Page 67 of Cruelest Kiss and Fairest Blood
Rain falls over me again as those beautiful black wings retract. Lightning strikes nearby and I stumble backward, whirling toward Harrow, reaching for him out of fear. He’s gone. My head whips side to side.He left. Why does it feed the agony between my ribs? That’s what I wanted, right? I’m the one who told him to leave. How utterly stupid and childish. I can’t stand myself. I want to tear out of my skin and be someone else, deal with someone else’s problems, feel someone else’s feelings.
Sadness stacks within me, stealing my air, dousing my ability to feel joy, to feel anything else at all. “What the fuck am I doing?”
Lightning flashes so close that the thunder that follows is instantaneous. Smoke rises from somewhere in the hedges. Another loud, fierce strike. I sprint back the way I came. I need to get inside. Sloshing through the maze, more thunder booms, rattling my bones. I scream just as I slam into someone.
He catches me by the elbow before I hit the ground. “Princess?”
I’m hauled to my feet beneath the worried, tawny gaze of Cassius. I throw my arms around his waist, burying my face in his chest. His arms are warm as they wrap around me, tucking me in close.
“I heard about the queen. I’m so sorry.” His fingers glide over my wet back, warming some of the chill that’s iced over my heart.
Another clap of thunder has us both jumping. Cassius tugs me with him. “Come, we must return to the castle.”
“Take me away from here.” My hands clutch the front of his shirt.
To his credit, he doesn’t look as surprised as I thought he would. “Where do you want to go?”
“Anywhere. Please.” Here I am, desperate, pleading for a prince to save me as I cling to his clothes. This is not who I want to be, but this is what grief has reduced me to. A damsel in distress.
Loose, soaked strands cling to his handsome, tanned face. He nods. “Hide until the storm passes, then wait for me by the pasture gates. I’ll make preparations and return with haste to collect you.”
I can’t find it in myself to smile. Instead, I just nod my acknowledgment.
Cassius disappears into the darkness, revealed only when another flash of lightning illuminates his broad figure.
My dress is too heavy and rain-soaked to remain in. With extreme recklessness, I climb the trellis outside my room and crawl in through the window. The sounds of the storm help mask any noises I make.
Thankfully, Melly is not inside. I choose a simple grey travel gown, forgoing the skirt hoop and corset beneath. It’s not proper, but it will make riding a horse much easier.
I’m about to strap the dagger to my thigh but stop. I don’t want to have to explain it to Cassius. The tips of my ears heat. What makes me think he’ll see it to ask questions? He would need to be beneath my skirts to even know it exists.
Maybe that’s what I want. Maybe that’s the distraction I need.
Being alone now is the worst form of punishment. If I don’t occupy myself, I think of my mother, of how pale and still she was this morning.No. I will die too under all of that pain. My body might live, but my heart won’t survive it. Instead, I bury the sadness and aching beneath a pile of fond memories. I think of our favorite times together. Sitting on a picnic blanket, eating her special apples. Dancing in my room at night when no one was around.
I think of my father, and this pain that we share. I can’t bear to see my own grief on his face. If he sees me, with the face of my mother, will it hurt him tenfold? Or bring him comfort? I don’t have the strength to carry his burdens as well as my own.
My thoughts drift back to my mom as I wring the excess moisture out of my hair, remembering all of the times she brushed it. I’ve always loved having my hair played with.
A sliver of blue sky is already peeking through on the edge of the storm. The flashes and thunder have grown further apart. It won’t be long now.
Chapter 21
Lenore
True to his word, Cassius meets me at the pasture gates with an illustrious white stallion and several parcels tied to the saddle.
“We’re sharing?” I ask, slightly embarrassed.
“I didn’t have a good excuse for needing two horses that didn’t also require a carriage. I didn’t want them asking too many questions.”
He has a fair point. I’m assuming those in the castle will leave me alone to grieve for the remainder of the day. It’s likely no one will enter my room before dinner. If I’m lucky, they’ll just assume I’m hiding somewhere in the castle and not send a search party.
Cassius gives me a boost, helping me to mount the horse. He swings a long leg over behind me. The horse shifts, acclimatingitself to having two passengers. Cassius’s body is warm as it’s pressed up against my back.
We ride for nearly an hour, taking the trails slowly. I’m grateful for the pace. I don’t think I can handle being gallop-tossed around while I’m squished up against Cassius.
My hips have grown increasingly uncomfortable when a small structure comes into view.
