Page 42 of Stay this Christmas
Her laughter this time came out a little too sarcastic. “That would be your solution.”
I grumbled at her side, knowing I didn’t have much to say in my favor. I’d bounced from job to job since high school—meanwhile, she’d become adoctor. My suggestion to try something new probably made me sound like an idiot.
“A little change can be good,” I said.
“I think my New-Me—um, myLifeList is change enough.”
I smiled at her correction. Wanting to do a few new things didn’t mean she needed to reinvent herself. She just needed a little push. Big difference.
“Are you ready to start your end of the bargain?” she asked when we’d nearly reached her car.
“Nah,” I said, teasing her. I stretched my arms out wide and faked a big yawn. “I think I’m going to call it a night.”
“Oh, no you don’t.” She linked her arm in mine, tugging me along the sidewalk, laughing the whole way. “You’re going to bake Christmas cookies with me, and you’re going to like it.”
I chuckled at her insistence, but that seemed to flip the switch, as if she’d realized her mistake. For that one, glorious moment, she’d forgotten about our past, her hurt and anger, and just let herself be happy with me. Second-guessing it, she dropped my arm and stepped back, her smile strained.
“If you really don’t want to—”
“I do,” I said in a rush. “I was just kidding around.”
“Okay.” She didn’t seem relieved.
If anything, she looked more uncomfortable, like she’d been caught between wanting to be with me, and wanting to be as far away from me as possible.
FOURTEEN
harper
I changedinto jeans and a long-sleeve T-shirt, still riding the kickboxing high. Maybe I hadn’t loved the idea of learning the basics in a room filled with guys, but I’d forgotten about them pretty quickly once we got into it, and just kicked the crap out of Sam.
NotSam,exactly. He’d been well-protected. But it had felt good to let loose a little bit that way, even if I’d been totally out of my element. Considering my element had become indistinguishable from a retired person’s, I needed to get out of it more often.
I set ingredients for cookie dough on the counter while waiting for Sam. Since neither of us had wanted to risk adding sweat to our cookies, we’d agreed to change clothes before meeting up again here at my place. I tried not to think too hard about how Sam would be in my house soon, just the two of us.
Definitely didn’t think about how he’d seemed to get jealous when Owen had helped me straighten out my punches. Becausethatwould lead me down rabbit-holes I really couldn’t explore right now.
I’d told him I needed a friend, and I’d absolutely meant it. I’d relied on my sisters and cousin to pad out my social life ever since I’d moved back to town, but with their new relationships and Eden’s impending motherhood, that wasn’t sustainable. I needed to expand my circle a little more, and he’d volunteered.
The question of just why he’d volunteered went straight into theDo Not Think Aboutbin, along with the worry this experiment of spending more time with my ex in order to get over him would send me so far in the opposite direction, there would be no going back.
Our list arrangement wasn’t exactly sensible. If I wanted to keep my heart safe from completely losing it over Sam again, helping each other tackle a couple of bucket lists wasn’t the right move. But I’d agreed to his scheme, and even added more tasks to our to-do lists. I hadn’t been completely sober when we shook on it, but I hadn’t been drunk, either.
I’d agreed to spend time with him because I wanted to, plain and simple. Even if I didn’t think we could recapture what we’d once had, the prospect of seeing him more often proved too tempting. I tried to tell myself none of that meant anything, that it was all in the name of friendship, but I wasn’t drunk tonight, and didn’t believe my own lies.
On the counter, my phone buzzed.
Eliza: How’s the list going? Only 15 days left!
I hesitated a minute, debating. Saturday night after Sam left The Broken Hammer, Eliza had trotted straight over to bat her eyelashes and ask pointed questions. Still processing the conversation, I’d left most of them unanswered. How to sayI’m going to spend time with my ex in a totally platonic way even though chances are slim my heart will come out unscathed? She’d let me brush her off with one-word answers and vague replies only because Dean proved an excellent distraction.
But I knew well enough my reprieve from her questions wouldn’t last long. She’d have no qualms about showing up to my house to demand answers, and I really didn’t want her turning up tonight. The thought of her barging in while Sam was here made me pick up the phone.
Harper: I just did the intro MMA class
Eliza: You went alone? I’m kind of mad. I wanted to try the MMA thing, too
I weighed the cost-benefit analysis of lying, but it didn’t lean in my favor. She would only ask more questions if I said I’d gone alone. Honestly, she’d ask more questions no matter what I said. More questions were kind of her whole thing.
