Page 56 of Stay this Christmas
“I didn’t want to go to college.” True, if only part of the truth.
“But you’d been accepted. You had a major decided.”
She seemed unable to reconcile that I’d abandoned something written on a calendar somewhere.
“My college plans had never really been for me. My parents wanted me to go, but it wasn’t something I wanted for myself. When everyone else was taking their SAT tests and writing up four-year college plans, I was throwing darts at a map of the U.S., daydreaming about our big road trip.”
“Oh, right. Our trip.”
Her soft little voice curled around me, soothing and wounding all at once. She sounded like she’d found something precious she’d lost, but also wasn’t sure she wanted to unearth again.
Once upon a time, we’d planned to cash in all our somedays and set off on the road the summer after graduation. I’d derailed a lot of our study sessions senior year withWhat ifs andWould you rathers, trying to piece together the ideal trip for both of us. I would have been content flipping a coin at every crossroads, but she’d needed a plan. So I’d planned. I’d wanted to see mountains, whether the Smokies or the Tetons, and her heart had been set on seeing the Atlantic and Pacific oceans. It should have been the trip of a lifetime, exploring the country with the girl I loved.
Instead, I’d headed to Stowe after graduation, where I got a job as a waiter at an upscale resort, telling myself the bridges I’d burned back home had been the best for everyone. And Harper…
“Did you ever go? On any part of the trip?”
She released a sad sort of laugh. “No. At first, I didn’t really want to.”
She didn’t have to explain. I’d ruined the whole idea of the trip for her. I’d always hoped she’d gone anyway, living it up in all the places we’d meant to see together. I’d liked the idea of her on a beach somewhere, her toes in the sand, defiantly staring out at the horizon. Hating me, maybe, but still out there living her best life.
“Then came college and the PT program, and I just never had the time. I haven’t been the best at taking vacations.”
“Do I want to ask if you’ve even takenonevacation?”
She shrugged as if to say not to bother. “I’ve been maybe a little too focused on work.”
In Harper-speak, that meant she’d made way too many sacrifices for her job. Suggesting she consider looking elsewhere again would probably earn me a dirty look, but all work and no play wasn’t tenable for anybody. I’d meant it the other day when I’d called her selfless, but this seemed to cross the line into being taken advantage of. Definitely taken for granted, if Olivia could just change her schedule as she pleased based on residents’ whims.
“You’ve been this focused on work since you started?”
Her lips tugged into a cringey smile. “More like graduate school.”
Should have called it. What did I say about her being wicked smart and competitive?
“In my defense, the DPT program was intense. I kept my head down, focused on my coursework and practical experience. I had to—I mean, if I got three bad grades, they’d kick me out of the program.”
“What was a bad grade?”
“B-minus.”
Yeah, that sounded intense. “Makes sense, I guess. They want to be sure you’re doing good doctoring.”
“Good doctoring is key,” she said with a laugh.
She slid her hands together, massaging them. After a minute, it looked more like wringing them.
“The thing is…I got two B-minuses.”
She hated to admit defeat—I could imagine how much those grades must have eaten away at her, and just how much it meant that she’d even confide it in me.
“I was terrified I would get one more bad grade and lose everything. I didn’t want all my big plans to fall apart again.”
Again. Guilt settled a heavy hand over me, squeezing my lungs. She’d had our next few years after high school planned out, and I’d ripped up the roadmap.
“I stopped going out with my friends because I always needed to study just a little bit more. I didn’t come home for weekend visits the way I had been, and I stayed at my apartment through a few holidays, too. I didn’t mean to shut myself off from everyone, but that’s kind of what I did. I didn’t want to let anybody down, you know?”
I’d already used up my platonic touch allowance for this drive, but I reached over and took her hand in mine, anyway. She didn’t brush me off or pull her hand away, but held on tight.
