready. Everything is packed, even the pastries that survived the great coffee flood. I’ve also packed a thermos of fresh coffee."
