Page 126 of Eldritch
When he lifted his gaze, it was so filled with remorse, the sight of him tore at my heart. But the blackness had given way to the familiar burgundy and orange, and with a prickle of tears, I nodded at their familiarity. “Okay.”
He turned his face from mine again, as if he couldn’t bear to look at me.
“Don’t carry this burden alone, Zevander.”
“I would never wish this on you. I’d sooner crush myself under the weight of it than give it to you. But I can’t push it away like before. I can’t stop these thoughts. I’m losing my senses.”
“Just stay here. Stay with me right here.”
“I want to be here with you. Desperately. But it’s best if you go. By the gods, I’d carve my own fucking heart out of my chest, if I ever hurt you.”
“You can’t hurt me, Zevander. You won’t. And I’m not going anywhere.” I pushed out of the water and wrapped my arms around him.
He seemed hesitant to embrace me at first, but then his arms crushed around my body, his muscles shaking as he held me so tight, I could scarcely breathe.
I wriggled to loosen his grip a little and kissed him on the forehead. His cheek. And finally, I pressed my lips to his.
Perhaps too hastily on my part, but damn it, I couldn’t escape the visual of seeing him with that blade. It’d shaken me to my core.
Stop this, my head battled as I melted into the kiss. It wasn’t right to impose my own needs and desires upon him while he fought to wrangle his mind.
Fingers threaded in my hair, and he kissed me back with the ferocity of a raging fire, desperate and consuming. Ravenous. As if the world around us didn’t exist. My guilt from moments ago withered in his possessive embrace, and the raw and bitter taste of his remorse burned across my tongue like a breathless apology. Repentance for pain he’d never inflicted.
I lowered my face to break from the kiss, watching a concerning amount of blood color the water. As if sensing my urge to investigate his wounds, he gripped my arm.
“I’m fine,” he said tonelessly. “The blade and I are old friends.”
“The scars on your thighs. You did that to yourself? For comfort?”
He kept his gaze from mine. “I feel nothing without it. Iamnothing without it.”
Part of me wanted to challenge his comment, but I knew those thoughts too intimately, recognized the dull ache of feeling worthless and unwanted.
Every scar on his body marked the permanence of his pain, hardening the flesh like iron in a flame. Beaten and broken.
Tempered steel forged by his own suffering.
The glint of his piercings drew my attention to the erection that nearly breached the water’s surface. Seeing it brought to mind when he’d burned his wounds and released, what I’d been certain was, a pleasured sound. “You find gratification in pain.”
He winced again and turned away. “Leave. Please.”
“No. No, I won’t leave. What do you need me to do?”
He snapped his gaze back to mine, brows pulled tight. “Needyou to do?” Lips twisted in disgust, he shook his head. “You’ll not have any part of this.”
“Iampart of this. I was a part of this, the moment you stirred feelings in me.”
“And I will not rob you of that.”
“Rob me of what? My virtue? My innocence?”
“You deserve better, Maevyth! Gentle hands and heartfelt words.”
“And you don’t believe thatyoudeserve that? That you’re capable of handling me gently?” When he didn’t answer, I continued. “You’ve already shown me, Zevander.”
“When I had my wits about me, yes. I had the strength and mental fortitude to tamp this down. Every hour that passes, I amconsumed. My mind—” He tapped at his temple. “What stills my hand…is slowly dissolving. The pain is all there is. It’s my only tether to reality.”
“Let me be the one to tether you. Show me what you need.”
